Heaven trip :) We thought we were dead literally

When you move without expectations, life rewards you in ways you can't imagine. This trip was full of so much lessons and experiences, not writing it down would make my mind explode and babble all over instagram on pics that don't even summarize it.

Last month we went on a trip to portland. It was amazing, gardens nature stole our hearts. Probably the first of those american experiences, like real americans we saw on tv not the city americans we see now for real when we moved. Everyone smiles, acknowledges you, they all have their own personality, of course portland is portland, tattoos dream of 90s is alive in portland. Thai bloom and dwarka restaurants were literally the bestest.

 Last 11 months have been kind of troublesome for my husband, he's been having health issues that no doctor could diagnose.

When someone falls sick around you ,there are so many stages, first I waited it out patiently, then patience wore off I started resenting avoiding him, then later on came the acceptance to let it play out. There were moments we were so frustrated, it looked unfair like why did we even get into spirituality, now we know we are not body mind but in experience we barely touch it, the ongoing struggle becomes vicious, then ultimately the lesson comes don't react to it, let it flow. Aaaah this paragraph took one year to sink into. Still when ego is at highest, everything falls apart. My back hasn't stopped hurting for one year too. We just accepted, made best of situations, did what we needed to do. In all this chaos, somehow peace stayed.

Now about the heavenly trip I lured you into. We booked the bnb near olympic national park thinking not much of it. It looked cool, we were the first ones to rent it so there were no reviews or comparisons. Pure fresh experience. As we found it, we gasped, its a beach with snow capped mountains surrounding it. Walking around there was like a constant wind bath, wind bath energises your body, its like a warm wind and cold wind from different sides, it heals body. When the wind is too much, just stand in it for 15 minutes and you will be refreshed. This wind was there all the time. Hike to beach was through the most fertile fields. Birds played all the time, there was an eagle's nest. It was so fascinating to observe nature immersed in it like you are in it living it.

Our cabin is set right there in the wilderness. Another american experience hits us, this is the real america, of course we had amazing pancakes to back this story. Mere simplicity and tranquility on people's faces is evidence. Its an untouched city. This is the life we should we living in an ideal world. In a place like this, you are always meditative. In a place where nature thrives, human spirit soul is free. In this city, every human is acknowledged and blooming to full.

Meditated, danced on beach, ran through fields, aligned our bodies with wind water energy, yeah and honestly this part would have been enough. But then god said, I am not done. What more did you say last time, hmm let me throw in some dogs for you to play with. We played and played, ultimately understood what dogs teach. Its not the unconditional love, its the fact they are so in the moment , they are just happy and full of excitement, at the same time they know when its time to move on. They don't want to repeat the same experience with the same person or hold on to us. They are free, they know they are happy no matter what. A dog doesn't depend on you, its for you to learn the ultimate connection that you can have with all the souls on this planet. Its just a minute trailer to the wholesome existence. Imagine the kindness of creation. Moment you stop asking for more to consume or possess, you are free and full of love.

Okk and we were like cool, went to a few tourist spots. Have you ever noticed we never take a pause in hikes. Its all for destination, the journey is the life part, destination is nothing, even if you don't make it to destination, the journey was full of life right. Destination is nothing but a setting by egoic mind to keep you away from life, to keep you away from your being. You don't care where you land, you just live life. Plan, travel knowing there is no entangling or disappointments. Try not to talk through hikes or life in general, try not to move on to next as soon as possible. Just stay in moment.  Accept life, celebrate life every moment, give your best, move on, be a nomad every moment. Pain of body, mind tried to get to us sometimes but the moment we realized we can shrug it off like some illusion, it didn't matter.

Last day, we decided okk lets stay one more evening. We couldn't get enough of the bird watching, sunsets, full moon, beach walks. We meet this another old  couple and we discover a river just there, chirping birds flowing glacier river, another present to be in present. Of course, old couple has dogs, I played with them, fetch tug of war aaah just let myself loose. There is so much to learn from every human. They were really cool. And we went, we are dying tomorrow, this was all we wished for, within 3 days we have done it all, yeah we are dying, full moon, stars, sunsets goodbye see you in next birth.

Our lessons, yeah flow with life. No whys No conclusions, no past, no future, just life.

In one video, adyashanti said creation takes us on vacations to remind us of our true purpose and brings us back to our homes to tell us this is where you have to bring it. When you are on vacation, don't run don't chase just sit down and let creation speak to you. Its a real pleasant song we are all dancing to, its out there.

Thanks
NAMASTE

Meditation and acting: Totally related

Every single time I told my dad, why do they expect me to be acting a certain way or act or dress their way, he would say just act, be happy inside in every situation just play the role and get out, no gain no loss. You make people happy by not losing yourself over the concept of your self created identity that is resisting change. Best part you weren't even trying to do it for them. You come out of it untouched and happier.

I didn't like going or meeting people, then we started meditation, of course you love accept people, initially honestly I could go days loving but moment they triggered my emotions, I was out of control. Its like someone had the leash on me, they could just press switch and make me woof emotionally, physically. That struggle to be on path and yet not so sane enough to have the faith, followed by guilt of failing myself. Its a solid kick to heart, shakes you up.

I heard so many enlightened beings, the underline of most of the conversations would be just act, this is a theater we call life, you are an actor, in every scene you change your script, emotions, body language according to people around. We all do it unconsciously, why not observe and consciously be happy and more giving.  When you can't cope with a situation, you kind of freak out which is also an acting, now you are touched by fake drama, its like a tv serial actor complains how much she has to work for her mother-in-law when in fact she's not even married for real. Now I could avoid all people places situations but there's still going to be at least 1 person who I will communicate with. My husband, my mom, my dog anyone can be the trigger. Can I stop being triggered?

Just be an actor like a day's job, go perform, come back untouched. I tried, I would go and meet people, play a role happily all the while observing different personalities. When you are out of yourself, you see so much more in people. Their insecurities, their fears, their strengths, their traits that they think define them. Everything is out there. Then you understand a lot.You stop judging, its a zoo out there with so many species of humans. And best of all, those inner voices that tell your current status like a popping icon vanish. You are there just experiencing silence inside life outside. Its like I walk in somewhere, instantly the observer is out, I notice when I lose my calm, around who and why. Best part, we are not pretending, we are genuinely happy. No more ego boosting.

Does observing become straining? Any new practice will be. Its new, we don't know how much effort to put in. In a month, you become really calm, you can see yourself as a third person observing the same scene  you are yourself in, it is like you are flowing with nature blessing everyone around  and now you can act even better because there is no vested interest or desire. This all happens effortlessly in 2 months. Even at times you are suffering, you know learn and improvise.

Does radar go off? Yes a lot of times, in the starting it would really bug me but then that is also a part of process. It will go off on off on off on. Sometimes its off for days, I walk around empty thinking nothing just looking observing but no matter how much I try, I can't act. Its like white silence that you actually listen to. When it goes off, just observe, this shall pass too. You are the sky, thoughts are clouds that come and go.

Last time when I went to wedding, I wasn't ready. Even though I was meditating, I wasn't powerful enough to not let things touch me. This time it worked like a charm. Wherever god put me, I did what was needed. Now worries, sadness are clearly indicators and you can be prepared before you fall in their pit. Another pit is when I get over excited, happy I lose the control and flow with my thoughts. There is nothing wrong in being joyful or sad. Just the moment its over, it should be done with. No more reliving the old times rush or avoiding the difficult thing.

All is same for an actor, drama romance tragedy all is same. Maintain the state of samta or parity, keep love peace purity as basis. You don't have to do anything, just observe meditate and don't fall into the traps of self analysis, guilt.

I love you all,
Life is what it is, accept or not.
When you are shooting a family movie, why is it you are all smiles making it as perfect as possible because its on record well news is everything is on record so smile love accept all time and life will be like a breeze.

You are doing it for you. Nobody gets more benefits than you.

Be equanimous. Happiness, sadness are all same for you, the actor in drama who's very silent and still inside.

