How did your relationship with your parents start? Or in fact think of every new relationship you make, friends, colleagues, siblings, husband blah blah. They all start on happier cheerful notes with the wish to at least give a chance, understand this person. Hell, we even go for drinks with people we barely know.
I hope I find more love in my heart to extend this feeling of inclusion in a physical sense too. Who wouldn't like the kind of setting they show in south indian movies, perfect happy family.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P_0Q8CIjw8&list=RD2P_0Q8CIjw8
If you want to live life, never make an opinion about anything any person any act. Conclusion means death. Life means no conclusion. Whatever conclusions you have , just give it up. Look at everything fresh.
Have you seen that video where sadhguru interacts with karan johar? In that karan johar asks why father son relationship is difficult. Try seeing that video. Its really insightful.
My relation with my in-laws started on like jaggery level sweet note, super sweet. My mother-in-law(mil) is the sweetest smartest mom I had met. I grew up with a homemaker mom which is awesome too but seeing this woman managing a house, job, relatives so well left an impression on me. She loved me with all her heart, my father-in-law (fil) cracked jokes around me like a new friend would do. We visited forts, ate ice golas, took loads of simple family pics.
In our last few calls, trips all I did was finding something wrong with them or their nature or their acts. It had to blast up and it did, they felt we didn't respect or communicate enough. So the whole act of trying to find peace also suffered. It made me realize what tricks mind was playing. There is no reaction without an equal force action.
From last few weeks, it was over contemplation on this topic. Over years, we forget the good qualities of people and all we see is their faults. I forgot how she got me my fav sarees, helped me drape them, got me jewelry, never really made me cook and the best one raised this husband of mine.
So, one day looking over old pics, I decided I am gonna call them and ask every single evil skeptical thought my mind has been cooking broiling. It could be the most bravest thing I ever did I mean kind of in a personal way. My fil picked up, I asked him dad are you angry with me? He said no I could never be angry with you, you are my daughter. Next question, why didn't we talk much then? He said we were all busy. Then we discussed each and every incident from their visits to food to wedding for like an hour. Yeah, in the end he told me he might not be very expressive but every time we leave, he cries. It was like a simple broken bridge was reconstructed. Ohh I felt so lighter.
Again, I talked to my mil too, I asked her why we were not shopping, laughing, is she mad at me? She expressed in the sweetest words, you are a piece of my heart, you are the daughter I never had, I will always love you, everytime I see you dressed up all I want to do is take your pics hehe i almost choked there. It was heart to heart conversation.
Again, sometimes emotions get you more than the actual act. Its like seeing a dog or a kid movie where you wail hopelessly for the dying ones but you never owned them.
Again, sometimes emotions get you more than the actual act. Its like seeing a dog or a kid movie where you wail hopelessly for the dying ones but you never owned them.
They expressed what they wanted from us which wasn't something that concerned me. Fulfilling people's expectations is in our hands. Love, attachment, expectations are part of different worlds. They are not same category of emotions.
Trust me if you have not tried, try it once. Have a open conversation with a clear heart. Who knows past might just be all easily erasable.
There were some other relatives who had gossiped about me. The old me avoided them as much as possible but new me talked to them with a fresh start and with conversations I saw their different sides of life and started seeing them like a person not just a relative. All you have to do is be nice and happy all for your own happiness and improved quality of life. See all as equal with no history with you. And voila lighter fully charged soul.
Trust me if you have not tried, try it once. Have a open conversation with a clear heart. Who knows past might just be all easily erasable.
There were some other relatives who had gossiped about me. The old me avoided them as much as possible but new me talked to them with a fresh start and with conversations I saw their different sides of life and started seeing them like a person not just a relative. All you have to do is be nice and happy all for your own happiness and improved quality of life. See all as equal with no history with you. And voila lighter fully charged soul.
Aaah now peace can come. Accept people as they are, see the good in them. It really helps.
A few pointers before you have this kind of conversation.
First of all this does not mean you are going to agree to all of their rules or their way of life. It just means you accept how they live and let them be. This conversation is no means an indicator that you are trying to change to be better for them or you will turn into salman khan from baghban. "Maaji meri jagah to aapke charnon mein hai yeh lo bmw " You are not punishing yourself here. You live your life how you always lived in isolation or partying.
