Heaven trip :) We thought we were dead literally

When you move without expectations, life rewards you in ways you can't imagine. This trip was full of so much lessons and experiences, not writing it down would make my mind explode and babble all over instagram on pics that don't even summarize it.

Last month we went on a trip to portland. It was amazing, gardens nature stole our hearts. Probably the first of those american experiences, like real americans we saw on tv not the city americans we see now for real when we moved. Everyone smiles, acknowledges you, they all have their own personality, of course portland is portland, tattoos dream of 90s is alive in portland. Thai bloom and dwarka restaurants were literally the bestest.

 Last 11 months have been kind of troublesome for my husband, he's been having health issues that no doctor could diagnose.

When someone falls sick around you ,there are so many stages, first I waited it out patiently, then patience wore off I started resenting avoiding him, then later on came the acceptance to let it play out. There were moments we were so frustrated, it looked unfair like why did we even get into spirituality, now we know we are not body mind but in experience we barely touch it, the ongoing struggle becomes vicious, then ultimately the lesson comes don't react to it, let it flow. Aaaah this paragraph took one year to sink into. Still when ego is at highest, everything falls apart. My back hasn't stopped hurting for one year too. We just accepted, made best of situations, did what we needed to do. In all this chaos, somehow peace stayed.

Now about the heavenly trip I lured you into. We booked the bnb near olympic national park thinking not much of it. It looked cool, we were the first ones to rent it so there were no reviews or comparisons. Pure fresh experience. As we found it, we gasped, its a beach with snow capped mountains surrounding it. Walking around there was like a constant wind bath, wind bath energises your body, its like a warm wind and cold wind from different sides, it heals body. When the wind is too much, just stand in it for 15 minutes and you will be refreshed. This wind was there all the time. Hike to beach was through the most fertile fields. Birds played all the time, there was an eagle's nest. It was so fascinating to observe nature immersed in it like you are in it living it.

Our cabin is set right there in the wilderness. Another american experience hits us, this is the real america, of course we had amazing pancakes to back this story. Mere simplicity and tranquility on people's faces is evidence. Its an untouched city. This is the life we should we living in an ideal world. In a place like this, you are always meditative. In a place where nature thrives, human spirit soul is free. In this city, every human is acknowledged and blooming to full.

Meditated, danced on beach, ran through fields, aligned our bodies with wind water energy, yeah and honestly this part would have been enough. But then god said, I am not done. What more did you say last time, hmm let me throw in some dogs for you to play with. We played and played, ultimately understood what dogs teach. Its not the unconditional love, its the fact they are so in the moment , they are just happy and full of excitement, at the same time they know when its time to move on. They don't want to repeat the same experience with the same person or hold on to us. They are free, they know they are happy no matter what. A dog doesn't depend on you, its for you to learn the ultimate connection that you can have with all the souls on this planet. Its just a minute trailer to the wholesome existence. Imagine the kindness of creation. Moment you stop asking for more to consume or possess, you are free and full of love.

Okk and we were like cool, went to a few tourist spots. Have you ever noticed we never take a pause in hikes. Its all for destination, the journey is the life part, destination is nothing, even if you don't make it to destination, the journey was full of life right. Destination is nothing but a setting by egoic mind to keep you away from life, to keep you away from your being. You don't care where you land, you just live life. Plan, travel knowing there is no entangling or disappointments. Try not to talk through hikes or life in general, try not to move on to next as soon as possible. Just stay in moment.  Accept life, celebrate life every moment, give your best, move on, be a nomad every moment. Pain of body, mind tried to get to us sometimes but the moment we realized we can shrug it off like some illusion, it didn't matter.

Last day, we decided okk lets stay one more evening. We couldn't get enough of the bird watching, sunsets, full moon, beach walks. We meet this another old  couple and we discover a river just there, chirping birds flowing glacier river, another present to be in present. Of course, old couple has dogs, I played with them, fetch tug of war aaah just let myself loose. There is so much to learn from every human. They were really cool. And we went, we are dying tomorrow, this was all we wished for, within 3 days we have done it all, yeah we are dying, full moon, stars, sunsets goodbye see you in next birth.