Thanks,
NAMASTE

Meditation phase: Too rushed to get there

Honeymoon phase is over in meditation for me now. In beginning, it was like someone showed a door of happiness that felt like nothing I had ever felt. No experience with drugs or alcohol or food compared to this. Just as advertised. It was perfect. I didn't need anything anyone to be happy. All I did was shambhavi twice a day. A lot of wisdom strikes theoretically. It was so pumping we made a lot of changes in diet and lifestyle.

Last time when we went home in may, even though we had been meditating, we didn't come back untouched from all the chaos that surrounded us. It stayed in conversations for months, all the soul corrupting stuff we keep talking about in loops. Shambhavi practice with mooji sadhguru bk shivani are carving my life. This time the change was so so out there, every person I met every situation I was in was purely energy of freedom and joy. I connected with all, met everyone like it was first time, heard them and in turn got so much love.Best thing, saw people in their own drama. Every time we see people, we look at their drama from our drama's perspective. If we just look at them from observer mode, it makes you so much more aware of their life. There is no need to judge or criticise others or yourself. Past is past.  I came back untouched this time. All I did was not do the act of self preservation. Well, vipasanna definitely helped, it calmed me down and gave me so many answers I was looking for. A lot of work has to be done. This is just .000001 %.

One mistake that we have been doing is we are trying to rush this process. In turn, we are losing ease in life, gaining anxiety. Unless I am at ease, there is no way meditation can progress. We left a lot of activities that made us happy, in process we created a negativity towards them which is again wrong. The whole point of living this life is to be relaxed and still focussed. Experiences sensations of consciouness happen for those who are receptive not for people who are restrained. Walking around like a gun to head is the worst. Don't drink, don't eat this, don't talk like this. Working against body, mind can't be good in long run. It took 30 years for this conditioning, how did we expect to be free in 2 years. Lets take it slow. If I could take it faster, definitely I would but right now this is the only sensible thing to do. Stay true to practice. Don't get so attached to your practice, it creates ill feeling for people or situations that come in between. Get that balance. Do meditation, get rid of compulsions. Walk at your own pace, you will arrive. Hehe just don't walk too slow.


Hope god helps me.

Thanks

NAMASTE

My vipasanna experience: All questions answered :)

Vipassana came rushing in my life. No matter how much I tried to avoid it, someone somewhere wanted me to do it. I had so many questions, what about my diet what about my yoga, is it required. Honestly, the only motivation was I didn't want to live 10 days straight with my parents or in laws. My center was in bhopal, india.

And I am so glad and thankful it all pushed me in there. The silence really helps. First three days are kind of confusing for most of the new meditators. You are not sure why you got into this. But every day at the end, there is a 1.5 hour dharma lecture by goenka and thats what you live for. By fourth day, everyone around me was set on completing the resolution. There were people of all ages, from 18 to 70 and they all were there till the end. No one broke the vow of silence. It was inspirational. 

What is the routine? 

You wake up at 4.00. Then just follow the whole schedule till 9 in night. If you are not an early riser, one or two days will blend you into their routine. Do get up for early morning meditations, they are the best. 

What if I have a problem?
Well, there are dhamma volunteers and a teacher assigned who you can talk about anything. There is an allotted time slot to visit them. You are not alone.

What do you pack?
Pack loose pants, full or half kurtis or tops with some palazzo pants or capris. If you are in india, most women will be in sarees,kurtis. Wear comfortable clothes that cover you fully. If its summer, pack light but no see through clothes. If its winter, pack thermals winter cap socks. Do carry a shawl, it helps a lot. Carry comfortable shoes like those cushiony slip ons that are not noisy. Yes, take everything in their list. If you forget, they will try to get it for you. There is laundry service too. If its winter, pack some coconut or sesame oil.

Do you need experience in meditation?
No. Its a beginning. Its for everyone, beginner advanced meditators. There is something for everyone.


What about my back?

Most of the people complained about achy backs and necks. I got one too. So if you meditate daily, check the cushion on which you sit, adjust it according to your needs. I didn't need a cushion at all which could be your case too. For most of the people, back hurt for at least 3 days then it stopped. Its gonna hurt though. It is because we are not used to sitting that long. But its all for the greater good and its all impermanent. 

What about the food?

All those stories about you not getting enough food inside are wrong. In fact, I ate almost double of what I eat daily. Its like a buffet of healthy food. Its without onion, garlic. If you want it without chilli, they will do it. You will not miss evening meals. Food is really tasty. Now again, you are sitting all day in meditation, a few pointers might help. First of all, eat only till you are 3/4 full. Walk, walk walk to move food and avoid gas. Don't drink tea in general if you are not a tea drinker. Avoid evening tea. Drink water, loads of it. If your stomach grumbles within 3 hours of meal, well you are healthy but it might make you a little conscious, so some fruits or snacks from home will not hurt. They are pretty strict about no snacks but if it really interferes with meditation, you may have some. It would have helped if I took some for me. If gas really bothers you, you can always take a break. Yeah, don't go for too much sugar. Prefer jaggery, daliya for breakfast. Don't eat too much rice, it makes you sleepy. Avoid potato, chickpea in general gas inducing food.Warm milk is gassy too. Go for simpler options. Just because there is loads of food doesn't mean you gotta eat.

How many breaks do you get?

There are so many breaks and so many options of doing meditation in room. After lunch, I literally saw women sunbathing oiling hair washing clothes walking. Yes, you will never get this much time outside. Its the most peaceful you will ever feel. 

Does silence help?

It helps a plenty. Serious meditation can only be done when you don't have an intake or outlet of words or thoughts. It only happens when you concentrate on yourself truly. It gives you a chance to look inward with no distractions. After third day, nothing from outside touches you. Don't talk unless you really need to. Even last day, when they let you talk, use words wisely. When you talk too much, you are mostly not conscious of what you are losing in process. Just be grateful, they were around to keep you on your path. We all walk alone, no one can really help us. 

Will my yoga and other practices suffer?

It was my number one concern. I love yoga, I have to do my shambhavi mudra. Yoga helped with the back and neck. Every day around 10.30 4.30 there was time for me to do some bikram power yoga. Don't do it outside, do it in room. If you are really lost in meditation, you can skip some days. After all, you are there to meditate. But they are not against yoga or breathing exercises. They just want you to learn fully what you came for. 

Does going with a partner help?

Hmm my husband completed too. Every day, I checked if he was around. From first day, I knew I would finish 10 days. I would see him setting his cushion cutely. Made me happy he was doing good. Would I have left if he did? Nope, it was for me not for anyone else. He saw me sitting straight, helped him too. There was support but we knew we would finish with or without. It doesn't matter if you are alone or with partner. Its your journey. 

Roommate or not?

I really loved living alone. It would be more difficult to maintain silence if you stay with someone else in room. Some girls didn't like being alone so they opted to have a roomie. Depends on your preference. It was something I needed, to be on my own for 10 days. Helped me a lot with my internal work.

Will it be super quiet?
 Depends where you are practising. If its india, there will be body sounds of all sorts. I had to change my seat because guy next to me kept burping smells sounds. It depends on your location. There could be construction noise, weddings going around. Thats a bet you take. 

So what really is vipassana?

Its a way of meditation, how you focus and feel your body's energy. I added it after my shambhavi mudra. More than that, there is a way of life taught in those 10 days. Answers to all my problems were in goenka's lectures at the end of night. Even if you are the happiest sorted person on earth, you need this. Its not a cult or religion.

Will I do it again?
Hmmm thats a tough one. I am not sure, I would love to. My stomach bothered me a lot, it took time for me to decide what to eat how much to eat and despite all that sometimes it just wasn't comfortable . So although I loved the experience, my stomach was a distraction. I felt the inability to decide when to sit in meditation according to body sometimes made me really angry. But again, thats my health status and genes. Still, I will try, there is no better conditioning than being inside there. 

