This is a classic couple tale. We love each other but some days I sulk, he gets angry, none of us seem to know how to break out of this loop. Mind goes in overdrive suggesting every single wrong path. Its not mind's fault, we programmed it that way, its years of coding.
To sulking wives,
Do you feel like his anger is unjustified? Is it like if he just comes and talks, it will be all over. But if you go , he might snap again and push you off. Its like a prisoner situation where you yourself are the jailor, no one else has created the walls, its our mind that makes us think all of it. No matter how hard we try to break out, it makes us sink deeper. Every time this happens, sinking well grows deeper, it becomes more difficult to get out this self created pathetic situation. Even if it goes on for 15 minutes, the kind of poison that is generated per second is causing way more damage than anyone else can. These self pity, self esteem killing moments occur again and again.
What to do : Well, first of all shake yourself, shut up your mind, gather all the courage and with all the courage confidence you can muster, just say I understand I will try again but lets not talk in this tone again. If I am not getting it, please help me out. If you think this is the way you can push me, its really not. You are just pushing me away in a negative direction. It will make matters worse. So calm down, you are hurting yourself too. Just take a breather here, time relation is more important than this. Whatever will not matter in a day or year is not worth pining on. Don't raise your tone, don't shout. Be mature.
To angry husbands
Do you feel like she is a fool for not getting simple things? Do you feel like she purposely does all this to annoy you? If she could just apologise properly and not repeat mistake, it will be good. Well, in some way we are all trying to manipulate people and situations to suit our mood requirements. So you are expecting someone to show a nature trait that is not theirs. Do you think you can train her or push her by not talking to her for some time? Do you think you are helping yourself by elongating anger clockout time? More angrier, more she is getting the point right.
Nah, its not actually happening at all. She is just waiting for this to be over and avoid this situation altogether. Next time she will not be around. She will avoid this at all costs. She might not raise her voice but inside all the negative vibes are coming to you as angry vibes are going to her. Its a victim role people get into when they are threatened. Again, some part of brain goes in survival mode, gives up, retreats, shuts off, gets nervous with every passing moment. So yeah, instead just be calm, breathe think over , did she do it knowingly? Did she do it on purpose? Even if she has repeated, is it worth creating turmoil in your body, mind? Its not right, anger changes us, every time we cross a limit threshold, we go further next time, more brutal next time. So actually, you just became insensitive to the person you love most, you harmed your body and relationship, most of all you trained your mind in the worst way. Resistance increases from both sides of hurting and getting hurt. Hours to days to months people don't talk to each other for silly egos. Just talk to her, ask her to try with love.
Sanity insanity is not what we think of it. Insanity is not extreme behavior, these little moments of losing control also make us insane. Let us program ourselves the right way. Change is hard but its necessary for life and happiness.
Take responsibility. Blame no one. Stop justifications. The statement " I am right, they are wrong " will never allow you to change for better. Don't endorse wrong behavior," I am right" forces our wrong habits, makes them stronger. Its impedes your psychological development. Justifying is our biggest enemy. Even 5 minutes of toxic thought is not right.
To sulking wives,
Do you feel like his anger is unjustified? Is it like if he just comes and talks, it will be all over. But if you go , he might snap again and push you off. Its like a prisoner situation where you yourself are the jailor, no one else has created the walls, its our mind that makes us think all of it. No matter how hard we try to break out, it makes us sink deeper. Every time this happens, sinking well grows deeper, it becomes more difficult to get out this self created pathetic situation. Even if it goes on for 15 minutes, the kind of poison that is generated per second is causing way more damage than anyone else can. These self pity, self esteem killing moments occur again and again.
What to do : Well, first of all shake yourself, shut up your mind, gather all the courage and with all the courage confidence you can muster, just say I understand I will try again but lets not talk in this tone again. If I am not getting it, please help me out. If you think this is the way you can push me, its really not. You are just pushing me away in a negative direction. It will make matters worse. So calm down, you are hurting yourself too. Just take a breather here, time relation is more important than this. Whatever will not matter in a day or year is not worth pining on. Don't raise your tone, don't shout. Be mature.
To angry husbands
Do you feel like she is a fool for not getting simple things? Do you feel like she purposely does all this to annoy you? If she could just apologise properly and not repeat mistake, it will be good. Well, in some way we are all trying to manipulate people and situations to suit our mood requirements. So you are expecting someone to show a nature trait that is not theirs. Do you think you can train her or push her by not talking to her for some time? Do you think you are helping yourself by elongating anger clockout time? More angrier, more she is getting the point right.
Nah, its not actually happening at all. She is just waiting for this to be over and avoid this situation altogether. Next time she will not be around. She will avoid this at all costs. She might not raise her voice but inside all the negative vibes are coming to you as angry vibes are going to her. Its a victim role people get into when they are threatened. Again, some part of brain goes in survival mode, gives up, retreats, shuts off, gets nervous with every passing moment. So yeah, instead just be calm, breathe think over , did she do it knowingly? Did she do it on purpose? Even if she has repeated, is it worth creating turmoil in your body, mind? Its not right, anger changes us, every time we cross a limit threshold, we go further next time, more brutal next time. So actually, you just became insensitive to the person you love most, you harmed your body and relationship, most of all you trained your mind in the worst way. Resistance increases from both sides of hurting and getting hurt. Hours to days to months people don't talk to each other for silly egos. Just talk to her, ask her to try with love.
Sanity insanity is not what we think of it. Insanity is not extreme behavior, these little moments of losing control also make us insane. Let us program ourselves the right way. Change is hard but its necessary for life and happiness.
Take responsibility. Blame no one. Stop justifications. The statement " I am right, they are wrong " will never allow you to change for better. Don't endorse wrong behavior," I am right" forces our wrong habits, makes them stronger. Its impedes your psychological development. Justifying is our biggest enemy. Even 5 minutes of toxic thought is not right.
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