How we spend time with my parents :)

I wanted to do so many activities with my parents in bhopal, even though we had less time than expected, we managed to accomplish all of them. Except the parts where I could eat, sleep, walk with them, just live a lazy day like we used to as a family. Well, you don't get it all, some times you get better deals when you bargain for less.

Meditation sessions : My dad found us a guy who would sit with us for meditation. All of us tried heartful meditation with this awesome volunteer. This was a new experience, practicing syncing energies with my family and it was wonderful. I felt this calmness, tranquility passing through our souls. With every meditation session, it was better. The ambience of his house, birds chirping outside, the stillness of moments. I think that is what you need. Meditation has so many stages, first stage is always beautiful like you see a new blooming flower.

Gayatri temple : This temple is like our family temple. Actually, we did go for some pooja  which was nice too. I grew up listening to mantras, performing yagnas with my mother. For me, sitting in a sunderkand or ramayan or listening to bhajans is like reliving childhood, I deeply enjoy it. So back to gayatri temple, we saw their yoga class, meditation room, healthy cows, super healthy juices, accupressure walk. It was like someone bundled all your favorite things in one place and made it. I saw a newly born calf barely walking aah this one is like a recorded video in mind.

Meditation lesson: My dad gave us some information on meditation. All that he has extracted from books and his own practice. It was huge of him to share it. Hmm its also not about information or knowledge, its more like someone's effort of improving your life that counts.

Bhaang : My bhaang thandai birthday was epic. Sitting with more people and having conversations was something I never imagined going with bhaang but it was aah truly the best trip in months as in high trip not trip trip. My dad opened up, shared some of his stories like how osho addressed him in school, my mom made jokes like she always does, my sis well I think she didn't let it in but it was fun. How my mom literally brought her mortal pestel to make it authentic how my dad went out and stacked up all our favorite foods ohh life surprises you. I never wanted to cut cake but even that moment was special, yoga cake aahh sometimes I wonder what if I could just meet them once in a month and hang out but nah going back India is not going to work anymore, luxuries of life have spoiled me. I choose this wonderful silent beautiful place.

Birla temple : We like temples I guess. Birla temple had so many religious quotes written all over but we never read them. First time, we stopped, read, tried to understand. Temples should always be near nature. So much peace resonates in those structures. If your house is like a temple, imagine how much it will help in meditation. Tried some yoga poses with my sister. Its awesome when you have like minded people around. So you don't hang out just because they are family but because there is so much to learn while having fun.

Poha jalebi : This also wasn't planned. I had my own reservations against eating outside but it was awesome. Again, a little bit of yoga discussion, a lazy dog, piping hot jalebis and poha and more conversations. I don't really know how it could be better.

Yoga : Okay so every college session, i gained weight and every vacation, my mom made me do yoga to lose that weight. In fact before I stepped out of home, she got me for 4 months and I turned into this lean person. She will always be my first yoga teacher, whatever flexibility lies with me is all her doing. Whatever no care attitude lies in me is because of my dad, the  power to say okk its done what can we do about it lets move on is one of the sentences that was repeated so many times in my home.
So finally I got to show my yoga practice. To which they said, this should not be shared just experienced, we love that you are doing great, it makes us proud but stop putting your pics out there hehe.

My mom drove car : So I knew my mom learned how to ride a bicycle just recently. Then one day we go off to a ground and scared me is contemplating how to run back to avoid getting behind car wheel and boom my mom starts driving like a pro. Whaaaat she's got that will and determination. It blew my mind.

Walks on dam: Well it wasn't walks, just one walk but it is always good. The sunrise, they see how I am walking, how much weight I should lose from where, hmm i don't mind when they advise, it just shows they care. accepting implementing good parts of it is in my hands.Then there are my dad's friends we stop and chat with .  Walks and talks and then we all start racing, then there is this temple where we stop, take my favorite prasad nariyal chironji aha and then there is another temple with a cow dog idling around. I love that there are so many stray animals fed happily by people. They get freedom, people get little affection.