Rules apply for every ashram that I will visit, I will only speak if needed. I will meditate more, eat less and just focus on my spiritual journey.

Expect nothing, follow the rules like they are yours. Yes, some days will be tough like hell, your mind will throw a battle to uproot you from this. Just wait for the lecture. Take it moment by moment, day by day, don't see what you have left behind, don't see what you could have done elsewhere, stay present there and give it your best shot. All the pains, sufferings stem from inside us, learn this to handle your machine better.

Its quiet, peaceful, green, all the perfect conditions to evolve. 

Go for it, it will change the way you think live die. 

Thanks,

NAMASTE

Meditation serious phase

There are so many phases of meditation especially when you are just starting off. 12 years and you will still be a beginner. It depends on so many things, karma parents situations home job blah blah. So many terms to make sense of, so many people to revisit with new set of spiritual rules. At the same time, we see so many videos but practical moments of applying them rarely come.

Be conscious always. Don't be entangled but play your role. Be on like krishna. Meditate a lot. Eat sattvic diet. Separate involvement from entanglement. Aah so many of them. When you get involved, you forget to be happy. When you get into playing a role, you are entangled with memories of past or future. When you want to eat right, you google to an extent it drives you crazy. We forgot the basis of all this, ease damn ease. First of all be at ease, maintain joy happiness then comes being an observer then not taking it any seriously. 

This is just a movie, a play we call life. I forget again and again, I suffer again and again, then I am reminded again. So instead of being in previous cycles, there is a new illusion cycle where I think I am working on myself with the whole notion of being on the right path, but actually again my mind has me trapped in a loop, the loop of self satisfying righteousness. 

So what has changed, not much. First I was conserving myself my luxuries, now I am trying to conserve peace happiness from people. Still, its the same reaction to the same situation. Selfishness still overrides. 

Hmm so meditation started to stabilize, after around 5 months of shambhavi, sometimes either you get too serious about it or too lazy. I was really happy and because meditation was the source, I started preserving that practice like my precious, any thing any person that came in way became my enemy. Don't disturb me, don't talk to me now , lets ignore this person, lets avoid the situation. In a way, I resisted life so much, it started getting duller boring. I lost my happiness. One day I woke up realizing what never happened in 8 years of my marriage had happened, we started acting like our parents. Yeah, that was the wake up call. You are lost again.

May be not take it too seriously. Have fun, be at ease. Do things you love. Take it lightly. Follow your practices every day but don't be bound to them. Loosen grip on life, don't tighten it. Meditation is for a lot of reincarnations, don't stake everything on it. Have a good diet. Keep healthy lifestyle. Don't stress too much. Let life flow. It takes time to change life long habits, body mind all of them. 

Seriousness also gives this satisfaction that you are working so hard. You have found your goal, lets not be bothered by these worldly distractions and run to finish line. Thats where we are wrong. These are all our learning curves designed by us. Finish your track completely joyfully meditatively. Meet every person with full love, consciousness. Do your best.

Mooji is pretty awesome. Listen to him.

Thanks

Too much stumbling I tell you

Hehe there is so much stumbling when you realize all your life it has been an unconscious ride giving in to all kinds of mental desires, ills. Does it become easier because you now know? Not really, life becomes a constant scrutiny of thoughts emotions actions. When you do something right, you instantly understand the simplicity of the act you could have done all your life. When you do something wrong, aaah its like a cactus prick, double guilt hits. First one is of course you slipped second one is all your life you were slipping so much it has become a familiar pit to fall into and crawl back from.


All my conversations used to flow earlier. Now they don't flow, there are lot of options, reactions in mind. Instant one is always the incorrect lifelong way of reaction. At the back of mind, there is a conflict if I should correct this person or not. Then if I do correct, it so happens I corrected a bit early and they didn't even need direction or they start defending themselves saying they didn't mean it that way. My to the day worst experience is with new meditators like me because we are all lost and stuck in different phases yet so confident sometimes what we say must be damn true. I know that feeling, I used to feel that arrogance so my mind catches it, tries to aggravate me which is another level of arrogance from my side. Hehe anyone heard of those infinite loops in C that take up all the space because you forgot to add a simple condition in mind, Don't look up to anyone, don't look down on anyone. They are just acting on their life's experiences.  Why would I get angry if I didn't give myself so much importance?   Again, its not how conversation should be. Its like how I would really want to express is not processed properly right now. So honestly, its failure.

Same goes with desires. The kind of desires that pop up are not even mine some days. Desire can take any form. Even a spiritual desire becomes overwhelming, it also becomes a  chase. What do you really want,  what do you really really deeply want? This introspection is so crucial and yet so unattainable at that moment. How can we be so clouded by our own thoughts and emotions? Sometimes a single obsession rules it day and day over. I know it all the way its nothing I would ever care for. Still after going through all the hell of confusing states, the realization comes. Struggles go on a routine basis, they tire me so much but halfway of this is just a depressing phase. Once you realize the intensity of goal, you know its just minor trifles. A kid cries over everything in a day to day life, within a minute they are over it. To them that is the worst moment but how they recover is the key to it. Letting go is the key here.

A meditator can be a worst critic of themselves and people around. They might be just beginning but seeing what they do wrong in life, what others are doing wrong. Now to me that is the biggest hurdle, mind starts with a positive note all the while judging them at the same time. Its not an intrinsic process I can't control. Its just I never controlled it so it will take time to practice. Accept people is not just a statement but how can I be involved in meaningless chatter. It means nothing to me right. Well, I guess do what is needed is the principle here. Do your duties, do what is needed in world from you, there is no overdoing it, no underdoing it. So essentially, your advice or your dilemma would not be understood by others because they have a different life. Emotions make us over do things. Self preservation leads to not performing duties in name of thousand reasons, best logical reason meditation. Make a balance, decide what is important to do, what you must do, what you need not do and then go about it.

The biggest of my problems is I am constantly thinking what is this person thinking of me. I don't know why there is this immense need to prove that yes I am good, yes I am happy, yes I am doing it right, yes I know, why does it matter how anyone sees me. It shouldn't its their process. Why am i concerned about what happens in their mind? Why do I want to manipulate it to something I would want them to think? In whatsapp chats, conversations, if we just state our truth to whosoever is on the other side, it would be so much easier. Why am I trying to customize people's experience with the same me. I am not saying brutal straightforward truths, just not pretending to be something there is no need to be. This whole pleasing or trying to fit in part is such a downer in so many ways. So essentially, every time this comes, I am going to put a stop to it. No more of this nonsense too. That doesn't mean you withdraw from society, you can still crack jokes, laugh, dance, appreciate people. Its not just one way we all communicate.

Next time, in any situation, this will be my plan

Remain calm, if you get that fast heart or scary thing going where you feel like lying or getting defensive, that being surrounded by predators feeling, take a breath, wait for a minute, then speak with the right state of intention.
There are no more old relationships, all relationships everyone I meet would be like I am meeting first time. Without any baggage or expectations, it would be the new me not some old version going on record again.
I will do what is needed, I will see every situation as something of my making and enjoy it to fullest.
I will not compromise my meditation and diet rules. I will plan in advance so i don't resent any person place . That is the path of life.
I will not preach or advise unless its really needed. Before speaking, I will follow principle, is this pleasant is this necessary will this in any way help? Mind might say, yes but it has to be deep deep time consuming decision.
I will not try to be someone or something that gives me identity or binds me to a certain mold. Shedding personality can only happen that way. What would a human do here, not a wife not a daughter not a sister just a sensible human?
No more yoga talks or showoffs or pics unless I am ready to accept compliments gratefully not inflate my ego.
When i feel too excited, first I will bring myself to stable state where my mind is not in control or my emotions are not in overdrive.
When i am sad or angry, i will not blame anyone. I will think about how I became a slave to the circumstances. Then reform myself from within to be blissful again.
I will state my truth without any hint of pride or preaching or aggravation. How hard can that can be? Just no salt pepper. Just the truth. No cross questioning, nothing.

