Don't take marriage too seriously, seriously don't

We take marriage very seriously. Like way too seriously. All of us see it like a cultural traditional way of binding two souls together that were just made for each other. Some of us might not admit we do but when it comes to working out with difficult partners, people go to extreme extents to just live with this person you absolutely loath. This post is not just for girls because we know ignorance and evil comes in all shape and sizes.

Lets remove all the concepts of marriage our parents, our movies, our friends build in our minds. See it from a third person alien view. Hmm I am the alien, why do humans get married? Okay, so maybe they need company, they need someone to correct them, guide them to right path, support emotionally. In a way, to just be in harmony with a roommate who you can have kids with. 

Now we decided it wasn't enough for two people to find harmony, we included a bunch of other people, money, food, education, job blah blah. It was like we converted a class test to an IIT level exam without any increased benefits.

So first of all, remove all these unwanted accessories of marriage, hopes dreams, celebrations karwachowth blah one day I will be married to this wonderful person, make an amazing family of beautiful kids and loving in-laws. Ctrl alt del right now. 

From the scratch, if you are married and having problems of any sort, anything that ruins your peace, try to sort it out as peacefully as possible. Sit, communicate. If they are bothering you for dowry, leave them right now. Someone who puts you over money, some person who would let his parents do this to you is not worth it. This goes for guys too, girls can be pretty vicious influence too, its just a personality not gender.

I know these kind of words "not worth it" sound bookish but trust me as a  person you are so unique you should celebrate yourself. Never ever think of ending your life for a minor thing called marriage. Its not your life, its just a part of your life like we eat, drink, make friend. Like body take just the good things that are nourishing for your body, soul and all the impurities you just flush. If people start acting like impurities creating poison in our thoughts, just flush them. 

 Don't be mean in pursuit of this. Ohh I am so damn important, don't over estimate yourself. Just be you. Marriage is to have fun but who says you can't have fun all by yourself. Sex is important but with tinder almost all have access to it. Sex might be less needed with age, who knows.  If you really want kids, there are adoption agencies all over. Ohh but how will i manage kids without partner. Is it easier with a partner who will not help you at all? Isn't it better to just fly solo? Think about it, you have a bullock cart, you are the bull. Yes, it will be damn easier if another bull came and took some load off. What if that bull rides the bullock cart along with bull parents. This goes for both sexes.

You are in troubled marriage. How do you get out of it? First of all, make it as short as possible. Just sign papers, tell them you want to be as quick as possible with the divorce. You can always earn money back, but time that you waste in fighting for the lost marriage time will never be useful. Life is so important, we can't waste it in courts, lawyers and above all people you really hate. 

If other party is not willing and they demand money, if it is in your power give them money and get rid of this. See, its not just the end of this case, you need more years to probably get rid of hate, anger, feelings of loneliness. To build a life again, you need time. Don't waste it going around with someone stubborn. When you fight a stubborn, you just lose time. 

I have never worked a day in my life. I hate the idea of job. And most of the people these days have jobs. So if you are like me and thinking, ohh what will I do  without money. You don't need a lot of money to survive in a small town, if you want to be in a city, you can always start with bpo jobs that are for all languages. Its better to take a leap into the unknown world than suffer in the known one.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. From my experience, it tests you changes you into a better peaceful person. If it is not doing that for you or you feel like there are more struggles than rewards, stop it. No one should have that kind of power where they can destroy your life without even feeling a thing. Sometimes even other person wouldn't know why you are suffering. You can't blame them. Everyone is raised different. If you have kids, even better, start a new life fast so your kids don't see fights, arguments or turn into bitter over protective entities. Save their childhood. If your in-laws are evil, stay away from them, save your life.

My cousin got married into a family. They demanded dowry all the time. Everyone thought it was normal. When demands increased, she stopped telling her family. Greed ruled their minds so much, all of them whole family consumed by greed tied her suffocated her and threw her in well and claimed it was a suicide. So just stay away from evil people. There is no amount of love or reconciliation that can appeal to a greedy evil soul. Be safe. A loved one gone is gone forever. Don't force your kids to stay in marriages if they don't want to. Love them like a true parent.

 A good happy marriage can turn into an unpleasant one too, we are all changing evolving constantly. Understand and move on when the time comes. Nothing is permanent. If we try to hold on to loving moments, they vanish too and rust off leaving just bitter memories to live by. 

Be free. Be strong. Be mature. Let go . Everyone is complete in themselves. Marriage is just a variable, either it exists or not.