Long sessions on being strong : And we had these super long sessions on how its time for me to get stronger, more independent. How i have to stop being lazy putting off my work on others, take up my responsibilities and just be more social but unattached. Hehe this one is like a full post material.

Getting ready for wedding: When my parents came for wedding, I didn't have a lot of time for them. Whenever we met, we had tea which is my fav drink, my mom saw me dancing having fun, my dad took pictures of me and mom, my mom went with me to parlour, parlour lady had backpain so we somehow convinced her to guide and my mom would drape the saree. These little moments of coordination and simplicity are the base of my life. I don't know its just all perfect setting for me. I got some shopping time with my sister too.

I feel like this was the trip that made our bond stronger in a karmic sense with less attachment. Now all my mom talks about is bk shivani.  We discuss her videos, my sister practices meditation, life moved in right direction for all of us.

We were all born flawless. Lets get back to that naive simple quality.

Thanks

NAMASTE

Whats up with my yoga

I got so much immersed in india trip and recovering from india trip, anemia diagnosis, meditation side effects  yoga got sidelined. If I had to change one thing in me, it would be not taking this long to get back into my routine of food and exercise. Lets take this instance, I have been trying to pick up a new activity tabata running swimming or walking at least and nothing has started yet, why because laziness in me thinks I can always do it tomorrow. There are always thousand excuses why it is not good for today.  Either we stop going india or I stop messing up less. People like me are the reason fitness trainers earn so much.

So frankly, I don't see a lot of progress made in last 3 months. Its not my intuition, a lot of pics prove it. This year has not really seen much improvement in me. A bit here and there in terms of flexibility but that is easy part. In an interview, a yoga teacher said the asana that you find most difficult in terms of body and focus is actually your asana. So if we go by that, handstands are the one, for me probably headstand to start with. The book that my mother gave me also explicitly says you don't have to practice difficult asanas, with time you will be able to do them so advanced bikram class and all those bendy moves, perhaps they don't need that much effort, actually they don't, after some classes I realized I was there to merely see how much I can easily do not how much I can't do. In fact there were some moves that were near perfection and they lost flow too. I am bending knees to meet head again, my head was almost on knee in standing head to knee pose, its far now, again I have to work on it. Sometimes things go backwards too. I can give a trail of excuses but excuses are just fool's ways of convincing to be sub standard average normal hamsters.

How to make progress there where you really really want it and somehow neither your body nor your mind boosts you enough? Hmm practice I guess. More more more practice for me in next 6 months so I make something of me this year. A better version should be launched every new year. New year is not just for boozing anymore. Aaah love this little hope of getting stronger better.

All one can do is get up fast, collect the practice experience and quickly move ahead. There is no time to think why what when, just do it.

Thanks,
NAMASTE

Hmm phase 2 of meditation sucks

Phase 1 is the best one always. It started with someone suggesting raja yoga meditation, b k shivani and her videos and sadhguru, ohh if only that phase continued all my life. It was so damn peaceful. Most of my life has been in this reckless, laidoff buzz, never really shouted or even felt anger as an emotion. To me, it was super peaceful and happy. Nothing bothered me nothing, money food clothes nothing literally well except relatives.

Now in the initial stages of meditation, my life turned into a dream. I over loved it all. Even relatives part disappeared from my life. Those walks, smiles aah.  Gosh, but dreams are just dreams. 

Phase 2 of this one is anger, a lot of anger. The only emotion I never really experienced. I am angry like hulk level angry, so angry I want to chop off people's head if I get the dagger from bahubali. And because I have never felt this, I really have no idea how to express it. Previous me just pretended to listen if some one complained or even raised voice, this me starts cursing in mind, this me just wants to make a dramatic exit, this me hates being called lazy or irresponsible or even being blamed or taught or told that my life is so fairylike,   this me just likes to be alone because anyone can make me angry or anxious. Its like walking on a minefield. I am trapped in this phase of hulk.All the hurtful words just stay with me for days. Even whatsapp conversations get to me, like why would she lie why would he blame me why won't they understand why is she so clingy. All I want to do is scream or cry but even that doesn't happen easily.  Worst part, can't express it easily, never really did it. I feel like people are trying to walk all over me, like its been happening all my life and this is the time to just shrug every single being off. Suddenly, I feel unloved and worthless and just lonely. Imagine me feeling lonely unheard like a housewife, aah god I loved being with me all by myself, just me hanging out with no feelings and a lot of fun.