Aaah there is so much to do but thankfully I got enough time too. Suffering is inevitable but how you take it is in your hands. I can feel wounded or I can get wiser. I try to be wiser hehe most of the times but when the cycle hits again, it wounds me. Lessons lessons lessons.

Thanks,
NAMASTE

To preach or not: Practicing yogis

Why we preach

We preach because we want to share something special, a beautiful experience of mind body energy. We want everyone to feel and discover this subtle and powerful aspect of life. Its like no one told us so we really really want to change at least one life. Essentially may be pay it forward kind of emotion. Really really trying to help out someone lost like us.

When we preach

We preach when we see people doing same things we did before. How we wasted time on tv, movies, alcohol blah blah things. We preach when people ask us why we are not like them. We desperately want to when people go even a step further to persuade us to come back to their version of normality. Specially when we see people in pain created by their own miseries.

Should we preach

Hmm there are two aspects to it. First one is yes go preach, tell people about your experience and how you benefited without going into the details of your goal or whole bookish knowledge, just share your part of journey if someone is willing to listen. Say as less as possible without any intention of persuading or insisting on anything.  Now that person might be interested or not, be prepared to be detached from their life's decisions.
Don't go telling everyone, hmm why because until you are strong this detachment will not come easily, your meditation will get affected, you might feel why are they not realizing this is such a great venture. Still try once so you experience it for yourself.
 For me personally, it didn't work, I am not a good speaker, so even when I was saying right thing, I didn't feel like defending arguing my point to extent I would be exhausted. But then again thats me, you can always choose your own path. Also, there is no right no wrong, everyone has their own truth. Just when people attacked me, it really got to me and disturbed my meditation. When I am calmer, my defensive nature will not be at peak. I am not ready right now.
 If someone is really seeking, all it takes is just one sentence from your side. If they are not, nothing matters. You can't convince someone to be on this path, they have to be willing. Also you are not really ready to be a leader. First be ready, get clarity then you are eligible.
Would you have listened if some random person told you 5 years ago to change your lifestyle you were proudly happy in? Its so much about timing and receptivity.
If they see you change, they will come and ask, then answer what their intention is.
अधजल गगरी छलकत जाए  
कम गुण वाला व्यक्ति दिखावा बहुत करता है
Less knowledge lesser skills more blabber. An intelligent wise person is usually quiet. 

Conclusion

You could be one of those influential ones who actually make people listen and follow. If you are, use your skill. If you are not, may be focus on your own journey first. Like in planes safety instructions, first help yourself then others. Everyone is living a full life according to themselves, they think they are at their best so approaching with necessary skills is important so you don't hurt their ego or throw spiritual terms that don't make any sense to them.

 Its a super long difficult hike, other hikes are just loops that waste time and effort. Time is so crucial in this path, its just a 100 yr old time then you are born again to who knows what kind of unconscious parents, again some years to remember come back on this path. So thinking ohh let me go slow this time, I will move to other levels in next life is like delaying the process and falling in hands of destiny again.

Again this is all just my understanding of my short practice. I might be very wrong and lost so use your own judgement. Just my view of my experiences.

NAMASTE

Meditation and Frustration: Tips

Are you frustrated? Are you wondering where are those peaceful times gone? And now that you are free of food and other desires, there is nothing that will help you out of this depression. Who would have thought meditation can do this? Technically meditation didn't, its another trick of mind to feel you less so you give up.


There are days when meditation, concentration is wonderful. One of my yoga teachers likes to say quotes in class and I barely listen because quoting a quote is not really my thing. But then one day he said something during my struggling time with body, mind, meditation. He goes, we all have our strong times weak times, days when we feel strong and we get all the praise are the days when we actually bear the fruits of weak times when we struggled a lot. So weak days are the times when we actually put all our strength in our work.


In meditation, the problem is you feel like you had reached a point. All of a sudden you have fallen into this pit all the way back. Its nothing like that at all. You are not your body, you are not your mind. So the act of sitting there for one hour no matter what is the actual one. How your body responds, how your mind interferes is just a reflection of your outer state. The balance is not there perhaps, your dedication discipline is very much there. As soon as this phase is over, your meditation would have improved. Honestly, if you think logically, okk you have a bad day or a series of those, what use is fucking yourself over it. You can not really do anything. The least favor you can do for yourself is to be in your default state, joyful peaceful state. Whatever happens, there is no sad state, straight away go to the default state, happy peace one.

You fall for compulsions, learn your lesson, move fast, happy peaceful again.
You preach too much, don't do next time, move fast, happy peaceful again.
You wasted time in desire, don't do next time,forget learn , happy peaceful again.
You can't be with people its disturbing you, may be stay alone for some time, happy peaceful again.
Your parents are bothering you, tell them what you want don't call for sometime, happy peaceful again.

Whatever happens, happy peaceful again and again.

Are we running from problems here by ignoring people? Should we face them right then and there and be over it? I tried a lot, our parents have been after us for having kids giving different kinds of social sentimental even karmic reasons. Why not talk it out right? Problem is when you are tying to find your footing in spiritual path, lost is the only way out. When discussions happen, you will always feel defeated, you don't know enough to say why you are doing what you are doing and they have a thousand things to say, they won't take no for an answer. Only way out is to request to not talk about it. Save yourself from agitation, frustration of this constant fight with the world. Accept people as they are. Who says you change, just let them be. Right in this moment, you work on yourself. Don't resist so much, flow with the world. Don't say much. Blend in where you can. If not, its okk. Everyone has their own journey. Don't take it too seriously.

Can I take advice from a meditator? I tried that too, see that also doesn't work unless you are really close to the person. So don't try it with someone you barely know. Only a knowledgeable wise person can give advice with no strings attached. A relative might add his intention or favor from your parents or society unconsciously. If nothing, their life could be totally different from yours. You are not alone, just meditate regularly for some years patiently, all answers are inside. When you are vulnerable, your wounds just need some air, no other thing helps. Let them dry up smoothly.

Meditation is a super long process. Years of practice gives guru to set you on right path. Be patient. Doing not doing exist in the same realm. Impatience intolerance is also a distraction. Try bhajans, chanting when nothing works. Calm yourself, think why are you angry, what is the solution, sort it out, be the champion. Within 15 minutes, you will smile.

Smile smile smile for you are finally on the right path. Its a bliss in itself. What if you were running around chasing in this life too.  Be grateful to cosmos, is this not enough to keep yourself in a high spirit? Think about it, count your blessings yogis.

This is all part of my experience and coping mechanism. Hope this helps someone out there.

NAMASTE

Dealing with PMS : Just go with it

PMS is this annoying cycle of 2 weeks or sometimes extending upto 3 weeks for me. All those weeks, something in me dies like someone kicked my ass, I am this debbie downer who says she's good but inside she's just not there. No emotion, no thought is worth wasting energy on. Even the energy to just sit and meditate is barely ever there. When I do try, then come all the downpulling wasteful thoughts. If something bothers me, normally I can just brush aside and forget in seconds, nah pms simply magnifies the problem, it becomes a constant ticking bomb in mind unless there is some drastic measure from my side. Like recently, all whatsapp groups saw archana left. People being people thought I was angry, well how do you say its for meditation when you are not even still for a moment no matter how much you try. My life has no worries, not even a single one, its extraordinarily surprising capability of pmsing mind to turn me into a disaster with no reason.

So these are the symptoms, I know the problem is of body which honestly no one can do much about. Its pills that fuck you up more. So diet should take care of it. Meanwhile lets focus on how to handle this.

Okay you don't feel like waking up early, doing kriya swimming. Lets take it slow. Wake up whenever you complete sleep. Have breakfast. Finish kitchen work. Now decide which class acc to breakfast. Light breakfast, early class 10am. Heavy breakfast,4.30 class. But one class is must no matter how you feel. Put your clothes out, sign yourself up for next class in advance. Now go for walk after lunch for one hour. Walk in any direction. If its sunny, go to a lake. At the end of all of it, trust me it feels like why did I waste half of the month doing nothing. So don't listen to mind, just step out like something you must do no matter what. Now what to do about mood swings and reciprocating husband's moods. Follow timothy olyphant " This is where I  wanna be" " This is the moment" Be your version of grand happy. This moment won't come back. Don't really engage in serious conversations right now. You might say feel do things people will hold grudge against. Wait if you can. Try to not act impulsively. Think for a moment- who's saying this body, mind or me the life.