Our lessons, yeah flow with life. No whys No conclusions, no past, no future, just life.

In one video, adyashanti said creation takes us on vacations to remind us of our true purpose and brings us back to our homes to tell us this is where you have to bring it. When you are on vacation, don't run don't chase just sit down and let creation speak to you. Its a real pleasant song we are all dancing to, its out there.

Thanks
NAMASTE

Meditation and acting: Totally related

Every single time I told my dad, why do they expect me to be acting a certain way or act or dress their way, he would say just act, be happy inside in every situation just play the role and get out, no gain no loss. You make people happy by not losing yourself over the concept of your self created identity that is resisting change. Best part you weren't even trying to do it for them. You come out of it untouched and happier.

I didn't like going or meeting people, then we started meditation, of course you love accept people, initially honestly I could go days loving but moment they triggered my emotions, I was out of control. Its like someone had the leash on me, they could just press switch and make me woof emotionally, physically. That struggle to be on path and yet not so sane enough to have the faith, followed by guilt of failing myself. Its a solid kick to heart, shakes you up.

I heard so many enlightened beings, the underline of most of the conversations would be just act, this is a theater we call life, you are an actor, in every scene you change your script, emotions, body language according to people around. We all do it unconsciously, why not observe and consciously be happy and more giving.  When you can't cope with a situation, you kind of freak out which is also an acting, now you are touched by fake drama, its like a tv serial actor complains how much she has to work for her mother-in-law when in fact she's not even married for real. Now I could avoid all people places situations but there's still going to be at least 1 person who I will communicate with. My husband, my mom, my dog anyone can be the trigger. Can I stop being triggered?

Just be an actor like a day's job, go perform, come back untouched. I tried, I would go and meet people, play a role happily all the while observing different personalities. When you are out of yourself, you see so much more in people. Their insecurities, their fears, their strengths, their traits that they think define them. Everything is out there. Then you understand a lot.You stop judging, its a zoo out there with so many species of humans. And best of all, those inner voices that tell your current status like a popping icon vanish. You are there just experiencing silence inside life outside. Its like I walk in somewhere, instantly the observer is out, I notice when I lose my calm, around who and why. Best part, we are not pretending, we are genuinely happy. No more ego boosting.

Does observing become straining? Any new practice will be. Its new, we don't know how much effort to put in. In a month, you become really calm, you can see yourself as a third person observing the same scene  you are yourself in, it is like you are flowing with nature blessing everyone around  and now you can act even better because there is no vested interest or desire. This all happens effortlessly in 2 months. Even at times you are suffering, you know learn and improvise.

Does radar go off? Yes a lot of times, in the starting it would really bug me but then that is also a part of process. It will go off on off on off on. Sometimes its off for days, I walk around empty thinking nothing just looking observing but no matter how much I try, I can't act. Its like white silence that you actually listen to. When it goes off, just observe, this shall pass too. You are the sky, thoughts are clouds that come and go.

Last time when I went to wedding, I wasn't ready. Even though I was meditating, I wasn't powerful enough to not let things touch me. This time it worked like a charm. Wherever god put me, I did what was needed. Now worries, sadness are clearly indicators and you can be prepared before you fall in their pit. Another pit is when I get over excited, happy I lose the control and flow with my thoughts. There is nothing wrong in being joyful or sad. Just the moment its over, it should be done with. No more reliving the old times rush or avoiding the difficult thing.

All is same for an actor, drama romance tragedy all is same. Maintain the state of samta or parity, keep love peace purity as basis. You don't have to do anything, just observe meditate and don't fall into the traps of self analysis, guilt.

I love you all,
Life is what it is, accept or not.
When you are shooting a family movie, why is it you are all smiles making it as perfect as possible because its on record well news is everything is on record so smile love accept all time and life will be like a breeze.

You are doing it for you. Nobody gets more benefits than you.

Be equanimous. Happiness, sadness are all same for you, the actor in drama who's very silent and still inside.

Thanks,
NAMASTE

Meditation phase: Too rushed to get there

Honeymoon phase is over in meditation for me now. In beginning, it was like someone showed a door of happiness that felt like nothing I had ever felt. No experience with drugs or alcohol or food compared to this. Just as advertised. It was perfect. I didn't need anything anyone to be happy. All I did was shambhavi twice a day. A lot of wisdom strikes theoretically. It was so pumping we made a lot of changes in diet and lifestyle.