 Hmm don't worry too much, this is just a phase. 

So obviously I googled. This can't be my natural state. It had to be meditation. Yep, it is. Apparently, when you start meditation and get a bit deeper into it, mind starts releasing different layers slowly. Its not like one moment you will be happy other moment you will be angry, you will be angry till all of it is out of system. Experts say release it in all the healthy ways. Start running, swimming, kickboxing anything to get rage out of your system. So next emotion can be released. Mediation just warms up in beginning so you don't leave. This is a real tough journey. If you are a product of indian parenting, even more emotions will come up. As soon as I get rid of this anger, there will be a lot of other hidden demons that will pop out in next posts. Right now, lets take care of this one. Lets shout cry swim run till all the anger is out. Yes, temptations also try to pull you back, all the stupid bollywood movies, tv shows, junk food, alcohol are calling me back but nah a lazy person knows not to waste efforts. 

Hmm married couples should just be more careful, he/she is not angry at you, its their mind releasing the toxin. Its like mind detoxification. Its not about you, at the same time don't mention this when they get angry because then it will be about you 😉 Keep meditating even though it will feel like nothing.

Try this one, it helped me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSXcZmUN0OQ

NAMASTE

THANKS

ALL THE BEST TO ME 👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿

Radiate love even in criticism :)

I think instead of getting our praises done all the time, we should get our butt kicked from time to time too. Its lucky to have someone who just doesn't care about sparing those precious new feelings on non talent sucking. Like they say, its better to have a critic than to have a flatterer.

Thank god there is not one like me around me because that would make this me a real nothing. Its not easy to be grounded, a simple trail of compliments make me feel like I own a place. Ohh I am so pretty and then bam there is so much to looking great, an outfit haircut accessories. When I do nothing, I look like a 80s hippie from time travel. From cooking to cleaning to photography, there are so many aspects of life you need advice on constantly. Why not get it from a trusted source instead of making bffs with random people.

Its also like if he didn't point out what all I did wrong, I wouldn't have made this far. I love him, I know its annoying to have a flawful person in home having to correct them from time to time. But see you get to live with your own kind of creation. Water the root, enjoy the fruit.

Yesterday, I met my friend's kid. There is so much to learn from kids. She got angry at him for some reason, the kid simply turned, didn't react and hugged her like I get you mom, there is no need for me to get back at you, he didn't apologize just accepted his mistake, laughed and moved on.


If someone breaks a vase, we attack person not situation. So while giving feedback, never criticize or complain, never say you always do it you will never learn how many times we have to tell you. Don't give critical resentment anger energy, it will look like you are victimizing person with your harsh words. If you really look at situation, person getting criticized is hurt and receiving negative energy crushing self esteem, person who's criticizing is practically violent inflicting pain with words killing their self respect, less confidence. The one who actually suffers long term is the one criticizing. If you create that much anger energy for everyone around you and also that fear if that other person will even agree to it, its like depleting soul's energy.

So how to tell. Be attentive while giving feedback. Separate person from act. If you keep attacking person, soul's energy will deplete, again they will make same mistake. Never ask how did it happen, why. Just see how we can do it future. Anyways if you end up hurting someone, automatically you will get negative energy back. This is the easiest way to discharge your battery. If we are the stimulus of someone's pain, never waste time thinking i was right let them suffer, your soul is suffering too. If someone gets hurt fast, heal them fast, why are we in a relationship if we don't help. When someone gets even a bruise, we run to them but when it comes to this hurting soul thing, no one comes. Radiate love when you feel them hurt. Do a gesture with thought and words so they come out fast. Otherwise we are all connected, you will feel discharged. Pain spreads.

Parents have intentions of improvement, but tone is of criticism. That should be in check too. As soon as you are angry, you don't love anyone.