Okay so honestly don't waste time moping around waiting for it to come. Just do what you do everyday in bestest way. This past me is telling you, you regret staying at home, you regret missing fun all days, you regret being not happy, you regret not meditating, you regret it all. Correcting mistakes is important but dwelling of them is more time wasted. Don't do it. Just try honestly. Lets break this cycle of giving up every month together.

I am not my body practice begins. Good luck. I am not my mind when it says lets be down. Especially when mind says no, go deep and ask again really do I have to.

 Love yourself. Love others. Go out, have fun.

Lost found Lost...PMS ruined meditation :(

Days in a row I am so found I wasn't lost ever, then nights of lost me occur where there is nothing in me that sees hope of ever nailing this path of meditation.

Half of the month, it could be my hormones acting up, I am so boosted and motivated, my whole personality magnifies, I am happy lively outgoing, my meditation peaks my concentration focus improves. Everything every task that I do is like a joyful doing. Even my hair look better.  Especially during this time, all my creativity also comes back, lazboy couch is alone, my ass is out there in the world smiling walking waving helping finishing off regular chores with highest involvement in my life like literally. I don't gossip, super calm me imagines a preacher's face on me. Its like the identity mask changes. All sadhguru spirituality videos come pouring in, everyone who touches my life during this time gets a different version of me. These two weeks are the ultimate functioning weeks literally, my learning weeks. I am waking up at 4, swimming tabata running gosh my day is like a happiness marathon of my own making. I read books for god's sake, me reading a book aah who is this person. Even tasks that were like postponed for months get done somehow. My heaven is right there if only it continued more than 15 days.

Then comes another half of the month, my back starts acting up and poof goes my meditation in air. No focus, no concentration, a billion useless thoughts in mind that don't even matter to me. I mean honestly even if the wedding was tomorrow, I wouldn't lift finger today but then why the hell is it making rounds in my mind when meditating. My back doesn't even allow me to do easy poses when my latest accomplishment was king pigeon. Its frustrating.It could be annoying pms, no wonder women choose bhakti route. Hormones must help in that path.  Outgoing me transforms into this introvert home caged person who doesn't even see bk shivani anymore. My hair are like a stray dog's dirty fur, either too oily or too rough.  I am watching useless shows, movies all the while realizing what I am doing. But spirituality isn't even a bit appealing.  This is the lost phase, the worst part is all kinds of compulsive habits soar up, controlling them, being conscious takes more toll but the moment I give in, I know it will be like missing an exit and driving another 50 miles till another one comes. It could be my anemia but still how lost can you really be.? How unmotivated disheartened can you wander around? All kinds of gossips, doubts on who likes who doesn't, all kinds of insecurities are popping up. Its like my own created living hell of emotions which the fuck I don't give a fuck then why the fuck are they popping up. I need nonsense blocker for mind.

Hopefully this shall pass soon. Finally found, never lost again. This hope is so fake, from what I have read, 15 days can convert into months of nothing nada progress too. So yeah just follow schedule do what how you can do best that day I guess. Push, surrender do whatever it takes to keep me floating.

Losing weight vs Being healthy

My college break was full of yoga, every semester I ate, gained weight did nothing even a bit athletic to help my body. At one point, it went to the extent my friends said I carried my own seat with me. They might have exaggerated a bit, still sadly no one ever told me why it was important to take care of body. Even when they asked me to lose weight, it was countered with reasons like you will look better with solutions like eat boiled food. So honestly the whole concept never appealed. It was done as a process with more focus on the part how people looked at me or rated me.

I maintained around 55kgs for 5 years. Sometimes if I worked out in gym more or did more beachbody kind of extensive workouts, it easily shed off to bounce back in few months adding little by little every month. 

With yoga also, the weight went flexibility came but change was never stable. I gained, I lost to gain again. Although after a while, yoga gave me the sense of handling my body, first time when I did crow pose or the bow pose, the amount of balance gave me a new rush. In that very moment, the why of fitness came to me.

We should be fit because when someone says run, jump we shouldn't be like a sack managing somehow. When you feel fit, you feel alive, you feel light like wind. Fat is not our friend, it makes us lethargic clung to sofas.  More lightness came with tabata, swimming. I never really did anything anymore that wasn't fun for me. Yoga is super fun, tabata is fun, swimming is so calmingly energetic. Would this work for everyone, nope, it depends on a lot what you like to have fun in. How you like to play with your body? Still weight wasn't stable. 

Now how much calories how many times what to eat how to eat blah blah doesn't really matter. We get lost in stupid diet complexities. All I did was I started taking 3 meals in a day in an interval of 6 hours. So all those metabolism 8 meals a day is not really good. It doesn't give your stomach time to relax, your body is constantly working unnecessarily. Shambhavi kriya also affected my weight. 

Yep, I don't eat fried food or restaurant food. Most of it is our simple indian vegetarian food, somedays its salads or fruits. I fast all ekadashis . Its like once in 15 days, you cleanse your body. 

Its the simplest thing to do. Just eat simple indian food, fast once in 15 days if possible weekly with fruits only, do yoga, eat 3 meals. When you eat, chew chew chew. Within 15 minutes you will feel full and done. As soon as you feel your stomach is 3/4th full, stop , you don't need more. Thats about it. All the weightlifting, cardio blasts, blah blah diets workouts are mere money schemes. Exercise eat like you are not controlling yourself all the time, you are enjoying life. 

No more tea, how I left tea

I love love love tea. I could have been one of those bankers who gulped buckets of tea unconsciously in the name of work or even boredom. Alcohol, cannabis was far easier to give up. Tea addiction is the one that took me time to come terms with. Typical black indian tea is the one I am talking about.

First of all, of course I thought everything is out, why should I kick tea out too? Its pretty harmless right. Two reasons convinced me. Its a stimulant we use to have some sort of life back as evening approaches or give an electric start to mornings. When tea is not around, headaches appear. Now that kind of dependency is not required in life. Even if it is not dependency, its almost like alcohol, as soon as you are out of it, you try to get back slyly as if everything is cool. Another reason was it wasn't really healthy or serving any purpose, it was useless addition to life. Indians never really drank tea, Britishers brought it, cultivated it. We fell for it, it became a royalty symbol for slaves who wanted to somehow copy their masters. Bang, decades later we are addicted.

How to get rid of this habit? I can only tell what worked for me. After a lot of relapses to tea, I figured by shutting it off all of a sudden, it will just confuse my body and it will crave it even more. So slowly, every day I reduced the amount of tea in cup, within  a week it was just 1/8 tsp tea  which is just for the color. Somehow, I fooled my body by reducing slowly and it worked. Continued another week but once in two days and then by the end of the week, bam done I was done with tea forever.

I did get some minor headache but didn't give in to the compulsion of just a bit this time. There is no need to pop a pill too, pill is caffeine too so thats another way of getting it back in system.

Honestly, energy is so much more organic than before. Hopefully, I won't give in to this temptation again. With that one spoon sugar is gone too. Sugar free too. Little changes are so big for the body. Try leaving tea , coffee. Your body will thank you, you will feel it. Control gives confidence too. After a while, you won't even control, it will be like I don't need it dude.

Thanks

What how why meditation?

As soon as you google meditation, there are so many options and they are all very confusing. Which one to follow, is just any guided meditation okk or there is a specific way to do it? For almost an year, we did it on our own. It helps a bit but without a structure, as soon as something strikes you crumble. You got to have a plan in it too.

