Alcohol Cannabis out Meditation in

Whoops this post was the least expected one. I mean me leaving alcohol was kind of coming up but cannabis aah that was a life changing decision.  Honestly, cannabis brought meditation in our lives too so this is such a betrayal from our side. We dumped cannabis for spiritual trials.

Some moments, some decisions pop up suddenly with age and degrading body. Its like it's meant to be but a few years are given to reach that on your own. It was truly fun while it lasted but more important things were queued up in life.

With intoxicants, you kind of crave for them. Loads of excitement, fun, happiness does come with it but it doesn't last long then of course there's hangover. If you can be high on life without all of these, why not right?

Well, of course meditation will take time. Its a practice that needs a lot of patience. It needs mind and body alignment so this is not going to be easy but hopefully all will be worth it. Anyways, alcohol wasn't really a long term solution and cannabis creates a layer between us and mind. Honestly, everything we eat everything we drink, its all for happiness. Its important to recognize when they become just a habit. When we start drinking, smoking as a ritual not for fun, end is near. Most of us just drink on weekends so none of us are really addicts.  Exit is just a state of mind for us.

I am not going to be a hypocrite and be one of those who want to preach and ban everything they are not on. I think both of them improved my life in those moments, gave me more freedom from my small town personality, they helped me dance when I couldn't dance sober, they helped me express when I was shit scared normally, they introduced sadhguru to us. So enjoy till you can and when you feel like, you can leave them too. Just don't get addicted. Have fun with everything in control.

 Its your life, you decide but do try meditation.

To sulking wives and angry husbands, try more

This is a classic couple tale. We love each other but some days I sulk, he gets angry, none of us seem to know how to break out of this loop. Mind goes in overdrive suggesting every single wrong path. Its not mind's fault, we programmed it that way, its years of coding.

To sulking wives,

Do you feel like his anger is unjustified? Is it like if he just comes and talks, it will be all over. But if you go , he might snap again and push you off.  Its like a prisoner situation where you yourself are the jailor, no one else has created the walls, its our mind that makes us think all of it. No matter how hard we try to break out, it makes us sink deeper. Every time this happens, sinking well grows deeper, it becomes more difficult to get out this self created pathetic situation. Even if it goes on for 15 minutes, the kind of poison that is generated per second is causing way more damage than anyone else can. These self pity, self esteem killing moments occur again and again.

What to do : Well, first of all shake yourself, shut up your mind, gather all the courage and with all the courage confidence you can muster, just say I understand I will try again but lets not talk in this tone again. If I am not getting it, please help me out. If you think this is the way you can push me, its really not. You are just pushing me away in a negative direction. It will make matters worse. So calm down, you are hurting yourself too. Just take a breather here, time relation is more important than this. Whatever will not matter in a day or year is not worth pining on. Don't raise your tone, don't shout. Be mature.


To angry husbands

Do you feel like she is  a fool for not getting simple things? Do you feel like she purposely does all this to annoy you? If she could just apologise properly and not repeat mistake, it will be good. Well, in some way we are all trying to manipulate people and situations to suit our mood requirements. So you are expecting someone to show a nature trait that is not theirs. Do you think you can train her or push her by not talking to her for some time? Do you think you are helping yourself by elongating anger clockout time? More angrier, more she is getting the point right.


Nah, its not actually happening at all. She is just waiting for this to be over and avoid this situation altogether. Next time she will not be around. She will avoid this at all costs. She might not raise her voice but inside all the negative vibes are coming to you as angry vibes are going to her. Its a victim role people get into when they are threatened. Again, some part of brain goes in survival mode, gives up, retreats, shuts off, gets nervous with every passing moment. So yeah, instead just be calm, breathe think over , did she do it knowingly? Did she do it on purpose? Even if she has repeated, is it worth creating turmoil in your body, mind? Its not right, anger changes us, every time we cross a limit threshold, we go further next time, more brutal next time. So actually, you just became insensitive to the person you love most, you harmed your body and relationship, most of all you trained your mind in the worst way. Resistance increases from both sides of hurting and getting hurt. Hours to days to months people don't talk to each other for silly egos.  Just talk to her, ask her to try with love.

Sanity insanity is not what we think of it. Insanity is not extreme behavior, these little moments of  losing control also make us insane. Let us program ourselves the right way. Change is hard but its necessary for life and happiness.

Take responsibility. Blame no one. Stop justifications. The statement " I am right, they are wrong " will never allow you to change for better. Don't endorse wrong behavior," I am right"  forces our wrong habits, makes them stronger.  Its impedes your psychological development. Justifying is our biggest enemy. Even 5 minutes of toxic thought is not right.

Don't lose yourself in spirituality

There has been an ongoing conflict in me, who am I ? In this process to be kinder, in bowing to divine in everyone, divine in me lost sight of itself. I realized this while talking to my sister, at the end of conversation suddenly it occurred to me my voice was high confident free, it wasn't thinking high low or judging, we were just talking. It filled me with so much positive self reliance, yogi in me rocked class. Suddenly, there was this enthusiasm bubbling like I was coming out of some kind of dimming drug, as soon as it was out of system, I was me again.

So on my transformation journey, this was the biggest hurdle, still is. Trying to treat others nicely made me sink lower, instead of being an independent self reliant person, I began thinking whole of me needs renovation literally. I lowered my voice unconsciously, sheepish smile on lips. To be meditative or spiritual, yes you should not have wrong vices but at the same time don't push yourself so much you lose faith in yourself.

Whatever character traits you hold have been defining you all these years, not all of them are junk. It kind of hit my destination was right, path was wrong. I can be soft yet strong at same time. In trying to praise others I am not diminishing my worth. See, somehow some things are hardcore. Like this one, to compete or be better, someone has to do worse. In life, there is just one track that we run on. We can choose to run, stand, glide or merely rest. When you are running what others do on their tracks is not your business ,its when you do nothing comparisons build up. It shouldn't really bother me how anyone else does at yoga. Well it does. Its time to get out of comfort sinkhole of hiding back with the convenience of peace on face. Fake timid happiness will keep me glued to starting line of track.

In my yoga class, in that moment where I reached and pushed myself to reach deeper, I took a vow to not lose sight of this strength and determination, to be fierce in everything. Fierceness is a necessary trait to be successful on this journey or in fact any journey. Its like a tempering to boring dal. Peace, happiness are side kicks. Without wisdom of fierce mind, a single person decides to fuck up my day, they might. When you are fierce, focus lies in your path, when you are not you are merely hanging out at mercy of others' mood.

How it came to brim was all my insecurities started popping up. For god sakes, if you are doing everything right and your mind won't shut up pulling you down, you have lost control of it. Its delusional to hope meditation is going to help. See things as they are, yes no more buttering up people unconsciously, some times being a little mean, thinking a little higher of yourself helps too especially if being nice is over powering mind.

When you are over nice, you start thinking about other's comfort more, you kind of go into a state where you would rather suffer than say because that would not be abiding by geeta, well even if you feel it you  don't say it, its disturbing.Yes, its possible to be with everyone but not for everyone, it might take a few rebirths to achieve that, if avoiding helps do it. Avoiding is not a long term solution, as soon as you are strong deal with everything consciously.  Yes,there are a lot of right perfect behaviors but only when you are in right state of mind.  By curbing personality you are just putting on a mask or a cloak, it hinders development. Mask might not be available when you really need it. In that moment, you will find people unbearable to look at, simple situations will look like unconquerable mountains, pathetic people will be like villains in life.