In short, give feedback not criticism. Empower the soul. Probability of making same mistake will be less. Nothing is more important than soul power. Never ever should the conversation be focused on past. No punishing, insults anymore. Be love. You are a loving soul talking to another loving soul.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh1gtfEbG0Y&t=3s

Thanks,

NAMASTE

India trip part 9: Flying back home :)

If it was some place where you could just cancel a train and extend vacation, we would to it but on the other end stood our home, our sweet sweet home we love way too much.

This is how Koh samui said bye well it was nature but still why not feel good about coincidences that happen around you.

Full rainbow emerged with mild rains and perfect weather. There are so many different airport regulations everywhere, you can put laptops in bags or in checkin or not in checkin. Just see airport rules. Well, luckily we put portable charger in suitcase, they took us in a separate bus, it was all so quick and friendly. They didn't make us feel like we did a mistake like some of the major airlines might do. I love koh samui for this simplicity in execution of touristy mistakes. And of course rainbow rainbow.

So our flight was from koh samui to shanghai to lax to seattle. We opted for indian food and guess what on flight from koh samui to shanghai, we got the best indian food ever in  a flight. Perfectly made with kheer. Hehe better than most of the indian restaurants serve. Huh what a perfect ending. China Eastern airlines again made me happy, silence food clean washroom. I even synced my sleep with seattle time so I could just be without jetlag.

As soon as we reached los angeles, we couldn't wait to be home. And voila home sweet home. There is nothing better than waking up in my own bed, using my own kitchen, going back to my yoga studio where teachers know my progress and best of all there is no one to mess with our moods here. We are free.

This is our kingdom. We rule.

My Vikasa koh samui experience : India trip part 8 Thailand

Now comes the best stop of the journey, the one we purposely ventured into. Other parts were just stages of a game to get to this perfect zone.

Finally, we entered our room with aching bodies and hearts. Have you noticed someone can put you in the most beautiful place you will ever see and your mind won't let you snap out of something stupid that won't matter in days? Some kind of switch that turns off and makes you believe all you need to think about is the past that is literally past.

After two days, we were back in our own skin. Vikasa vikasa, this resort gave us new goals in life. We saw group of teachers undergoing yoga training. They got geeta mahabharat lessons from experienced people. They had access to good food all day. They stayed in these beautiful beach huts. There were so many things I loved about this experience.

Yoga yoga yoga, how yoga is taught makes it peaceful or athletic. Yoga is all about breathing, practicing in peace. In our hot yoga rooms, we just run through it. Ohh and who wouldn't want to be near those chirping birds and falling waves. It was magical like someone put yoga in perspective and designed a sanctuary around it. Some of the poses that I didn't even attempt in class , I just sailed through in Vikasa. Shavasana was given importance finally. We practiced together, it was amazing. He's getting so much stronger and flexible, only competition I can adore :)

Food omg food. Imagine a vegan place where they serve healthiest yummiest food. We were in awe of their menu, even their cocktails were interesting fruity combinations. We didn't have to go anywhere outside for lunch dinner. It was a dream buffet. Everything that is nourishing was served. Smoothies, chia jars aah filled our brains with so many ideas we could bring home and add to our home menu.  Food by the ocean. Ohh, I should add them to our home menu.

Then of course chill. We chilled most of the day, read books, took naps, sat around beaches, meditated aah from that time meditation has been a tough cookie to crack. More on that in next post.

Dogs in koh samui are super friendly. There is this yogi dog henry in vikasa, he comes for yoga classes and just sits patiently like he's meditating. Everyone loves Henry. Some dogs hang out around shops and they are so cuddly, they don't pounce or get too excited, they are just there if you want to feel good hanging out.

Massages aaah massages, long painful massages. It was the first time so when she came with those knuckles and knees, god I just breathed through. It feels kind of royal laying out by the ocean getting massages. It kind of broke my body consciousness too. Ohh amazing amazing amazing. All the tiredness from wedding, heat, mental chaos dissolved in it.

Above all, people in thailand are always ready to help. They are polite, courteous to be around. Its not a touristy vibe you get.