Last time when we went home in may, even though we had been meditating, we didn't come back untouched from all the chaos that surrounded us. It stayed in conversations for months, all the soul corrupting stuff we keep talking about in loops. Shambhavi practice with mooji sadhguru bk shivani are carving my life. This time the change was so so out there, every person I met every situation I was in was purely energy of freedom and joy. I connected with all, met everyone like it was first time, heard them and in turn got so much love.Best thing, saw people in their own drama. Every time we see people, we look at their drama from our drama's perspective. If we just look at them from observer mode, it makes you so much more aware of their life. There is no need to judge or criticise others or yourself. Past is past.  I came back untouched this time. All I did was not do the act of self preservation. Well, vipasanna definitely helped, it calmed me down and gave me so many answers I was looking for. A lot of work has to be done. This is just .000001 %.

One mistake that we have been doing is we are trying to rush this process. In turn, we are losing ease in life, gaining anxiety. Unless I am at ease, there is no way meditation can progress. We left a lot of activities that made us happy, in process we created a negativity towards them which is again wrong. The whole point of living this life is to be relaxed and still focussed. Experiences sensations of consciouness happen for those who are receptive not for people who are restrained. Walking around like a gun to head is the worst. Don't drink, don't eat this, don't talk like this. Working against body, mind can't be good in long run. It took 30 years for this conditioning, how did we expect to be free in 2 years. Lets take it slow. If I could take it faster, definitely I would but right now this is the only sensible thing to do. Stay true to practice. Don't get so attached to your practice, it creates ill feeling for people or situations that come in between. Get that balance. Do meditation, get rid of compulsions. Walk at your own pace, you will arrive. Hehe just don't walk too slow.


Hope god helps me.

Thanks

NAMASTE

My vipasanna experience: All questions answered :)

Vipassana came rushing in my life. No matter how much I tried to avoid it, someone somewhere wanted me to do it. I had so many questions, what about my diet what about my yoga, is it required. Honestly, the only motivation was I didn't want to live 10 days straight with my parents or in laws. My center was in bhopal, india.

And I am so glad and thankful it all pushed me in there. The silence really helps. First three days are kind of confusing for most of the new meditators. You are not sure why you got into this. But every day at the end, there is a 1.5 hour dharma lecture by goenka and thats what you live for. By fourth day, everyone around me was set on completing the resolution. There were people of all ages, from 18 to 70 and they all were there till the end. No one broke the vow of silence. It was inspirational. 

What is the routine? 

You wake up at 4.00. Then just follow the whole schedule till 9 in night. If you are not an early riser, one or two days will blend you into their routine. Do get up for early morning meditations, they are the best. 

What if I have a problem?
Well, there are dhamma volunteers and a teacher assigned who you can talk about anything. There is an allotted time slot to visit them. You are not alone.

What do you pack?
Pack loose pants, full or half kurtis or tops with some palazzo pants or capris. If you are in india, most women will be in sarees,kurtis. Wear comfortable clothes that cover you fully. If its summer, pack light but no see through clothes. If its winter, pack thermals winter cap socks. Do carry a shawl, it helps a lot. Carry comfortable shoes like those cushiony slip ons that are not noisy. Yes, take everything in their list. If you forget, they will try to get it for you. There is laundry service too. If its winter, pack some coconut or sesame oil.

Do you need experience in meditation?
No. Its a beginning. Its for everyone, beginner advanced meditators. There is something for everyone.


What about my back?

Most of the people complained about achy backs and necks. I got one too. So if you meditate daily, check the cushion on which you sit, adjust it according to your needs. I didn't need a cushion at all which could be your case too. For most of the people, back hurt for at least 3 days then it stopped. Its gonna hurt though. It is because we are not used to sitting that long. But its all for the greater good and its all impermanent. 

What about the food?