Honestly somehow the wanna be good me convinced me to do a lot of things but nah as soon as reality would be on face, it scared me. Constantly thinking I need to be better just means more toil on brain. Do things consciously without having the persistent rule following notion. What would a logical strong person do? Reptilian brain has to be put aside, this is no more survival, this is the time to test limits.

Also, when you relinquish control, people feed on you like zombies. That is the harsh reality. 'You can not survive in this age with a peaceful smile and heart full of happiness. Someone someday will shake it, to protect it to make it stronger you need to be in control of yourself, situation, people. Drive them according to your likes without even making much of the effort.

What should be my goals now? Hmm I have to be blunt, I have to be the person I was in college with new learnt codes, that was the time no wonder what people thought, in my mind I was ruling. My favorite song was alan parsons I wouldn't want to be like you, its so motivating if you listen in a non judgmental way. It is. Scrolling through some old pics, that spark in my eyes, that arrogance of beauty, the feeling of being on top unfazed by others' life reeled me back. Current pictures are more like of a simple easy going funny person. But that girl knew she wasn't just any people defined identity.

I wouldn't want to be like you. A lot of changes are needed in my body and mind but this will give me a strong foundation. Just because I need change doesn't mean I am not perfect, its just a phase to improve perfection.I have to stop hanging out with people who add nothing to my life.

 If this thing is not nailed right now in my life, my structure will crumble under pressure of trying to be something my mind won't let me comprehend. Stay true to yourself, then move on.

Out of delusion, into reality.

Be strong. Be powerful. Power is a skill.

Take control. Be in driver's seat. Rule rule rule.

Whatever I do say feel is all for me, its got nothing to do with anyone anymore.

Time to get me back.

Raise joyful kids : That's it

I should be the last person writing this. I don't have kids but then it takes a third party to know what someone could be missing. Its just a minute thing and parents want it the most.

If you have a kid or kids, they are truly miracles not because you gave birth to them or because you went through a nine month pregnancy or a 24 hour labor, its because this new soul chose to be there with you so they could evolve better.

Honestly people start with the best of intentions but somehow between losing sleep, fattening body, preparing meals, it becomes a chore like others. Getting through day is a hassle for moms, let alone thinking about kids' happiness. To them, kids are always happily demanding. Its moms who need therapy and time to wash hair, do yoga. Its not wrong to complain, they occupy a whole new zone of life you never knew you could just give away for a total stranger.

Lets look at this from a child's perspective. This soul could have been a 80 year old, that soul is now a part of your life. Would you like it if someone bossed you around whole day or talked to you loudly in front of their friends? Yes, they are in this body that needs constant nourishment and help from others. Have you noticed as soon as kids can eat, they want to eat themselves, walk themselves, run around freely, play, explore, basically do everything that scares you? Imagine someone cribbing all day about handling you. How frustrated would that make you? That is the emotional state of a child.

What is the solution? Yes you are tired, so rest take break hire a babysitter, rejuvenate yourself. Ask friend for help.  Its more helpful for kid. You will get your life back after a few years, they will start going school but your anger complaint and frustration will mold them into something that they will change again as a 30 year old. That is a painful process, some of the adults will never even realize what went wrong. Why go through unlearning stuff if you never learn anything?


When we garden, we sow seed, wait for it to rise, there is no twisting or turning stems. All we have to do is nourish it, give water sun, give it a strong root fertile soil. Flowers come naturally.

As a parent, be happy be joyful enjoy this process every moment. Don't teach them anything, they will pick up skills on their own. This is the time to witness how a life grows. Kids are the greatest teachers, they don't hold grudges, they don't know any emotion but love or anger. Take them towards love. If possible, add spirituality. Be an example but don't force them to be like you. We are not from their generation, there is not much you can add to their life, your contribution is till 5 years. Give them a blissful childhood of freedom with fond memories that shape their life. When you are at ease, it will be a group of people co-living.  When you are not, it will be a forced prison.

Accept you just gave them a body. Rest all belongs to them. Don't meddle with that structure. Simply respect them as a human life.

There are so many sadhguru videos on parenting. Watch them. Immense responsibility lies with you. It would be a utter wastage if they turn out just like you.

You have a new thriving life. Live upto it.

Thanks,
NAMASTE

Relationships need transformation for sustainence

Every relationship that we are in changes with time. Change is vital to its growth. Its not just relationships, its life's rule to move on.

Mothers become friends to daughters, daughters become advisors to parents. Fathers take a step back and just observe. Sisters know when not to intrude where they always intruded without permission. As we grow up, relationships grow with us. They transform to suit our age, wisdom, requirements. If we try to hold on to some old string, its bound to get knots.

Friends who adapted to new me are still with me. Friends who were still trying to fit me into that old mold were left behind. We change according to our situations, husband, life, country what not. So simply passing judgement on people's choices or saying they have changed for bad is not the sign of a developing adult mind.

Any person we don't see on a daily basis is constantly evolving into a different avatar we don't even have a hint of. My sister changes every month, she starts doing new things establishes new rules for herself. If I hold on to that memory of my younger sister, why didn't she just stay like that, it would harm our relationship in million unimaginable ways. She might just want same from me then too. Its a two way street, you give and take. My mother and me discuss bk shivani videos all the time, we make sure no one strays from path. If I go negative side, she catches me. If she goes, I get her back. Keep communication line open so you can discuss freely what bothers you.


All we have to understand is we all have varied situations with a zillion different shaping factors that affect our lives. Even a husband wife grow in different directions.

The biggest gift you can give someone is accepting they are changing and  acknowledging it with full respect. Try to know them more, instead of telling what you need from them, ask them what are they upto, where is life taking them, support them in their journey. If you don't agree, you can probably advice once but then if you poke more, they will never get back to you.

At the same time, don't judge those who don't change. Judging creates more pain in relation. Try to set up lines of communication and include them in your life.

Life is taking them to their destinations. Its not relevant if we have the same destinations or not, lets just enjoy being a minute part of each others' journeys.

See good in people, be happy for them. Love them without restrictions and expectations. Move on.

We limit ourselves: Be conscious

We limit ourselves, there is no one capable of fueling our thoughts, emotions to the extent that we feel misery. Its all in us, boiling calming fuming worrying. People around us can just say a few words, how we interpret them to our beliefs of our own existence and life's ways change us in the long course.

When people start appreciating my practice or say I have changed, previous version of me who is a regular interference in the present journey pops up and says whoa you can kind of chill now, you are good, ohh you are awesome. Then the other dark side comes up and says they are just lying for job, you suck, look at all those hand stands, you are nothing, your body is a pile of fat. I know right, they are extreme thoughts all generated in this one mind, like a double edged sword, pulling me down in all the ways imaginable. No one else did this, I did this to me, when I am not conscious this happens, when I am conscious I think nothing of it and just move on with my practice and life. I take no flattery no disappointments for this is my journey, no comparisons no praises its just what it is.

If someone is better, they obviously practiced better and more in life. If someone is too proud, there is no need to label them further, just accept people like they are walking souls around you. Less you entangle with them, less emotions will rise, lesser fucking up of mind. Labeling, tagging people with character traits or even habits also blinds us to their good qualities which we can pick up. There is no soul we can't get along with.  All we have to see is look at the goodness and improve our life. Even when you advice or suggest, there is no need to expect that person to go with your way.  Again, that would be a trap I fell in so many times.