Also, don't make any false promises in these kind of conversations like ohh you can visit us next summer when we start planning kids because your parents really want to stay with your grandkids celebrating teaching all festivals. No, whatever you decide should be for your happiness not their wishes or expectations. Don't over act or be over sweet.
With every relationship, there is a terms and conditions box. Just because you are nice to everyone now doesn't mean they are all awesome apps that you just give permission to access your media, files, emotions of life. No, don't check that box. You can't trust normal emotional people with that much power. Who knows, what kind of imprisonment missiles, grenades come in those boxes for their own unfulfilled desires?
Remember in-law relationships go a long long way till you are almost old. So don't fuck it up with false pretenses of becoming ram sita. If you can't handle emotions strongly, don't do it. Whole point is to be unattached and love all the same. No one is above you, no one is below you. No one controls you. No one you control. Its isolation we seek. In no way, you are guilty or responsible for some other person's life. You don't owe anyone anything. A kid can cry for loads of things, doesn't mean parents give them everything. That way you create stubborn authorities.
Life is a precious dream. You can design howsoever you want it.
If someone starts shouting, just leave the situation and tell them it was your part to try but unless they calm down you will not have the conversation again. Find peace in the thinking act of caring and trying. Don't lose your temper, if it starts affecting you leave the conversation.
It just was a peaceful act for the sake of soul and untangling knots. Well, parents have to understand to expect less too but that is not my lesson to give. May be it was their expectations that drove us far. Who cares though, my point is it will make your conscience clear. Do it for that, nothing more nothing less.
A few pointers before you have this kind of conversation.
First of all this does not mean you are going to agree to all of their rules or their way of life. It just means you accept how they live and let them be. This conversation is no means an indicator that you are trying to change to be better for them or you will turn into salman khan from baghban. "Maaji meri jagah to aapke charnon mein hai yeh lo bmw " You are not punishing yourself here. You live your life how you always lived in isolation or partying.
Also, don't make any false promises in these kind of conversations like ohh you can visit us next summer when we start planning kids because your parents really want to stay with your grandkids celebrating teaching all festivals. No, whatever you decide should be for your happiness not their wishes or expectations. Don't over act or be over sweet.
With every relationship, there is a terms and conditions box. Just because you are nice to everyone now doesn't mean they are all awesome apps that you just give permission to access your media, files, emotions of life. No, don't check that box. You can't trust normal emotional people with that much power. Who knows, what kind of imprisonment missiles, grenades come in those boxes for their own unfulfilled desires?
Remember in-law relationships go a long long way till you are almost old. So don't fuck it up with false pretenses of becoming ram sita. If you can't handle emotions strongly, don't do it. Whole point is to be unattached and love all the same. No one is above you, no one is below you. No one controls you. No one you control. Its isolation we seek. In no way, you are guilty or responsible for some other person's life. You don't owe anyone anything. A kid can cry for loads of things, doesn't mean parents give them everything. That way you create stubborn authorities.
Life is a precious dream. You can design howsoever you want it.
If someone starts shouting, just leave the situation and tell them it was your part to try but unless they calm down you will not have the conversation again. Find peace in the thinking act of caring and trying. Don't lose your temper, if it starts affecting you leave the conversation.
It just was a peaceful act for the sake of soul and untangling knots. Well, parents have to understand to expect less too but that is not my lesson to give. May be it was their expectations that drove us far. Who cares though, my point is it will make your conscience clear. Do it for that, nothing more nothing less.
I hope I find more love in my heart to extend this feeling of inclusion in a physical sense too. Who wouldn't like the kind of setting they show in south indian movies, perfect happy family.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P_0Q8CIjw8&list=RD2P_0Q8CIjw8
If you want to live life, never make an opinion about anything any person any act. Conclusion means death. Life means no conclusion. Whatever conclusions you have , just give it up. Look at everything fresh.
Have you seen that video where sadhguru interacts with karan johar? In that karan johar asks why father son relationship is difficult. Try seeing that video. Its really insightful.
Thanks,
Namaste
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