Life exists and blossoms without any variables, its constant. Love yourself.

Thanks,

NAMASTE

My India Trip part 6: Saying goodbyes

Saying goodbyes was going to be pretty easy this time. If you ever go to a a wedding, stay next day and don't tell anyone. Rest full day, start in the night. I repeat never start trip just after pulling a full nighter in the wedding and even if you start, don't eat wedding food packed for guests if you have a sensitive stomach. 

There is this tradition, bidaai where everyone gives bride all the good wishes and cries. Hehe we kind of left around that, so we got bidaai. I think people respect and love my father-in-law a lot. Both of them have helped people in all the ways they could. Their karmic account chart is way higher on gains. Because of my father-in-law, we get love too. And my husband I guess. I am not that good. 

So a lot of nice relatives came, bride came, how do you respond when others cry? My throat gets choked up, my face changes and all I want to do is wail louder and louder. So to avoid the situation where you are not supposed to cry being a little distant relative, weird me starts cracking silly jokes. Real silly. In my mind, the constant thought was you get to be in thailand, party yay. Hehe all the troubles are rewarding you. Thats how you condition not to be attention seeker. If only I knew how to express naturally smiling not being guilty or ashamed of crying.

We run to hotel, I meet my parents one last time, we have trains to catch so we all run to station. Final 20 minutes before their train comes, this time I am not sad and I always cried on inside or outside. Its kind of like you have spaced yourself from that emotion. My mother tells me do better yoga, focus on being spiritual, my dad does the same some train talk and tells me to be happy, peaceful and we are sorted. We laugh over the whole trip ordeal and they are on the train. It was cool.

Somehow its never that sorted with my in-laws. I don't know, have you ever gone to see girl for some relative. You instantly know who's the most important VIP person here, the would be bridegroom then his parents come then you come. Hehe that is what a daughter-in-law is. Tertiary citizen. First comes father-in-law then your husband and siblings, then you come. Its natural. My mom would do the same. If there was a rule, you have to throw one family member down right this instant or you all die, hehe lets throw her ;) Run people, I don't know that family. 

More on thailand on my  next post. 

Thanks

My India trip Part 5 : Wedding fun ;)

Indian weddings can cheer anyone up. They are the epitome of community relations. Its like a buffet of people you get to choose from, you can hang out with anyone, you can even spend just 5 perfect conversation minutes with a lot and move on with your life. Loads of activities to pick on, loads of food choices for the foodies, for shoppers this is a fest, for organizers this is the event, for kids well their whole life every moment is fun.

The best part of wedding has to be all the bollywood dancing I get to do. Okay, no one is raised to be a dancer unless you are trained or really enthusiastic about it. So when someone is trying to pull you to dance floor, just loosen up and throw those wild moves you do when no one is watching. Honestly, the only people who see you dancing are the ones who didn't have guts to join the dance so who cares what they think. Hehe I got a little mean there but start with that till you enjoy the liberating feeling of funky moves.

So yeah dancing is super fun, it helps with bonding, avoiding unwanted work like patrolling that room full of locker jewelry and scientifically it creates some kind of happiness hormone in you. There is something about a song in your language that just triggers legs, shoulders to follow rhythm.

Then of course if you are in a good wedding, food is the ultimate killer. All those different stalls of all your favorite cuisines in one makes me hungry. My sister's wedding had awesome caterers from haryana. These people know how to eat. It was like you stay fit for this kind of stuff.

Next one for me was you escape boredom. Imagine spending a week with just 2 couples who are literally so old they are your parents still fighting over your custody. After 2 days, all the love in the world fades and you realize gosh these people are ancient, all they do is work or make you do work. Aaah wedding helped me escape these corridors of still silent nothings. Fun people, conversations, kids, new rituals are way better than that hellhole of retirement living or worse meeting their friends.

Hmm other reason is you get to observe people, their characters, stories, what made them this way. Why this aunt is so confused or why this kid is so grown up? If you want to study human psychology, start with an indian wedding.

Photos photos photos, this is the only event where you take like a zillion pics. If you forget, there are other people or professionals taking care of it. Who cares what bride wears, like literally no one does. Everyone just knows they have to look good.

Last one for me was to build up my image. Over years, people don't really know you, they only guess what you are about. By just offering water, tea, snacks made by others or touching feet, you are suddenly in their wishes. Hehe its damn easy to please a crowd in wedding. Act smart, be conscious. You will win.