Indians don't shake hands, they just bow down and do namaste, reason is they are avoiding body karma, the memory that lives with you. So thinking of others, judging or even talking about them is just unwanted karma. It fills mind with unwanted information and clutter that we have to recycle again. Helping others and compassion is important but that doesn't imply we get involved. When you help others, its more for your benefit.

I had a bad trip experience which literally exposed how badly my mind could paralyse everything that it touched. There is this anxiety that kicks in when I  am around people especially kids, teenagers, parents. I don't know the rules which is the first best lamest useless excuse I come up with. We were out in a park, it was a beautiful day, my insecurities start hitting me. Inner voices acting as characters around me, what are they doing in park, they look high, they are so close to ground, who are these people, do they have kids, why is she just sitting there, why are they playing frisbee, how bad is she at it,  why is she doing this awkward pose here, i can do better yoga than her, what is wrong with her clothes. All of these thoughts keep going on in a loop for 3 hours every second of which seemed like an hour. It was that bad. Sheer torture in my own self created prison. Worst prison ever. No one could help me out. I felt like all around people were just mocking me. Next day same ground same me but without people I was just happy and free. My mind fucked up my day. Actually I fucked up my day.


This is the power of mind. It can make you, destroy you. Just 2 hours left me in a state of self pity and wallow.

Realizing what causes it, how to encounter it, how to take one step at a time and be conscious so I don't fall into the trap is the only saving grace. I have to train my mind to be okk with people and not think much of it because frankly no one cares what you do. They were all watching their kids playing or just basking in sun, I made it about me. Every time I am in a situation like that, I am gonna repeat, be cool no one cares, be free be lively. I start generating this negative energy in bundles which even affects people around me. Imagine that.

Do you know when people die, it is best to cremate them as soon as possible. It is because their soul is out and around wondering why it can't enter body but it has no mind to guide it so its going crazy, to top that we cry and give more pain which magnifies without a discerning mind. To help them attain peace and move on, all we have to do is cremate soon and spread pleasantness so it magnifies. Without a conscious mind, we just multiply magnify all our thoughts even if they are self afflicting but without that mind, we are crazier directionless. So if we tap into our mind and use it to our advantage, our life can be wondrous and limitless.


I am the only one limiting myself. No other person will ever have that much power on me. So it could be something deep but it has to be digged out, nurtured so I don't waste more time and energy on wasting emotions created by negative thoughts.

How we spend time with my parents :)

I wanted to do so many activities with my parents in bhopal, even though we had less time than expected, we managed to accomplish all of them. Except the parts where I could eat, sleep, walk with them, just live a lazy day like we used to as a family. Well, you don't get it all, some times you get better deals when you bargain for less.

Meditation sessions : My dad found us a guy who would sit with us for meditation. All of us tried heartful meditation with this awesome volunteer. This was a new experience, practicing syncing energies with my family and it was wonderful. I felt this calmness, tranquility passing through our souls. With every meditation session, it was better. The ambience of his house, birds chirping outside, the stillness of moments. I think that is what you need. Meditation has so many stages, first stage is always beautiful like you see a new blooming flower.

Gayatri temple : This temple is like our family temple. Actually, we did go for some pooja  which was nice too. I grew up listening to mantras, performing yagnas with my mother. For me, sitting in a sunderkand or ramayan or listening to bhajans is like reliving childhood, I deeply enjoy it. So back to gayatri temple, we saw their yoga class, meditation room, healthy cows, super healthy juices, accupressure walk. It was like someone bundled all your favorite things in one place and made it. I saw a newly born calf barely walking aah this one is like a recorded video in mind.

Meditation lesson: My dad gave us some information on meditation. All that he has extracted from books and his own practice. It was huge of him to share it. Hmm its also not about information or knowledge, its more like someone's effort of improving your life that counts.

Bhaang : My bhaang thandai birthday was epic. Sitting with more people and having conversations was something I never imagined going with bhaang but it was aah truly the best trip in months as in high trip not trip trip. My dad opened up, shared some of his stories like how osho addressed him in school, my mom made jokes like she always does, my sis well I think she didn't let it in but it was fun. How my mom literally brought her mortal pestel to make it authentic how my dad went out and stacked up all our favorite foods ohh life surprises you. I never wanted to cut cake but even that moment was special, yoga cake aahh sometimes I wonder what if I could just meet them once in a month and hang out but nah going back India is not going to work anymore, luxuries of life have spoiled me. I choose this wonderful silent beautiful place.

Birla temple : We like temples I guess. Birla temple had so many religious quotes written all over but we never read them. First time, we stopped, read, tried to understand. Temples should always be near nature. So much peace resonates in those structures. If your house is like a temple, imagine how much it will help in meditation. Tried some yoga poses with my sister. Its awesome when you have like minded people around. So you don't hang out just because they are family but because there is so much to learn while having fun.

Poha jalebi : This also wasn't planned. I had my own reservations against eating outside but it was awesome. Again, a little bit of yoga discussion, a lazy dog, piping hot jalebis and poha and more conversations. I don't really know how it could be better.

Yoga : Okay so every college session, i gained weight and every vacation, my mom made me do yoga to lose that weight. In fact before I stepped out of home, she got me for 4 months and I turned into this lean person. She will always be my first yoga teacher, whatever flexibility lies with me is all her doing. Whatever no care attitude lies in me is because of my dad, the  power to say okk its done what can we do about it lets move on is one of the sentences that was repeated so many times in my home.
So finally I got to show my yoga practice. To which they said, this should not be shared just experienced, we love that you are doing great, it makes us proud but stop putting your pics out there hehe.

My mom drove car : So I knew my mom learned how to ride a bicycle just recently. Then one day we go off to a ground and scared me is contemplating how to run back to avoid getting behind car wheel and boom my mom starts driving like a pro. Whaaaat she's got that will and determination. It blew my mind.

Walks on dam: Well it wasn't walks, just one walk but it is always good. The sunrise, they see how I am walking, how much weight I should lose from where, hmm i don't mind when they advise, it just shows they care. accepting implementing good parts of it is in my hands.Then there are my dad's friends we stop and chat with .  Walks and talks and then we all start racing, then there is this temple where we stop, take my favorite prasad nariyal chironji aha and then there is another temple with a cow dog idling around. I love that there are so many stray animals fed happily by people. They get freedom, people get little affection.

Long sessions on being strong : And we had these super long sessions on how its time for me to get stronger, more independent. How i have to stop being lazy putting off my work on others, take up my responsibilities and just be more social but unattached. Hehe this one is like a full post material.

Getting ready for wedding: When my parents came for wedding, I didn't have a lot of time for them. Whenever we met, we had tea which is my fav drink, my mom saw me dancing having fun, my dad took pictures of me and mom, my mom went with me to parlour, parlour lady had backpain so we somehow convinced her to guide and my mom would drape the saree. These little moments of coordination and simplicity are the base of my life. I don't know its just all perfect setting for me. I got some shopping time with my sister too.

I feel like this was the trip that made our bond stronger in a karmic sense with less attachment. Now all my mom talks about is bk shivani.  We discuss her videos, my sister practices meditation, life moved in right direction for all of us.