It is not something we can keep changing everyday. What helped me in stabilizing my body and mind is shambhavi mahamudra by sadhguru. Similar kind of practice  called sudarshan kriya is taught by sri sri ravi shankar Following or devoting yourself to a person is not the point. In that way, we are putting them on some higher aisle believing we can't be like them. Its about learning the art of evolving our body and mind. Every human being has the potential to be like sadhguru or ravi shankar or any other gurus. You don't have to become a guru, you just follow a systematic method of awakening consciousness. Again this is not in my experience so I can only aspire to be free. There are certain processes that help in aligning body with mind to be meditative. 

Any person who says something that can benefit you in any way is your guru. Dog is your guru when he gives you unconditional love, child is your guru when he lets go instantly, cat is your guru when it chooses not to eat unconsciously, sun is your guru when it is just being itself not giving not being partial, tree is your guru when it gives you oxygen to survive. Everyone has something to teach us, we just have to be available. It doesn't matter who you learn meditation from as long as the technique is right. Just don't go for the uber hippie stuff, its a very traditional serious thing. Yogananda paramhansa's books are pretty awesome. His geeta is perfect. But books are not a substitute for real way of practicing. 

So some kind of discipline or practice brings a lot of change. It helped me in fixing my sleep time, even reducing it. My food habits are way better now, I need less and there is abundance of energy all day long. The way i see and treat people changed too. For this process to take place, all I did was staying true to my practice which doesn't even take more than 2 hours in a day. 2 hours out of 24 hours is nothing. I am a total beginner so my experience is a bit limited. 

This procedure is working for me. If I had to suggest, it would be learn some practice, do yoga everyday, read inner engineering ,taste of well being books. Not all at once, slowly slowly find time for these things. Even if we shift waking up time by half an hour every week, within  a month we are waking at 5 from 7. You can try yoga at a nearby studio or from youtube just start with 20 minutes of yoga. In food also, start eliminating things slowly. If we try do to everything all together, we are bound to fail. It takes time for body to understand and adjust to new routines, food practices. 

Not just you, people around you will benefit from your changes too. Your kids will learn from your example not from plain hollow preachings. Your parents might approach old age with more graciousness and less desires. Your co workers will feel more safe and open around you. In  a way, you will be whatever life needs you to be without any effort. 

NAMASTE

Meditation phase temptation :)

Well, its really easy to take resolutions, whats difficult is following through. Some people give up with the easiest route, make a silly excuse like I don't even have the time to do it, some people actually try for like a week and then come up with the excuse hmm I really don't have the time, then there are others who know this is not a way out process. You are either totally in or eating out hehe see what I did there. I personally favored postponing tool which is like someday maybe translated to never in my life because I was too fucking lazy. I am trying to get rid of bad habits, they slow us down pull us down. Its like running a marathon with weights with no whatsoever intentions of winning, trying and winning need different amounts of determination and will.

You might say I am trying to act too smart here calling your genuine life problems excuses, so your husband has an early meeting, you wake up early prepare lunch on that day right because you really wanted to and there was no other way. In situations where we don't really want to be involved,we come up with all kinds of meaningful logical excuses. Next time your mind throws an excuse, pause repeat the question and really really think how can I do it and how will it affect your life?

So this phase of meditation is temptations. Everything that we gave up is striking, pulls us in that direction, if we give in to temptation, we resent learn a new lesson and we are back on your path even more focussed. Its like you have been warned. All kinds like eating, tv, laziness, movies, sulking come back with more power, they catch you in the weakest moment like a tiger waiting to attack its prey when its most unguarded and vulnerable. The path is pretty steep though, if you are not careful, the loop of worldly materialism is back on route. Old patterns look comfortable to fall back into but in long term we are just sleeping on our own ikea cactus bed.

There will be days or weeks in stretch when nothing will happen in meditation. I see it like yoga, for months there are no improvements in my yoga, my dancer pose has been stuck for an year, but that doesn't mean the body is not working. When big changes are on way, it takes time to unfold them in their full picture. If we give up in between, we stop the process.

All we have to do is just do it, what will we gain out of gaming, tv, eating. We did it all our lives, got nothing out of it just entanglements and more knots in life. It was fun but it doesn't complete us. So meditation to me seems like the only way, the only adventure of life I want to be on. It is an adventure, there are so many moments where instantly I realize  what is going wrong, how I can be better next time. Its life changing phenomenon of course it will take years. We gathered all this rubbish in minds, its not easy to recycle this kind of garbage.


 I will do what is needed of me, nothing less nothing more.

Inner Engineering Questions Answered :)

Finally, we did inner engineering and it was amazing. So lets see if I can answer some of the questions that were in my mind before attending without revealing the contents of the program.

Online or not?
Hmm if there is no option of attending it in person under a trained teacher, yes go for online. Otherwise best results would be if you can be there for 4 days with undivided attention.

Yoga or not?
Program has nothing to do with yoga skills. You absolutely do not need any experience of yoga. In case you have any pain in body, you can always take next session. It does take a lot of sitting so if your back or legs or shoulders hurt, may be next time. But if you can just be there and learn it using a cushion or pillow, it would be awesome. This is not just about yoga, its way more than that. As soon as you do it, it will start your second life that sooner. If you are pregnant, check if you are healthy and comfortable enough to be there sitting 4 days.

Friends or not?
Hmm I went with my husband and it doesn't really matter who you go with, most probably you won't sit with them. Just don't go for the sake of a friend or take someone for company. Its your own inner journey, no one matters. Work on yourself.

For me or not?
Its for everyone. I am always happy and nothing really bothers me. Still, it hit me how uncontrollable I was with body and mind. Our group had people from all ages, 19 to 50. College students, housewives, working folks, reiki healers, yogis, americans, russians almost everyone from society. So don't think much, it will benefit you.

For long term or short term?
Its definitely a long term solution to life. After some time, you can go for other advanced courses too.


When?
Whenever you are ready, take the leap.

Sadhguru or not?
I did it without sadhguru. Isha teachers are amazing. Yes, it might be different with sadhguru. But inner engineering is not something you delay for an year. Sadhguru's wisdom soul is in program, you just need that. trust me.


How to prepare?
A week before program, don't take alcohol drugs or even unhealthy food. It always works better if you feel more light and healthy in general. There is no exertion involved but you will notice your body and mind will respond more if you feel better inside outside.

How to conduct yourself?
Okay I would say you are going for something life changing and incredibly subtle. Try wearing long tops with comfortable leggings or capris. I would not recommend nightwear just because it is comfortable.  Its not about showing skin or not, its about you being comfortable and not checking if your top is going up or pants are falling down. There is certain ease and simplicity of mind in being decently dressed.
When they serve food, try to take just one serving, don't fill yourself too much just because you feel hungry. If you are lactose intolerant, avoid yogurt.
You are not here to gossip or analyze this program. Whatever wherever applies in your life, absorb it. If you enter with a skeptical mind, you will end up with nothing. If you are really skeptical, don't go to test sadhguru, its your wish but your mind's poison might corrupt others' life journey. You lose receptivity when you doubt.
Don't keep your mobile with you, switch it off in between sessions. Don't note down anything unless they ask you. Program is designed beautifully, you just have to be there. Let loose. For once in life, trust someone fully.


What changed after this?
Well a lot of changes happened. It brought more discipline in my routine, my food my yoga my meditation my life everything is more in sync.


Finally, enter with an open mind, open heart with the willingness to accept. Thats all you need. You don't need to be devoted to sadhguru, see it like a life enhancing program, no one else looses if you decide to sit it out in resentment. Just be there for yourself.

Alcohol Cannabis out Meditation in

Whoops this post was the least expected one. I mean me leaving alcohol was kind of coming up but cannabis aah that was a life changing decision.  Honestly, cannabis brought meditation in our lives too so this is such a betrayal from our side. We dumped cannabis for spiritual trials.

Some moments, some decisions pop up suddenly with age and degrading body. Its like it's meant to be but a few years are given to reach that on your own. It was truly fun while it lasted but more important things were queued up in life.