Somehow being in a place surrounded by people who are doing what you might eventually do gives a lot of courage to be on the path. A place like this widens your horizon of living. Live more fully. Be more happy. Break your biological identity. Its time to turn into your own and shine.

Beautiful silent places do help with yoga, peace, meditation. I hope one day one of these places becomes my future home.

When you plan a trip like this, go in relaxed state otherwise some time might go in bringing yourself back to normal and then going to happier version of yourself. In fact why not turn our home into this yoga sanctuary, my own vacation home. Hmm, gotta work on that.

Thanks,


NAMASTE

Why marriages become bitter and resentful

Have you noticed how with the passing time, a married couple is defined by a nagging wife and an angry husband? How does it get to this point? We all start with a life like a happy bollywood song of love and teasing. As a child, I witnessed this couple, when my cousin got engaged to a girl, both of them couldn't stop flirting, he would play songs, she would be shy sometimes act hard to get. 6 years down the line I saw a different couple, she was more in control he was less in love. They were just raising kids and surviving family.

Hehe acc to my observations, it happens slowly, so slowly we barely notice us even doing it. It starts with simple tasks we do lovingly for each other. We care for each others' health moods food. Then over time, tasks become a part of routine, breakfast is analyzed more eaten less. Its not bad to improve quality of life but we forget who is contributing how to household, all we remember is what they forget to do. Why didn't you take trash out? Why do you have excuses all the time? Why can't you take care of yourself? Why didn't you clean up? But we barely notice when they do all these.  Good is ignored, bad is highlighted. Good becomes normal necessary, bad becomes recklessness.

Insensitivity is contagious too. One person in anger pushes it, other egotistic person repeats it. If he is not listening, let him learn a lesson. She wouldn't care. Let her be. Ohh who will talk first sometimes leads to days of silence. Let her cry, let him be alone.

Hmm after a while, even when you are mad or angry, you would rather not say. Just curse in mind. If you say, it comes out in harshest ways. Sometimes a person may summon all the courage in the world and say nicely, it is received in a way that says this is your opinion and you know nothing. Hehe we get stuck in these vicious circles and then arise nagging and angry couples. He doesn't care and she can't take it any more. Even when you spend time together, there are no common favorite things. So more resentment creeps in.

So if I had to fight this, hmm first of all let us appreciate things people do for us and not take them for granted. All the little things we loved in beginning are still done by them, in fact they have mastered it now. When you feel angry or irritated, express it  as soon as possible. Find a solution. When your partner tells you something believing you will understand why they are upset, don't diss it ever. They will not come back to you next time. If someone is frustrated, help them by cheering them up or encouraging, don't point at their past mistakes or your reminders that they were doing wrong.

A lot of effort goes in keeping this marriage ship floating, holes will pop up time to time. If we don't keep them in check, ship will sink to the bottoms of sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration and every damn reason sign board will point to this ridiculous person we married. Who in fact is the love of our life we chose to be with. Just treat your spouse how you would treat a new beautiful friend. Forget you have known them this long. People become independent over time but that doesn't mean we stop asking if they need us for something.

This is a journey, enjoy all little parts of it. Don't just look at destination and cry why you are not there yet. For childless couples too, don't just think ohh if I had a kid I would be happier. You have a beautiful life beautiful soul partner that  co exists with you.

I got this from new series, downward dog. Why not bask in this warm predictable embrace of lifelong monogamy? There is no exhausting pretense of keeping things fresh here. No one wants you to go over to paris and propose so yeah isn't it just the best spot to be. So much understanding, observation goes in a relationship, don't throw it away for silly karan johar reasons.

 This is the life journey, enjoy it.

Don't take marriage too seriously, seriously don't

We take marriage very seriously. Like way too seriously. All of us see it like a cultural traditional way of binding two souls together that were just made for each other. Some of us might not admit we do but when it comes to working out with difficult partners, people go to extreme extents to just live with this person you absolutely loath. This post is not just for girls because we know ignorance and evil comes in all shape and sizes.