We were all born flawless. Lets get back to that naive simple quality.

Thanks

NAMASTE

Radiate love even in criticism :)

I think instead of getting our praises done all the time, we should get our butt kicked from time to time too. Its lucky to have someone who just doesn't care about sparing those precious new feelings on non talent sucking. Like they say, its better to have a critic than to have a flatterer.

Thank god there is not one like me around me because that would make this me a real nothing. Its not easy to be grounded, a simple trail of compliments make me feel like I own a place. Ohh I am so pretty and then bam there is so much to looking great, an outfit haircut accessories. When I do nothing, I look like a 80s hippie from time travel. From cooking to cleaning to photography, there are so many aspects of life you need advice on constantly. Why not get it from a trusted source instead of making bffs with random people.

Its also like if he didn't point out what all I did wrong, I wouldn't have made this far. I love him, I know its annoying to have a flawful person in home having to correct them from time to time. But see you get to live with your own kind of creation. Water the root, enjoy the fruit.

Yesterday, I met my friend's kid. There is so much to learn from kids. She got angry at him for some reason, the kid simply turned, didn't react and hugged her like I get you mom, there is no need for me to get back at you, he didn't apologize just accepted his mistake, laughed and moved on.


If someone breaks a vase, we attack person not situation. So while giving feedback, never criticize or complain, never say you always do it you will never learn how many times we have to tell you. Don't give critical resentment anger energy, it will look like you are victimizing person with your harsh words. If you really look at situation, person getting criticized is hurt and receiving negative energy crushing self esteem, person who's criticizing is practically violent inflicting pain with words killing their self respect, less confidence. The one who actually suffers long term is the one criticizing. If you create that much anger energy for everyone around you and also that fear if that other person will even agree to it, its like depleting soul's energy.

So how to tell. Be attentive while giving feedback. Separate person from act. If you keep attacking person, soul's energy will deplete, again they will make same mistake. Never ask how did it happen, why. Just see how we can do it future. Anyways if you end up hurting someone, automatically you will get negative energy back. This is the easiest way to discharge your battery. If we are the stimulus of someone's pain, never waste time thinking i was right let them suffer, your soul is suffering too. If someone gets hurt fast, heal them fast, why are we in a relationship if we don't help. When someone gets even a bruise, we run to them but when it comes to this hurting soul thing, no one comes. Radiate love when you feel them hurt. Do a gesture with thought and words so they come out fast. Otherwise we are all connected, you will feel discharged. Pain spreads.

Parents have intentions of improvement, but tone is of criticism. That should be in check too. As soon as you are angry, you don't love anyone.

In short, give feedback not criticism. Empower the soul. Probability of making same mistake will be less. Nothing is more important than soul power. Never ever should the conversation be focused on past. No punishing, insults anymore. Be love. You are a loving soul talking to another loving soul.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh1gtfEbG0Y&t=3s

Thanks,

NAMASTE

Why marriages become bitter and resentful

Have you noticed how with the passing time, a married couple is defined by a nagging wife and an angry husband? How does it get to this point? We all start with a life like a happy bollywood song of love and teasing. As a child, I witnessed this couple, when my cousin got engaged to a girl, both of them couldn't stop flirting, he would play songs, she would be shy sometimes act hard to get. 6 years down the line I saw a different couple, she was more in control he was less in love. They were just raising kids and surviving family.

Hehe acc to my observations, it happens slowly, so slowly we barely notice us even doing it. It starts with simple tasks we do lovingly for each other. We care for each others' health moods food. Then over time, tasks become a part of routine, breakfast is analyzed more eaten less. Its not bad to improve quality of life but we forget who is contributing how to household, all we remember is what they forget to do. Why didn't you take trash out? Why do you have excuses all the time? Why can't you take care of yourself? Why didn't you clean up? But we barely notice when they do all these.  Good is ignored, bad is highlighted. Good becomes normal necessary, bad becomes recklessness.

Insensitivity is contagious too. One person in anger pushes it, other egotistic person repeats it. If he is not listening, let him learn a lesson. She wouldn't care. Let her be. Ohh who will talk first sometimes leads to days of silence. Let her cry, let him be alone.

Hmm after a while, even when you are mad or angry, you would rather not say. Just curse in mind. If you say, it comes out in harshest ways. Sometimes a person may summon all the courage in the world and say nicely, it is received in a way that says this is your opinion and you know nothing. Hehe we get stuck in these vicious circles and then arise nagging and angry couples. He doesn't care and she can't take it any more. Even when you spend time together, there are no common favorite things. So more resentment creeps in.

So if I had to fight this, hmm first of all let us appreciate things people do for us and not take them for granted. All the little things we loved in beginning are still done by them, in fact they have mastered it now. When you feel angry or irritated, express it  as soon as possible. Find a solution. When your partner tells you something believing you will understand why they are upset, don't diss it ever. They will not come back to you next time. If someone is frustrated, help them by cheering them up or encouraging, don't point at their past mistakes or your reminders that they were doing wrong.

A lot of effort goes in keeping this marriage ship floating, holes will pop up time to time. If we don't keep them in check, ship will sink to the bottoms of sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration and every damn reason sign board will point to this ridiculous person we married. Who in fact is the love of our life we chose to be with. Just treat your spouse how you would treat a new beautiful friend. Forget you have known them this long. People become independent over time but that doesn't mean we stop asking if they need us for something.

This is a journey, enjoy all little parts of it. Don't just look at destination and cry why you are not there yet. For childless couples too, don't just think ohh if I had a kid I would be happier. You have a beautiful life beautiful soul partner that  co exists with you.

I got this from new series, downward dog. Why not bask in this warm predictable embrace of lifelong monogamy? There is no exhausting pretense of keeping things fresh here. No one wants you to go over to paris and propose so yeah isn't it just the best spot to be. So much understanding, observation goes in a relationship, don't throw it away for silly karan johar reasons.

 This is the life journey, enjoy it.

Don't take marriage too seriously, seriously don't

We take marriage very seriously. Like way too seriously. All of us see it like a cultural traditional way of binding two souls together that were just made for each other. Some of us might not admit we do but when it comes to working out with difficult partners, people go to extreme extents to just live with this person you absolutely loath. This post is not just for girls because we know ignorance and evil comes in all shape and sizes.

Lets remove all the concepts of marriage our parents, our movies, our friends build in our minds. See it from a third person alien view. Hmm I am the alien, why do humans get married? Okay, so maybe they need company, they need someone to correct them, guide them to right path, support emotionally. In a way, to just be in harmony with a roommate who you can have kids with. 

Now we decided it wasn't enough for two people to find harmony, we included a bunch of other people, money, food, education, job blah blah. It was like we converted a class test to an IIT level exam without any increased benefits.

So first of all, remove all these unwanted accessories of marriage, hopes dreams, celebrations karwachowth blah one day I will be married to this wonderful person, make an amazing family of beautiful kids and loving in-laws. Ctrl alt del right now. 

From the scratch, if you are married and having problems of any sort, anything that ruins your peace, try to sort it out as peacefully as possible. Sit, communicate. If they are bothering you for dowry, leave them right now. Someone who puts you over money, some person who would let his parents do this to you is not worth it. This goes for guys too, girls can be pretty vicious influence too, its just a personality not gender.