With intoxicants, you kind of crave for them. Loads of excitement, fun, happiness does come with it but it doesn't last long then of course there's hangover. If you can be high on life without all of these, why not right?

Well, of course meditation will take time. Its a practice that needs a lot of patience. It needs mind and body alignment so this is not going to be easy but hopefully all will be worth it. Anyways, alcohol wasn't really a long term solution and cannabis creates a layer between us and mind. Honestly, everything we eat everything we drink, its all for happiness. Its important to recognize when they become just a habit. When we start drinking, smoking as a ritual not for fun, end is near. Most of us just drink on weekends so none of us are really addicts.  Exit is just a state of mind for us.

I am not going to be a hypocrite and be one of those who want to preach and ban everything they are not on. I think both of them improved my life in those moments, gave me more freedom from my small town personality, they helped me dance when I couldn't dance sober, they helped me express when I was shit scared normally, they introduced sadhguru to us. So enjoy till you can and when you feel like, you can leave them too. Just don't get addicted. Have fun with everything in control.

 Its your life, you decide but do try meditation.

To sulking wives and angry husbands, try more

This is a classic couple tale. We love each other but some days I sulk, he gets angry, none of us seem to know how to break out of this loop. Mind goes in overdrive suggesting every single wrong path. Its not mind's fault, we programmed it that way, its years of coding.

To sulking wives,

Do you feel like his anger is unjustified? Is it like if he just comes and talks, it will be all over. But if you go , he might snap again and push you off.  Its like a prisoner situation where you yourself are the jailor, no one else has created the walls, its our mind that makes us think all of it. No matter how hard we try to break out, it makes us sink deeper. Every time this happens, sinking well grows deeper, it becomes more difficult to get out this self created pathetic situation. Even if it goes on for 15 minutes, the kind of poison that is generated per second is causing way more damage than anyone else can. These self pity, self esteem killing moments occur again and again.

What to do : Well, first of all shake yourself, shut up your mind, gather all the courage and with all the courage confidence you can muster, just say I understand I will try again but lets not talk in this tone again. If I am not getting it, please help me out. If you think this is the way you can push me, its really not. You are just pushing me away in a negative direction. It will make matters worse. So calm down, you are hurting yourself too. Just take a breather here, time relation is more important than this. Whatever will not matter in a day or year is not worth pining on. Don't raise your tone, don't shout. Be mature.


To angry husbands

Do you feel like she is  a fool for not getting simple things? Do you feel like she purposely does all this to annoy you? If she could just apologise properly and not repeat mistake, it will be good. Well, in some way we are all trying to manipulate people and situations to suit our mood requirements. So you are expecting someone to show a nature trait that is not theirs. Do you think you can train her or push her by not talking to her for some time? Do you think you are helping yourself by elongating anger clockout time? More angrier, more she is getting the point right.


Nah, its not actually happening at all. She is just waiting for this to be over and avoid this situation altogether. Next time she will not be around. She will avoid this at all costs. She might not raise her voice but inside all the negative vibes are coming to you as angry vibes are going to her. Its a victim role people get into when they are threatened. Again, some part of brain goes in survival mode, gives up, retreats, shuts off, gets nervous with every passing moment. So yeah, instead just be calm, breathe think over , did she do it knowingly? Did she do it on purpose? Even if she has repeated, is it worth creating turmoil in your body, mind? Its not right, anger changes us, every time we cross a limit threshold, we go further next time, more brutal next time. So actually, you just became insensitive to the person you love most, you harmed your body and relationship, most of all you trained your mind in the worst way. Resistance increases from both sides of hurting and getting hurt. Hours to days to months people don't talk to each other for silly egos.  Just talk to her, ask her to try with love.

Sanity insanity is not what we think of it. Insanity is not extreme behavior, these little moments of  losing control also make us insane. Let us program ourselves the right way. Change is hard but its necessary for life and happiness.

Take responsibility. Blame no one. Stop justifications. The statement " I am right, they are wrong " will never allow you to change for better. Don't endorse wrong behavior," I am right"  forces our wrong habits, makes them stronger.  Its impedes your psychological development. Justifying is our biggest enemy. Even 5 minutes of toxic thought is not right.

Don't lose yourself in spirituality

There has been an ongoing conflict in me, who am I ? In this process to be kinder, in bowing to divine in everyone, divine in me lost sight of itself. I realized this while talking to my sister, at the end of conversation suddenly it occurred to me my voice was high confident free, it wasn't thinking high low or judging, we were just talking. It filled me with so much positive self reliance, yogi in me rocked class. Suddenly, there was this enthusiasm bubbling like I was coming out of some kind of dimming drug, as soon as it was out of system, I was me again.

So on my transformation journey, this was the biggest hurdle, still is. Trying to treat others nicely made me sink lower, instead of being an independent self reliant person, I began thinking whole of me needs renovation literally. I lowered my voice unconsciously, sheepish smile on lips. To be meditative or spiritual, yes you should not have wrong vices but at the same time don't push yourself so much you lose faith in yourself.

Whatever character traits you hold have been defining you all these years, not all of them are junk. It kind of hit my destination was right, path was wrong. I can be soft yet strong at same time. In trying to praise others I am not diminishing my worth. See, somehow some things are hardcore. Like this one, to compete or be better, someone has to do worse. In life, there is just one track that we run on. We can choose to run, stand, glide or merely rest. When you are running what others do on their tracks is not your business ,its when you do nothing comparisons build up. It shouldn't really bother me how anyone else does at yoga. Well it does. Its time to get out of comfort sinkhole of hiding back with the convenience of peace on face. Fake timid happiness will keep me glued to starting line of track.

In my yoga class, in that moment where I reached and pushed myself to reach deeper, I took a vow to not lose sight of this strength and determination, to be fierce in everything. Fierceness is a necessary trait to be successful on this journey or in fact any journey. Its like a tempering to boring dal. Peace, happiness are side kicks. Without wisdom of fierce mind, a single person decides to fuck up my day, they might. When you are fierce, focus lies in your path, when you are not you are merely hanging out at mercy of others' mood.

How it came to brim was all my insecurities started popping up. For god sakes, if you are doing everything right and your mind won't shut up pulling you down, you have lost control of it. Its delusional to hope meditation is going to help. See things as they are, yes no more buttering up people unconsciously, some times being a little mean, thinking a little higher of yourself helps too especially if being nice is over powering mind.

When you are over nice, you start thinking about other's comfort more, you kind of go into a state where you would rather suffer than say because that would not be abiding by geeta, well even if you feel it you  don't say it, its disturbing.Yes, its possible to be with everyone but not for everyone, it might take a few rebirths to achieve that, if avoiding helps do it. Avoiding is not a long term solution, as soon as you are strong deal with everything consciously.  Yes,there are a lot of right perfect behaviors but only when you are in right state of mind.  By curbing personality you are just putting on a mask or a cloak, it hinders development. Mask might not be available when you really need it. In that moment, you will find people unbearable to look at, simple situations will look like unconquerable mountains, pathetic people will be like villains in life.

Honestly somehow the wanna be good me convinced me to do a lot of things but nah as soon as reality would be on face, it scared me. Constantly thinking I need to be better just means more toil on brain. Do things consciously without having the persistent rule following notion. What would a logical strong person do? Reptilian brain has to be put aside, this is no more survival, this is the time to test limits.

Also, when you relinquish control, people feed on you like zombies. That is the harsh reality. 'You can not survive in this age with a peaceful smile and heart full of happiness. Someone someday will shake it, to protect it to make it stronger you need to be in control of yourself, situation, people. Drive them according to your likes without even making much of the effort.

What should be my goals now? Hmm I have to be blunt, I have to be the person I was in college with new learnt codes, that was the time no wonder what people thought, in my mind I was ruling. My favorite song was alan parsons I wouldn't want to be like you, its so motivating if you listen in a non judgmental way. It is. Scrolling through some old pics, that spark in my eyes, that arrogance of beauty, the feeling of being on top unfazed by others' life reeled me back. Current pictures are more like of a simple easy going funny person. But that girl knew she wasn't just any people defined identity.