All those stories about you not getting enough food inside are wrong. In fact, I ate almost double of what I eat daily. Its like a buffet of healthy food. Its without onion, garlic. If you want it without chilli, they will do it. You will not miss evening meals. Food is really tasty. Now again, you are sitting all day in meditation, a few pointers might help. First of all, eat only till you are 3/4 full. Walk, walk walk to move food and avoid gas. Don't drink tea in general if you are not a tea drinker. Avoid evening tea. Drink water, loads of it. If your stomach grumbles within 3 hours of meal, well you are healthy but it might make you a little conscious, so some fruits or snacks from home will not hurt. They are pretty strict about no snacks but if it really interferes with meditation, you may have some. It would have helped if I took some for me. If gas really bothers you, you can always take a break. Yeah, don't go for too much sugar. Prefer jaggery, daliya for breakfast. Don't eat too much rice, it makes you sleepy. Avoid potato, chickpea in general gas inducing food.Warm milk is gassy too. Go for simpler options. Just because there is loads of food doesn't mean you gotta eat.

How many breaks do you get?

There are so many breaks and so many options of doing meditation in room. After lunch, I literally saw women sunbathing oiling hair washing clothes walking. Yes, you will never get this much time outside. Its the most peaceful you will ever feel. 

Does silence help?

It helps a plenty. Serious meditation can only be done when you don't have an intake or outlet of words or thoughts. It only happens when you concentrate on yourself truly. It gives you a chance to look inward with no distractions. After third day, nothing from outside touches you. Don't talk unless you really need to. Even last day, when they let you talk, use words wisely. When you talk too much, you are mostly not conscious of what you are losing in process. Just be grateful, they were around to keep you on your path. We all walk alone, no one can really help us. 

Will my yoga and other practices suffer?

It was my number one concern. I love yoga, I have to do my shambhavi mudra. Yoga helped with the back and neck. Every day around 10.30 4.30 there was time for me to do some bikram power yoga. Don't do it outside, do it in room. If you are really lost in meditation, you can skip some days. After all, you are there to meditate. But they are not against yoga or breathing exercises. They just want you to learn fully what you came for. 

Does going with a partner help?

Hmm my husband completed too. Every day, I checked if he was around. From first day, I knew I would finish 10 days. I would see him setting his cushion cutely. Made me happy he was doing good. Would I have left if he did? Nope, it was for me not for anyone else. He saw me sitting straight, helped him too. There was support but we knew we would finish with or without. It doesn't matter if you are alone or with partner. Its your journey. 

Roommate or not?

I really loved living alone. It would be more difficult to maintain silence if you stay with someone else in room. Some girls didn't like being alone so they opted to have a roomie. Depends on your preference. It was something I needed, to be on my own for 10 days. Helped me a lot with my internal work.

Will it be super quiet?
 Depends where you are practising. If its india, there will be body sounds of all sorts. I had to change my seat because guy next to me kept burping smells sounds. It depends on your location. There could be construction noise, weddings going around. Thats a bet you take. 

So what really is vipassana?

Its a way of meditation, how you focus and feel your body's energy. I added it after my shambhavi mudra. More than that, there is a way of life taught in those 10 days. Answers to all my problems were in goenka's lectures at the end of night. Even if you are the happiest sorted person on earth, you need this. Its not a cult or religion.

Will I do it again?
Hmmm thats a tough one. I am not sure, I would love to. My stomach bothered me a lot, it took time for me to decide what to eat how much to eat and despite all that sometimes it just wasn't comfortable . So although I loved the experience, my stomach was a distraction. I felt the inability to decide when to sit in meditation according to body sometimes made me really angry. But again, thats my health status and genes. Still, I will try, there is no better conditioning than being inside there. 

Rules apply for every ashram that I will visit, I will only speak if needed. I will meditate more, eat less and just focus on my spiritual journey.

Expect nothing, follow the rules like they are yours. Yes, some days will be tough like hell, your mind will throw a battle to uproot you from this. Just wait for the lecture. Take it moment by moment, day by day, don't see what you have left behind, don't see what you could have done elsewhere, stay present there and give it your best shot. All the pains, sufferings stem from inside us, learn this to handle your machine better.

Its quiet, peaceful, green, all the perfect conditions to evolve. 

Go for it, it will change the way you think live die. 

Thanks,

NAMASTE