I know these kind of words "not worth it" sound bookish but trust me as a  person you are so unique you should celebrate yourself. Never ever think of ending your life for a minor thing called marriage. Its not your life, its just a part of your life like we eat, drink, make friend. Like body take just the good things that are nourishing for your body, soul and all the impurities you just flush. If people start acting like impurities creating poison in our thoughts, just flush them. 

 Don't be mean in pursuit of this. Ohh I am so damn important, don't over estimate yourself. Just be you. Marriage is to have fun but who says you can't have fun all by yourself. Sex is important but with tinder almost all have access to it. Sex might be less needed with age, who knows.  If you really want kids, there are adoption agencies all over. Ohh but how will i manage kids without partner. Is it easier with a partner who will not help you at all? Isn't it better to just fly solo? Think about it, you have a bullock cart, you are the bull. Yes, it will be damn easier if another bull came and took some load off. What if that bull rides the bullock cart along with bull parents. This goes for both sexes.

You are in troubled marriage. How do you get out of it? First of all, make it as short as possible. Just sign papers, tell them you want to be as quick as possible with the divorce. You can always earn money back, but time that you waste in fighting for the lost marriage time will never be useful. Life is so important, we can't waste it in courts, lawyers and above all people you really hate. 

If other party is not willing and they demand money, if it is in your power give them money and get rid of this. See, its not just the end of this case, you need more years to probably get rid of hate, anger, feelings of loneliness. To build a life again, you need time. Don't waste it going around with someone stubborn. When you fight a stubborn, you just lose time. 

I have never worked a day in my life. I hate the idea of job. And most of the people these days have jobs. So if you are like me and thinking, ohh what will I do  without money. You don't need a lot of money to survive in a small town, if you want to be in a city, you can always start with bpo jobs that are for all languages. Its better to take a leap into the unknown world than suffer in the known one.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. From my experience, it tests you changes you into a better peaceful person. If it is not doing that for you or you feel like there are more struggles than rewards, stop it. No one should have that kind of power where they can destroy your life without even feeling a thing. Sometimes even other person wouldn't know why you are suffering. You can't blame them. Everyone is raised different. If you have kids, even better, start a new life fast so your kids don't see fights, arguments or turn into bitter over protective entities. Save their childhood. If your in-laws are evil, stay away from them, save your life.

My cousin got married into a family. They demanded dowry all the time. Everyone thought it was normal. When demands increased, she stopped telling her family. Greed ruled their minds so much, all of them whole family consumed by greed tied her suffocated her and threw her in well and claimed it was a suicide. So just stay away from evil people. There is no amount of love or reconciliation that can appeal to a greedy evil soul. Be safe. A loved one gone is gone forever. Don't force your kids to stay in marriages if they don't want to. Love them like a true parent.

 A good happy marriage can turn into an unpleasant one too, we are all changing evolving constantly. Understand and move on when the time comes. Nothing is permanent. If we try to hold on to loving moments, they vanish too and rust off leaving just bitter memories to live by. 

Be free. Be strong. Be mature. Let go . Everyone is complete in themselves. Marriage is just a variable, either it exists or not.

Life exists and blossoms without any variables, its constant. Love yourself.

Thanks,

NAMASTE

How I fixed my in-law relationships? Untangling knots of life

How did your relationship with your parents start? Or in fact think of every new relationship you make, friends, colleagues, siblings, husband blah blah. They all start on happier cheerful notes with the wish to at least give a chance, understand this person. Hell, we even go for drinks with people we barely know.

My relation with my in-laws started on like jaggery level sweet note, super sweet. My mother-in-law(mil) is the sweetest smartest mom I had met. I grew up with a homemaker mom which is awesome too but seeing this woman managing a house, job, relatives so well left an impression on me. She loved me with all her heart, my father-in-law (fil) cracked jokes around me like a new friend would do. We visited forts, ate ice golas, took loads of simple family pics. 

In our last few calls, trips all I did was finding something wrong with them or their nature or their acts. It had to blast up and it did, they felt we didn't respect or communicate enough. So the whole act of trying to find peace also suffered. It made me realize what tricks mind was playing. There is no reaction without an equal force action. 

From last few weeks, it was over contemplation on this topic. Over years, we forget the good qualities of people and all we see is their faults. I forgot how she got me my fav sarees, helped me drape them, got me jewelry, never really made me cook and the best one raised this husband of mine.

So, one day looking over old pics, I decided I am gonna call them and ask every single evil skeptical thought my mind has been cooking broiling. It could be the most bravest thing  I ever did I mean kind of in a personal way. My fil picked up, I asked him dad are you angry with me? He said no I could never be angry with you, you are my daughter. Next question, why didn't we talk much then? He said we were all busy. Then we discussed each and every incident from their visits to food to wedding for like an hour. Yeah, in the end he told me he might not be very expressive but every time we leave, he cries. It was like a simple broken bridge was reconstructed. Ohh I felt so lighter.

Again, I talked to my mil too, I asked her why we were not shopping, laughing, is she mad at me? She expressed in the sweetest words, you are a piece of my heart, you are the daughter I never had, I will always love you, everytime I see you dressed up all I want to do is take your pics hehe i almost choked there. It was heart to heart conversation.

Again, sometimes emotions get you more than the actual act. Its like seeing a dog or a kid movie where you wail hopelessly for the dying ones but you never owned them. 

They expressed what they wanted from us which wasn't something that concerned me. Fulfilling people's expectations is in our hands. Love, attachment, expectations are part of different worlds. They are not same category of emotions.

Trust me if you have not tried, try it once. Have a open conversation with a clear heart. Who knows past might just be all easily erasable.

There were some other relatives who had gossiped about me. The old me avoided them as much as possible but new me talked to them with a fresh start and with conversations I saw their different sides of life and started seeing them like a person not just a relative. All you have to do is be nice and happy all for your own happiness and improved quality of life. See all as equal with no history with you. And voila lighter  fully charged soul. 

Aaah now peace can come. Accept people as they are, see the good in them. It really helps.

A few pointers before you have this kind of conversation.

First of all this does not mean you are going to agree to all of their rules or their way of life. It just means you accept how they live and let them be. This conversation is no means an indicator that you are trying to change to be better for them or you will turn into salman khan from baghban. "Maaji meri jagah to aapke charnon mein hai yeh lo bmw " You are not punishing yourself here. You live your life how you always lived in isolation or partying.

Also, don't make any false promises in these kind of conversations like ohh you can visit us next summer when we start planning kids because your parents really want to stay with your grandkids celebrating teaching all festivals. No, whatever you decide should be for your happiness not their wishes or expectations. Don't over act or be over sweet.

With every relationship, there is a terms and conditions box. Just because you are nice to everyone now doesn't mean they are all awesome apps that you just give permission to access your media, files, emotions of life. No, don't check that box. You can't trust normal emotional people with that much power. Who knows, what kind of imprisonment missiles, grenades come in those boxes for their own unfulfilled desires?

Remember in-law relationships go a long long way till you are almost old. So don't fuck it up with false pretenses of becoming ram sita. If you can't handle emotions strongly, don't do it. Whole point is to be unattached and love all the same. No one is above you, no one is below you. No one controls you. No one you control. Its isolation we seek. In no way, you are guilty or responsible for some other person's life. You don't owe anyone anything. A kid can cry for loads of things, doesn't mean parents give them everything.  That way you create stubborn authorities.

Life is a precious dream. You can design howsoever you want it.