Things Brides to Be Shouldn't Do To their Parents

I got married like three years ago and now my sister is getting married. Hmmm as the date gets closer, she gets crankier. Its like she is always fighting with mum dad or just gossiping about her would be. Who am i to complain, i did the same. We were raised to be not so loyal i guess. When i see her treating them like this, I feel even more guilty for what i did to my parents in my wedding. So I am just gonna write down what we all do unintentionally in our bridal mode. Hope it helps in understanding parents' and relatives' perspective on your wedding.

1) He is right , you daddy are wrong : Ohh this is a classic thing. I did it, I know we are all in love and we think there is no better couple. But trust me this is just a phase. Every couple is unique. Yes you both a are a team, but this time your parents need you. They want you in their team, not this guy's team. Your dad is already hating the fact how u r putting this guy over him. So no matter what happens, daddy is right unless of course he is trying to exercise honor killing. By the way 80% of guys would let their parents do whatever they want to do in wedding.

2) No work, just advice : Yeah my sister does this and its so ruthless. She is in a far off city doing her job and then she has opinions on every minute thing my dad does. Like for a wedding card design, she texts him like 1000 times to make changes but when she can go to shop and get it fixed in an hour, she won't go. Its like my dad has a new boss who does nothing but cry over stupid things no one notices. Trust me, i havent seen my wedding card in years, people read it for date and throw it away or use it to pick dog's poop. So dont be so melodramatic over not so important things.

3) Everyone join for shopping : Well, first of all decide what you want , u want a lehenga or a saree. You want it made or you want to rent it. Then go for shopping. Its tough for people living in different cities to just come over for your saree shopping which by the way you might keep in a suitcase and put that suitcase in a upstairs loft. So yeah don't give people crappy guilt, its ur day, shop with your own money. Decide your own jewellery. Better look in your city, go window shopping for months and then you will have an accurate idea of what you want. No one knows what you want more than yourself.

4) Do something my poor bf can't : This is what she does, ohh i don't want to do engagement, call up his parents and cancel. I don't want to get married like this, call them up and tell them. I don't want this wedding venue, call them up and inform. Well hello your would be love forever is right there, tell him first. If he can't fix it, no one else can. I mean unless your parents are like super rich and your in laws listen to them. Other than that, every guy's family has been planning this day forever so yeah don't bother your parents with whats going to happen. Let them go with flow. Dont fight too much, it takes away your innocence.

5) Why do you want to spend so much : Oh you don't have to give them car, you don't have to buy jewellery, you don't have to choose this wedding place, you don't have to buy gifts. Darling, you chose to get married to a guy whose parents specifically mentioned all this. Fine, we will change if the guy comes along and says. Other than that, if we have the money, we will do all this. Hopefully wedding ends asap so we can sleep comfortably after months of nothing.The thing is if your guy isn't raising a voice, no parent in his right mind would go and say i am poor i wouldnt do all this. Its their respect at stake. Dont take it out on your parents. They are not over doing it.

6) Dont call relatives : Yeah and be alone when 500 people from guy's side turn up and there's no one to welcome them at door. We need relatives for strength not for your amusement. So that department, that whole side is not for you to even speak of. Be with us, dont oppose everything we say. Its quite hurtful.

7) Dont  tell him everything :   Lastly, every thing that we talk about, every fight that we have. Please don't discuss it with your boyfriend. I hate it when my sister disrespects my father or makes fun of my mother and says its all cool. I used to do it but then i realised  husbands respects their parents way more than wives will ever respect their own. So for the sake of your mum dad give them the love and respect they deserve, Dont tell him what your dad says to mom or how you all fight on petty wedding things. Its a family secret. Yeah he is extended family for us.

All i can say is girls gotta understand their dads need them during wedding time. Help them with money, plans, wedding discussions. Dont shout at them. I know you are stressed too. But don't take it out on people who love you the most unconditionally. Husband's love is kinda conditional u will see.

Ohhh my husband loves me just in case u r concluding he doesn't. Its just that I know how relationships work and dont want you all to make wrong moves. Husbands are the best, but ultimately they also belong to a family like you do. No mater what, they will always protect their mom dad and cousins. You do the same. Dont joke about your parents relatives sibling in front of him, he might pick on it and when he uses it in a argument or joke, it will hurt.

So enjoy your wedding, plan it properly, do shopping from where you live, if you have a disagreement talk to they guy. Dont fight a lot, this is all just going to go away in months. Wedding photos are over rated. Its all good if no one fought and everyone enjoyed it as a team.