I meet a lot of women from 20s to 90s age circle. Most of them have the same problem, grandkids. I am not against children. They are truly a miracle.
While pursuing them, sometimes we get too insensitive.
First category that I have met is a very well spoken educated class of mother-in-laws. They know using words tactfully is important. At the same time, they can't wait to be grandmoms too. So their underlying wish sometimes takes the form of internal resentment against their daughter-in-laws which again they can't express publicly. If we suffer internally, its bad for us so the energy gets channeled to other people, probably girl's parents are asked a lot why they are not having kids. Its assumed girl is looking to be fit and probably doesn't want kids or she is too much focussed on career and doesn't understand time is passing by. I understand their pain and longing too. When you want something that badly and everyone around is blessed with grandkids, that makes the wait longer. They are not too interfering and just ask once in 6 months.
Now, solution is talk to your son. Ask him whats whys all the questions you have in your mind. Don't presume anything. Have a session and then just leave it to them. You really can't make someone do something they are not ready for.
Second category is kind of pushy. They really really desperately want a grandkid, if walmart sold them, they would have bought some. In their desperation, they kind of lose mind to the extent of rudeness and cross boundaries. Obviously, they are suffering more. One of my friends' mom and mom-in-law keep track of her cycles and every month every call is only about why she is not having kids, how she is not eating properly or how she is not careful. All the tricks of the modern and ancient world are told to her. They even have back up options to replace her when she fails. I am serious. What a guy does is another story.
Now, solution here is to look at your daughter-in-law. How much would you cry if you really wanted a kid and couldn't have one? Would it be helpful if you rather just cheer her up and ask only when she wants to talk about it? She is following all the medical advice. We know you care but sometimes overcaring is deadly. You are making her feel more insecure, scared, messing up her hormones and interfering way too much. Its sensible to let husband wife sort this one out. At the end of it, this is their life. When you see your daughter-in-law's pain and suffering of not having a kid, it will be zillion times your own. Be mature for once and act your age.
I saved the best for the last. This is the smart sensible rare category of mother-in-laws who deeply understand that you can't push anyone to have a kid. They don't interfere, they just tell you once that when you want to plan, be healthy talk to your doctor. If you are not interested, its your choice. I met this amazing lady whose son was getting married. She told me a person should only have kids if they have the ultimate will patience and dedication to raise a responsible human being. We need that more instead of all the unwanted junk we are producing in the world. This category also knows that their son's future is with this girl, the success of their relationship is vital to his happiness.
I am not an expert on this topic. I can just request to be more thoughtful of your son's and daughter-in-law's feelings. Advice when they ask you to. Don't interfere even when they are planning. Don't blame anyone for this no-grandkid life. You raised kids and it was your chance to have fun. Register this deeply, its not your wish that matters and your strong wish might just poison your own life. After a while, they will avoid you because all you bring to table would be demands, promises for you.
Let them handle this phase of life. It will make them stronger. You don't want a grandkid who was conceived with a lot of fears, insecurities in mother. If you really want a grandkid and your kids don't want kids, start volunteering for orphanages. Hang out with those kids. They might value you more than your own.
Inherently you are never related to soul that comes in grandkids, they will only be like you if you start teaching them your habits. Otherwise, they can become much greater human beings. Hehe just saying :)
For husbands, just talk to your parents so they don't feel like your wife is denying you the kid option. Make them listen and understand its your decision too. That is your way of protecting your companion.
Just keep in mind, your son loves you a lot and that is the only reason your daughter-in-law gives you these chances. Be nice to her for she has no attachment but the one that she loves this guy you call your son way too much. She truly does.
While pursuing them, sometimes we get too insensitive.
First category that I have met is a very well spoken educated class of mother-in-laws. They know using words tactfully is important. At the same time, they can't wait to be grandmoms too. So their underlying wish sometimes takes the form of internal resentment against their daughter-in-laws which again they can't express publicly. If we suffer internally, its bad for us so the energy gets channeled to other people, probably girl's parents are asked a lot why they are not having kids. Its assumed girl is looking to be fit and probably doesn't want kids or she is too much focussed on career and doesn't understand time is passing by. I understand their pain and longing too. When you want something that badly and everyone around is blessed with grandkids, that makes the wait longer. They are not too interfering and just ask once in 6 months.
Now, solution is talk to your son. Ask him whats whys all the questions you have in your mind. Don't presume anything. Have a session and then just leave it to them. You really can't make someone do something they are not ready for.
Second category is kind of pushy. They really really desperately want a grandkid, if walmart sold them, they would have bought some. In their desperation, they kind of lose mind to the extent of rudeness and cross boundaries. Obviously, they are suffering more. One of my friends' mom and mom-in-law keep track of her cycles and every month every call is only about why she is not having kids, how she is not eating properly or how she is not careful. All the tricks of the modern and ancient world are told to her. They even have back up options to replace her when she fails. I am serious. What a guy does is another story.
Now, solution here is to look at your daughter-in-law. How much would you cry if you really wanted a kid and couldn't have one? Would it be helpful if you rather just cheer her up and ask only when she wants to talk about it? She is following all the medical advice. We know you care but sometimes overcaring is deadly. You are making her feel more insecure, scared, messing up her hormones and interfering way too much. Its sensible to let husband wife sort this one out. At the end of it, this is their life. When you see your daughter-in-law's pain and suffering of not having a kid, it will be zillion times your own. Be mature for once and act your age.
I saved the best for the last. This is the smart sensible rare category of mother-in-laws who deeply understand that you can't push anyone to have a kid. They don't interfere, they just tell you once that when you want to plan, be healthy talk to your doctor. If you are not interested, its your choice. I met this amazing lady whose son was getting married. She told me a person should only have kids if they have the ultimate will patience and dedication to raise a responsible human being. We need that more instead of all the unwanted junk we are producing in the world. This category also knows that their son's future is with this girl, the success of their relationship is vital to his happiness.
I am not an expert on this topic. I can just request to be more thoughtful of your son's and daughter-in-law's feelings. Advice when they ask you to. Don't interfere even when they are planning. Don't blame anyone for this no-grandkid life. You raised kids and it was your chance to have fun. Register this deeply, its not your wish that matters and your strong wish might just poison your own life. After a while, they will avoid you because all you bring to table would be demands, promises for you.
Let them handle this phase of life. It will make them stronger. You don't want a grandkid who was conceived with a lot of fears, insecurities in mother. If you really want a grandkid and your kids don't want kids, start volunteering for orphanages. Hang out with those kids. They might value you more than your own.
Inherently you are never related to soul that comes in grandkids, they will only be like you if you start teaching them your habits. Otherwise, they can become much greater human beings. Hehe just saying :)
For husbands, just talk to your parents so they don't feel like your wife is denying you the kid option. Make them listen and understand its your decision too. That is your way of protecting your companion.
Just keep in mind, your son loves you a lot and that is the only reason your daughter-in-law gives you these chances. Be nice to her for she has no attachment but the one that she loves this guy you call your son way too much. She truly does.
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