If someone starts shouting, just leave the situation and tell them it was your part to try but unless they calm down you will not have the conversation again. Find peace in the thinking act of caring and trying. Don't lose your temper, if it starts affecting you leave the conversation.


It just was a peaceful act for the sake of soul and untangling knots. Well, parents have to understand to expect less too but that is not my lesson to give. May be it was their expectations that drove us far. Who cares though, my point is it will make your conscience clear. Do it for that, nothing more nothing less. 

I hope I find more love in my heart to extend this feeling of inclusion in a physical sense too. Who wouldn't like the kind of setting they show in south indian movies, perfect happy family.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P_0Q8CIjw8&list=RD2P_0Q8CIjw8

If you want to live life, never make an opinion about anything any person any act. Conclusion means death. Life means no conclusion. Whatever conclusions you have , just give it up. Look at everything fresh.

Have you seen that video where sadhguru interacts with karan johar? In that karan johar asks why father son relationship is difficult. Try seeing that video. Its really insightful.

Thanks,

Namaste

Why its not cool to ask for grandkids?

I meet a lot of women from 20s to 90s age circle. Most of them have the same problem, grandkids. I am not against children. They are truly a miracle.

While pursuing them, sometimes we get too insensitive.

First category that I have met is a very well spoken educated class of mother-in-laws. They know using words tactfully is important. At the same time, they can't wait to be grandmoms too. So their underlying wish sometimes takes the form of internal resentment against their daughter-in-laws which again they can't express publicly. If we suffer internally, its bad for us so the energy gets channeled to other people, probably girl's parents are asked a lot why they are not having kids. Its assumed girl is looking to be fit and probably doesn't want kids or she is too much focussed on career and doesn't understand time is passing by.  I understand their pain and longing too. When you want something that badly and everyone around is blessed with grandkids, that makes the wait longer. They are not too interfering and just ask once in 6 months.

Now, solution is talk to your son. Ask him whats whys all the questions you have in your mind. Don't presume anything. Have a session and then just leave it to them. You really can't make someone do something they are not ready for.


Second category is kind of pushy. They really really desperately want a grandkid, if walmart sold them, they would have bought some. In their desperation, they kind of lose mind to the extent of rudeness and cross boundaries. Obviously, they are suffering more. One of my friends' mom and mom-in-law keep track of her cycles and every month every call is only about why she is not having kids, how she is not eating properly or how she is not careful. All the tricks of the modern and ancient world are told to her. They even have back up options to replace her when she fails. I am serious. What a guy does is another story.

Now, solution here is to look at your daughter-in-law. How much would you cry if you really wanted a kid and couldn't have one? Would it be helpful if you rather just cheer her up and ask only when she wants to talk about it? She is following all the medical advice. We know you care but sometimes overcaring is deadly. You are making her feel more insecure, scared, messing up her hormones and interfering way too much. Its sensible to let husband wife sort this one out. At the end of it, this is their life. When you see your daughter-in-law's pain and suffering of not having a kid, it will be zillion times your own. Be mature for once and act your age.

I saved the best for the last. This is the smart sensible rare category of mother-in-laws who deeply understand that you can't push anyone to have a kid. They don't interfere, they just tell you once that when you want to plan, be healthy talk to your doctor. If you are not interested, its your choice. I met this amazing lady whose son was getting married. She told me a person should only have kids if they have the ultimate will patience and dedication to raise a responsible human being. We need that more instead of all the unwanted junk we are producing in the world. This category also knows that their son's future is with this girl, the success of their relationship is vital to his happiness.

I am not an expert on this topic. I can just request to be more thoughtful of your son's and daughter-in-law's feelings. Advice when they ask you to. Don't interfere even when they are planning. Don't blame anyone for this no-grandkid life. You raised kids and it was your chance to have fun. Register this deeply, its not your wish that matters and your strong wish might just poison your own life. After a while, they will avoid you because all you bring to table would be demands, promises for you.

 Let them handle this phase of life. It will make them stronger. You don't want a grandkid who was conceived with a lot of fears, insecurities in mother. If you really want a grandkid and your kids don't want kids, start volunteering for orphanages. Hang out with those kids. They might value you more than your own.

Inherently you are never related to soul that comes in grandkids, they will only be like you if you start teaching them your habits. Otherwise, they can become much greater human beings. Hehe just saying :)

For husbands, just talk to your parents so they don't feel like your wife is denying you the kid option. Make them listen and understand its your decision too. That is your way of protecting your companion.

Just keep in mind, your son loves you a lot and that is the only reason your daughter-in-law gives you these chances. Be nice to her for she has no attachment but the one that she loves this guy you call your son way too much. She truly does.

Everyone is seeking peace, we are all selfish

What do you really really want from life? You can have a waterfront house, audi for a car, maids to even wake you up but if you are devoid of peace, its all in vain. Your audi is in traffic, you suffer. Why are situations or people around me not acting the way I want them to? Why can't my parents understand my fitness, my lifestyle, my decisions?

Hmmm because they are not puppets. What you generate is in your mind, anger misery envy every single emotion is manufactured in that factory. People do fuel it sometimes but how we take it is all in our control.

In a way, we are all too selfish. If something gives us peace, happiness we would rather have it even if the same thing creates turbulence in other people's lives. Again, how they take it is in their control too.

I did the same. I still do it in the name of introvert syndrome.  Some place that made me uncomfortable was strictly avoided, people who bored me were constantly ignored, situations where I felt trapped were not even given the ground to grow.  End result was I missed out on great deal of life and amazing people bonding skills.

Peace is not a lamp you hold and avoid storms so nothing touches it. Its the kind of  modern age LED light that glows as long as you are charged. Soul starts discharging as soon as we give up and start whining, complaining instead of just living it through.

Life will not stop happening. We were sent here to live it fully, absorb the teachings, lessons it has in it. Hmm lets avoid this certain person, she gossiped about me. Try being really nice to them, once you start, first 5 minutes will be crazy hard then it will be a smooth ride. She might even take you for a good actor but thats her way of life. What you get out of that is what life intended for you to pick on. In the end, after talking to everyone, you will either find inspiring people or lost souls looking for directions. We are all lost anyways.

In one of my recent experiences, when all around me every person was in an unstable state, it kind of hit me, every single person consoled me in the way so the outcome will be more peaceful for their future existence. That again is from my perspective, the situation hit others worse than me, it wasn't fair to even try to gain attention.  Hehe see so when your mother says have a kid, its more for her than for you. We are wired to find peace. We try to manipulate people to fulfill our unfulfilled desires, dreams.

In short, we are all selfish we are all on our own. Create your inner peace tranquility, no one can help you.

NAMASTE

My India trip Part 4 : Detachment lessons

Indian women get married, you are constantly told now they are your parents, now you should respect them like you respect yours. We all try and fail hopelessly, we start blaming the in-laws, situations, restrictions. Sometimes they are valid too. Other times we have to look deeply and introspect for the sake of our peace.

First of all, this is the moment of detachment in a real spiritual way. As an individual, we are going to another family of varied nature of people. When I got married, young me hated the notion so much, anxiousness nervousness bit of envy for my husband's freedom made me resentful. Till my last trip, it didn't seem fair spending half of my days at in-laws after spending 9 months apart from my parents. Just looked impractical illogical.