Lets remove all the concepts of marriage our parents, our movies, our friends build in our minds. See it from a third person alien view. Hmm I am the alien, why do humans get married? Okay, so maybe they need company, they need someone to correct them, guide them to right path, support emotionally. In a way, to just be in harmony with a roommate who you can have kids with. 

Now we decided it wasn't enough for two people to find harmony, we included a bunch of other people, money, food, education, job blah blah. It was like we converted a class test to an IIT level exam without any increased benefits.

So first of all, remove all these unwanted accessories of marriage, hopes dreams, celebrations karwachowth blah one day I will be married to this wonderful person, make an amazing family of beautiful kids and loving in-laws. Ctrl alt del right now. 

From the scratch, if you are married and having problems of any sort, anything that ruins your peace, try to sort it out as peacefully as possible. Sit, communicate. If they are bothering you for dowry, leave them right now. Someone who puts you over money, some person who would let his parents do this to you is not worth it. This goes for guys too, girls can be pretty vicious influence too, its just a personality not gender.

I know these kind of words "not worth it" sound bookish but trust me as a  person you are so unique you should celebrate yourself. Never ever think of ending your life for a minor thing called marriage. Its not your life, its just a part of your life like we eat, drink, make friend. Like body take just the good things that are nourishing for your body, soul and all the impurities you just flush. If people start acting like impurities creating poison in our thoughts, just flush them. 

 Don't be mean in pursuit of this. Ohh I am so damn important, don't over estimate yourself. Just be you. Marriage is to have fun but who says you can't have fun all by yourself. Sex is important but with tinder almost all have access to it. Sex might be less needed with age, who knows.  If you really want kids, there are adoption agencies all over. Ohh but how will i manage kids without partner. Is it easier with a partner who will not help you at all? Isn't it better to just fly solo? Think about it, you have a bullock cart, you are the bull. Yes, it will be damn easier if another bull came and took some load off. What if that bull rides the bullock cart along with bull parents. This goes for both sexes.

You are in troubled marriage. How do you get out of it? First of all, make it as short as possible. Just sign papers, tell them you want to be as quick as possible with the divorce. You can always earn money back, but time that you waste in fighting for the lost marriage time will never be useful. Life is so important, we can't waste it in courts, lawyers and above all people you really hate. 

If other party is not willing and they demand money, if it is in your power give them money and get rid of this. See, its not just the end of this case, you need more years to probably get rid of hate, anger, feelings of loneliness. To build a life again, you need time. Don't waste it going around with someone stubborn. When you fight a stubborn, you just lose time. 

I have never worked a day in my life. I hate the idea of job. And most of the people these days have jobs. So if you are like me and thinking, ohh what will I do  without money. You don't need a lot of money to survive in a small town, if you want to be in a city, you can always start with bpo jobs that are for all languages. Its better to take a leap into the unknown world than suffer in the known one.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. From my experience, it tests you changes you into a better peaceful person. If it is not doing that for you or you feel like there are more struggles than rewards, stop it. No one should have that kind of power where they can destroy your life without even feeling a thing. Sometimes even other person wouldn't know why you are suffering. You can't blame them. Everyone is raised different. If you have kids, even better, start a new life fast so your kids don't see fights, arguments or turn into bitter over protective entities. Save their childhood. If your in-laws are evil, stay away from them, save your life.

My cousin got married into a family. They demanded dowry all the time. Everyone thought it was normal. When demands increased, she stopped telling her family. Greed ruled their minds so much, all of them whole family consumed by greed tied her suffocated her and threw her in well and claimed it was a suicide. So just stay away from evil people. There is no amount of love or reconciliation that can appeal to a greedy evil soul. Be safe. A loved one gone is gone forever. Don't force your kids to stay in marriages if they don't want to. Love them like a true parent.

 A good happy marriage can turn into an unpleasant one too, we are all changing evolving constantly. Understand and move on when the time comes. Nothing is permanent. If we try to hold on to loving moments, they vanish too and rust off leaving just bitter memories to live by. 

Be free. Be strong. Be mature. Let go . Everyone is complete in themselves. Marriage is just a variable, either it exists or not.

Life exists and blossoms without any variables, its constant. Love yourself.

Thanks,

NAMASTE