Some major goofup happened. Everyone was hurt crying complaining. It dawned on me for my parents, project children is over. If they get involved more in my life, its not going to work for them, for me, for this other family I have accepted. The more inclination or attachment for my parents, more we are all going to suffer. Detachment was the only way out.

In that moment sobbing over the unstable state of mind, some internal voice said, you don't belong to anyone, neither your parents nor your husband can help you out. More I complained, more everyone else got aggravated. It was the first time my tears were ignored like they were uncalled for. Imagine being in a dark room wailing hopelessly when no one ever gets to the core of you because essentially no one really can. Its your feeling, you know its time to understand and leave the house. You may visit but you have to say goodbyes properly.

Everytime every trip physically emotionally I couldn't have endured this. Decision was detachment. We will meet when we can, we have had real fun times but perhaps its time to move on. Life is to be happy wherever you are but that is for you to decide. After that, I didn't look back or at least I tried not to. It takes time to practice new decisions. Whenever I tried, I saw turbulence arise around me.

This is not going to mean I don't love them.They are the only people I can truly love at all times. I am just not attached anymore.

With attachment comes anxiety that brings along fear which for sure leads to madness. I was in madness state for a while. You become most uncaring when you are attached. Just identifying with a group of people to exist happily in life is being a fool. I can extract life from everywhere all around me, love all be nice be wonderful to all. Thats how you exist in the truest sense.

 Family is a desperate group of people with the most basic needs, expand beyond that. With attachment, we just grow into these small mafias exercising our will. Don't believe in those fancy things family comes with, your childhood had. You are older wiser. I hope I can act like one from now on. Love will always be there.

Thanks,
 Namaste

My India trip Part 3 :) Birthday Unplanned

I had so many plans for my birthday which kind of was my mistake. We missed a few flights ;), we reached on my birthday morning and everyone's mind was scrambled up in indian heat till then. Worst timing ever. Hehe should have just missed train and stayed in gurgaon was the first thought as I got down from train.

Our mind exaggerates the situation sometimes. It was playing tricks with me, got me all emotional. Well, my husband of course came to rescue. Just relax, sit down and let it flow. Don't react to it.

What also hit me was everyone around me is so simple and normal, I might have escalated it into a tv serial drama. If you start looking at others' pain and confusion, you just want to hug them with all the love and compassion. Attachment is the root of problems. Should we not be attached? My next whole post is dedicated to how I  looked at this. Lets get back to my birthday.

Finally, landed met everyone. All of them just wanted to celebrate my birthday, shower me with gifts. What I wanted to do was whole another thing. Another realization hit me, when we love someone so much, we don't see other's love for us or others' love for them. Ego, anger start ruling the notion of love. Dangerous combination, takes you nowhere but in your self pity guilty state.

Aah by lunch, I was with my parents cutting cake, showing yoga tricks and enjoying my day. We all sat, talked about the whole misunderstandings, pain, confusions and resolved it. Then comes the birthday gift, lot of yoga books and bhaang was the ultimate gift, yes the one you drink on holi.

Bhang brought with it a lot more deep profound talks on contemplating people, situations and accepting things for what they are. Bhang pakora, thandai, rabdi, ras malai aha all delicacies we missed in US were gorged on. The day that started with so many complaints ended up being one of the best birthday parties for me.

This birthday just didn't give me company of my parents, it helped me be my age. That child in me has to take a backseat so the world doesn't look so unfair. Its only when you grow up, you see things as they are, not how you could manipulate them to be.

I could be blabbering now, when I see this on my 40th birthday , older me will laugh at this trying to be wiser post.

Thanks

Namaste

Passion is love, life needs love

If someone did real deep digging  on my blog, they would stumble by this starting of yoga post that showed the depressed me looking for rows to hold on to. Literally, the feeling of sinking was in. I couldn't imagine doing anything with full heart. A routine was made, worst feeling: it would have stuck for years.

Yoga arrived to rescue me. When we do something solely for ourselves, we don't just gain a skill we gain a stream of happiness. It can be cooking, zumba, skiing, writing, painting etc etc etc. Anything that makes you feel alive. The list is huge, just pick one you can thrive in.

The first thought as soon as you wake up shouldn't be the list of chores or a person. It must be this day is going to be lovely. Am I gonna take this class or am I gonna walk or am I simply staying at home blissfully enjoying perfect loneliness? Loneliness gets a bad rep, its a full post topic for me.

One more change that something with passion brings is better vibes for other creative stuff like cooking. Old me hated cooking, most of it because there is no what goes with what sense in me. I got to google at least an hour to find perfect recipe, even more when it needs mixing of more. Guess what, yoga helped my cooking. I just redirected my happy energy there. When realization of accomplishing came in a certain field, my mind figured its just more attention and consciousness. If I can be good at something by just 1 hour of my day, I can probably pick up 4 more activities and get better simultaneously. That is the motivation of successful contentment.

It will be difficult in beginning like how we learn to ride bike. My mother just learned how to ride it. Every time I called she would tell me how much her knees shoulders hurt still she kept going. She's an annoying inspiration sometimes. My husband is another kind of inspiration, he's conquered so many physical mental blocks, sometimes I wonder how the fuck is he doing so much in one day. Yeah he tries a lot too. How can you give up when you are surrounded by this energy? You can be that energy for others too.

 It has kind of given me push to get into professional swimming lessons. Yeah, it will be another cycle of learning which is so much fun as body reacts in all the creepy painful ways.

When our body and mind are tested to limits, we don't just improve in one direction. Its overall development. So keep working on yourself, you never know what you can do unless you give it a try. If passion finds you, life loves you way back more.

Self improvement track, stay on it:)

Last month I saw these few inspiring videos on relationships by b k shivani. I couldn't stop raving about the peace and stability they brought. Then after 2 weeks, it was the old me popping up. When we listen to something motivational, it does hit us, we affirm to its positivism. Nothing is ever absorbed deep in. So we have to keep reminding ourselves of the change we want to be.

In our heart, we all know the right things right words right expressions. How our mind reacts to situations, how we interpret them is a whole different reality. We are all spoiled brats acting like nothing is ever gonna get to us but eventually almost all our actions come back to bite us.

Fake relationships are complicated. That is why all our relationships are complicated. We pretend to communicate, we pretend to care while we gossip. We don't understand people or the reasons, we just pass judgments. There is no whatsoever effort of even getting to the core of their anger, aloofness,rudeness,greediness. I am not saying being saint is the ultimate goal. Its just we all need more compassion for our fellow riders.

My life is pretty simple,  grounded loving in laws who are just different. When they started expecting a bit of me and I couldn't open up enough, problems rose. Pretentiousness started. Trust me putting up a fake face when inside you are just looking to escape is the worst. Its better to do what you really want. Its better to be natural. If you can enjoy and make peace with the surroundings, that is the best. After all, peace is within us so we shouldn't really be bothered by variables. Haha but since most of us are not is that deep state of acceptance, lets amend the surroundings tactfully to get the same modified version of peace.

Anyways like always point is lets not get lost. So keep track of your self improvement. When you feel like you are losing peace, start seeing the same sadhguru shivani videos again. Jot your memory. Its through constant reminders that we train our brain to shut up the chatter. We don't have to be nice to people to be social or appreciated, its for our own good peaceful life. Meditation is the final answer to life's people's problems.

 Less drama, more life.

NAMASTE

You are the solution to your problems

When confronted with problems or stressful situations, we call moms or sisters to vent out as soon as possible. Do they ever give any useful advice? Nah, they just see the circumstances from their life glasses, judge our decisions and move on with the day. To make it worse, the problem is discussed further with the other sister in a worried gossipy tone making senseless accusations on our life, spouses, career, money blah blah blah.

I am not saying it doesn't help. But we never really reach to the point of solving it. Even if they say the right thing, some times its not the main sentence. All of the learning reasoning gets lost in our frustration.

There was some feud with a relative, no matter how much how many times it was brought up in conversations, it always ended up me having a more bitter heart. Just won't go away. A whole lot of other arguments piled up and just made my heart heavier sore to the point it felt like there was so much tangling.

Now we have to untangle our life's knots. Memories play a vital role in our happiness. You don't want to avoid anyone when you walk into a room. If the list is long, the weddings can be unbearable. Life can't be easily steered through unless you get rid of all of it. Make it a clean slate. How do you really do it? Well, the answer is accepting their flaws. No one will ever really pull you out, people like to gossip and burn fuel. To understand our own nature, we have to look deeply, introspect our soul and see what is really good for us in the long run.

If your mother in law is bothering you or your husband won't take out time for you, all you have to do is talk to them or  just accept or move on. Bitching with others, changing whatsapp pics will just make your life more painfully aggressive. In fact, even when you tell people about your pain they fail to empathize let alone apologize or help.  It will affect your personality,looks, kids, house vibe and relationships. Why suffer?

So instead of talking to all your friends on whatsapp, try seeing one b k shivani video everyday. It makes a huge difference. If you have anger issues, try sadhguru videos. Avoid all those US suggested therapist or self proclaimed relationship expert youtubers.

After a week of those videos, trust me you will feel so much better and lighter. You will be forgiving people, understanding their point of view their life and it will all be breezy.

Do try.

NAMASTE.

Valentines day facebook

As you scroll through facebook on 15th feb, its full of love posts dedicated to husbands, wives,sons. I mean its that one day its just so overwhelming. Facebook has become a love portal for all of us. Its really sweet when you see all these cheesy declarations of affection. Don't get me wrong, its cheesy but its love. Love is cheesy.

While growing up, could you have imagined an open platform where our fathers would be posting pictures of moms saying how much they appreciate and love them. Its kind of great for everyone. Why not? People like me find comfort in making fun of all this valentine stuff. We  get a thousand ways to say how it is just for the heck of the day or race to post picture in the most popular facebook frame.

What remains evident is it yields a happier crowd. A hormone that gets pumped up when you get facebook likes comments ,it gets you going. If facebook didn't exist, some of us would go through existential crisis. Well, some people might not even go restaurants or vacations because there would be no place to brag about it. I know I know its just sharing happiness. Seriously though, as you age, posts age too. Once on orkut chatting amongst us teenagers discussing our crushes, now all we wake up to is either pre wedding shoots of people in 30s or worse kids winning awards in nursery. Yeah, it sucks. We use it to show how much we love animals or dresses or beaches or even political agendas. On indian festivals, you just finish pooja on seeing all the posts by these religious morons.

You are what your facebook posts are. You might pose in a raunchy bikini and all you will get at the end of day is nice pic bhabhi didi chachi mami. Its only small town teenagers catching up on facebook who leave no occasion to remind you of your marital age. Real city teenagers have moved on to some other cool tagging app.  Hehe its not that bad. Just saying. The society we grew up in, the friends we had, our family members everyone is there moving along with us. In good or bad, you are connected somehow.

I tried to quit facebook so many times but all those funny posts of badly dressed confident people keep pulling me back. Guilty pleasure. To run away, I went on instagram and facebook kindly brought all the mess there too. Connect all your accounts so we can annoy you everywhere. Well, one of these days it will be full unplug mode.

My point is its good to have this online way of expressing our feelings as long as you mean it in person too. Don't be the person who is constantly snapping pictures of food and dress without exchanging a meaningful heart to heart conversation with your valentine. Love for real too, don't get lost in virtual aura.

What is love?

Okay I kind of went on a mean cat spiral which didn't at all work for me. I tried to judge, tried to say that I knew it all. Ultimate fault in the wisdom seeking souls.

So backing up from that track, lets go on the peace trail.

I chose a post to reply to which was so vicious of me.

Lets see my version of love.

Love is like fresh crisp lettuce, hehe it does make you glow from inside. Some of us meet in college, some in school, some in workplace, some of us meet with parents and end up getting married. Love is never different. I know everyone says love is different for everyone. To me, it is a formula you work on. Every couple has a unique chemistry. What keeps the wick burning are little considerations, acts of love mixed with understanding and kindness.

Every teenager girl grows up with romantic movies. When you see guy waiting for girl or rushing off to airport to catch her last glimpse, it appeals to you. Not because we know that kind of love, its because we all somehow want that forever romance. Its after a few years of being in a relationship, you understand the concept of it. I don't even know how old folks feel about love. We know nothing.

Its like yoga. The more you get into it, more you are comfortable and flexible. Unless you reach that point, you never know what you are missing.

Love will not be complicated. Its simple, pretty genuine simple. So never pick worthless battles.

When we met, we were so apart in nature. Its just some spark, some kind of bulb that goes ting. You kind of want to be with this person, want to know him, want him to somehow speak your language. It takes a lot of time to know families, upbringing, what shapes his/her past. Why is she so laidback? Why is she so introvert? What are these layers of personalities hiding in? How can we just become awesome together? Time goes into relationships, like loads of tons of time. Love lust sails you through.

In the meantime, you start sharing hobbies, interests. Its important to talk about random personal things. They shape a human being. Also, if you are not spending enough time, you will never go the depth of your partner's heart and character. This all sounds made up.

How do you know you got the one? I don't really have tests. All I think I would say is see that the person loves you, cares for you, respects you, understands your moods. When anger comes or arguments happen, how can  you communicate with each other without pointing fingers. You are a team. Its never a vs in home. If they made me an expert on love, cupid will resign. God knows I am the worst one to talk to in stressful situations. So someone out here is dealing with that too.

I see so many marriages around me. The crumbled ones had cracks already. The happy ones show signs of love, companionship. Have you ever realized how within a dinner, we know who dominates in the couple, who loves more, who is just hanging around? Its all out there.

When should you quit? If it seems impossible to get love and respect, move out. A person can make you feel hurt or inferior unknowingly but if someone is investing all that time in just sad hopeless arguments or fights, its better to move on.

Life is soooooo long and yet so short if you get it on with the right one. Couples who grow together carry their relationship to levels of comfort and ease. You express yourself wildly. The personality just explodes. There is this amazing confidence, exuberance that a person can add to your life. You feel cooler, lighter.

So don't look around thinking of all the unahppy sappy couples. Sometimes people grow apart in mature world too so its just life. Look at the marvellous ones who are singing their way to deadline. I hate to mention but akshay twinkle rock.

Appreciate encourage where its due. Also, the thought when someone cooks for you or works for you or buys your favorites is all love. Just soak it in, love more. Thank them. Be grateful. Its like a church wedding lecture.

Even if I die today, I have no regrets for I loved and lived each and every moment. This is the goal. Every moment is an occasion. Don't waste it fret it on minute things. Grow together. Love each other.

When in doubt, watch "This is Us"

P.S. I love you