I wouldn't want to be like you. A lot of changes are needed in my body and mind but this will give me a strong foundation. Just because I need change doesn't mean I am not perfect, its just a phase to improve perfection.I have to stop hanging out with people who add nothing to my life.

 If this thing is not nailed right now in my life, my structure will crumble under pressure of trying to be something my mind won't let me comprehend. Stay true to yourself, then move on.

Out of delusion, into reality.

Be strong. Be powerful. Power is a skill.

Take control. Be in driver's seat. Rule rule rule.

Whatever I do say feel is all for me, its got nothing to do with anyone anymore.

Time to get me back.

Raise joyful kids : That's it

I should be the last person writing this. I don't have kids but then it takes a third party to know what someone could be missing. Its just a minute thing and parents want it the most.

If you have a kid or kids, they are truly miracles not because you gave birth to them or because you went through a nine month pregnancy or a 24 hour labor, its because this new soul chose to be there with you so they could evolve better.

Honestly people start with the best of intentions but somehow between losing sleep, fattening body, preparing meals, it becomes a chore like others. Getting through day is a hassle for moms, let alone thinking about kids' happiness. To them, kids are always happily demanding. Its moms who need therapy and time to wash hair, do yoga. Its not wrong to complain, they occupy a whole new zone of life you never knew you could just give away for a total stranger.

Lets look at this from a child's perspective. This soul could have been a 80 year old, that soul is now a part of your life. Would you like it if someone bossed you around whole day or talked to you loudly in front of their friends? Yes, they are in this body that needs constant nourishment and help from others. Have you noticed as soon as kids can eat, they want to eat themselves, walk themselves, run around freely, play, explore, basically do everything that scares you? Imagine someone cribbing all day about handling you. How frustrated would that make you? That is the emotional state of a child.

What is the solution? Yes you are tired, so rest take break hire a babysitter, rejuvenate yourself. Ask friend for help.  Its more helpful for kid. You will get your life back after a few years, they will start going school but your anger complaint and frustration will mold them into something that they will change again as a 30 year old. That is a painful process, some of the adults will never even realize what went wrong. Why go through unlearning stuff if you never learn anything?


When we garden, we sow seed, wait for it to rise, there is no twisting or turning stems. All we have to do is nourish it, give water sun, give it a strong root fertile soil. Flowers come naturally.

As a parent, be happy be joyful enjoy this process every moment. Don't teach them anything, they will pick up skills on their own. This is the time to witness how a life grows. Kids are the greatest teachers, they don't hold grudges, they don't know any emotion but love or anger. Take them towards love. If possible, add spirituality. Be an example but don't force them to be like you. We are not from their generation, there is not much you can add to their life, your contribution is till 5 years. Give them a blissful childhood of freedom with fond memories that shape their life. When you are at ease, it will be a group of people co-living.  When you are not, it will be a forced prison.

Accept you just gave them a body. Rest all belongs to them. Don't meddle with that structure. Simply respect them as a human life.

There are so many sadhguru videos on parenting. Watch them. Immense responsibility lies with you. It would be a utter wastage if they turn out just like you.

You have a new thriving life. Live upto it.

Thanks,
NAMASTE

Yoga and life: More yoga tips

Its been almost an year of yoga. The charm of yoga still gets me some days. So many poses to practice, so many dimensions to grow in, strength, flexibility all that yoga is about is just too much to take in. Yoga room gives me new goals in every class. Every pose every class is a new discovery. As experience deepens, more body awakening happens.

There are few more pointers I picked up in my practice.



Twist : Who likes twists? Most of the beginners like me have no idea what they mean by twist. Its only when you experience it after a few months, you gauge the range in which your body can move. The basis of a twist is centered body. When you twist in triangle pose, look up towards your hand, straighten it without putting pressure on your supporting leg or hand, raise your chest inhale and then twist back. Seated twist are kind of warmups for these.

Shavasana : Shavasana is the most important and ignored pose in yoga classes. I mean literally I have teachers who advertise in shavasana about teachers training and discounts. Again, that doesn't mean I give up on it, its a purely internal process that we do to release our body after a yoga class. Its not just breathing or lying down, try this dialogue.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsHuGPp9qJo

Bikram : Bikram is a very argued class, its hot its damaging. Well, it kind of is. But there is no other class that has this many poses with specific cues on how to get it right. They train teachers with a defined guideline. My point here is hydrate, choose your spot and rest or just do one set if its too much. If heat really bothers, do it in your home. Just don't quit on it. It sets basis for so many other forms of yoga poses. Its wonderful.


Relax n stretch : When they say stretch, I hear people puffing over extending themselves pushing. A stretch should be one of the relaxing poses, if you are not flexible let it grow on you. I couldn't do forward fold, then one day I figured, lets follow the cue but not force anything. With every breath just relaxing into it helped a ton more than any other thing did. Let gravity help you.


Back: Backbends are my favorite ones. With advanced bikram class, this trick dawned on me. In a backbend, you first inhale raise your chest, then hands stick with ears, feel this straight posture from legs to head, then move back, rise with every inhale. In every exhale lower back works. Its like a dance. If I go too fast, it hurts for days. Curve is created with chest up and then lower back just rhymes with it.


Stomach : Honestly, my stomach is dead. When they say abs, i have no idea how it feels like which is something I should be working on. So sucking in stomach doesn't mean you stop breathing. When we go down for rabbit pose, we inhale take stomach in, even when we tuck in chin, the whole other body is rising. It plays a vital role in so many poses. If I get this one thing nailed, this will change so many poses and increase my strength. More you tuck in stomach, better you inhale and rise. So get used to that feeling.


Knees: Lock your knees, lock your knees. Lets try this sitting. Flex your feet so much calves touch floor. This is the locking position we want in all the balances. Its that simple. Try standing head to knee, just focus on your standing leg, don't stretch your leg to  mirror.  When you stretch, it should be like your leg is parallel to floor and you are lifted in pose. Try going on toes and feel the sensation.  This one tip changed all my standing poses and protected my knee. In warrior 2, never let your knee go lateral. It should be straight. After some time, looking at other people's poses also gave me the idea why knees might hurt.

Soft focus : Focus focus focus, this is yoga teacher's favorite word. Just focus on your third eye. Yeah we need focus but not the kind that makes you pull your eyebrows together. Its how you look at someone you love, softly lovingly with slow breaths. When there is no pushing, pose creates itself.

Setting up posture : In my initial classes, all I cared about was getting into pose. Its so important to pay attention to setting up pose. It eliminates so many mistakes we make. Listen to setting up cues carefully. Supporting or staying in pose depends entirely on setting it up perfectly to your body's capabilities.

Coming out of posture : Yep skipped this one too. I see people barely holding up poses, as soon as she says come out they are down without any precautions. While coming out, never hurry, take it slow, release joints carefully.

Executing posture : Executing pose is just staying in it after setting it up. Lets try plane pose, so we moved from warrior 1, now in plane pose keep your chest lifted, leg lifted like a string connects to you a tight rope and you have no option but to be calm and lifted. With every breath, lift your chest lift your leg, with exhale relax into it. In triangle, you are twisting continuously but with controlled breaths. No matter what happens, if it makes you feel like a cardio race, come out of it gently and go for shavasana.

Breathing : Why do we do yoga? Why do we stay in poses for long time? Is it to lose weight or is it to be an acrobat? Nope its to gain control on our breathing, when we can control them and bring them to a slower pace even in a headstand, that is true yoga. That is the purpose. That is how we align our body energies. Every pose is about aligning body energy with breath. No puffing, no loud exhales like someone strangled you, this should be your natural state. That is the comfort you are looking for. That is the yoga we all should be doing.

Flexing of feet : Flexing of feet helps with lots of poses. When we flex, our calves touch ground and gives a solid base for standing poses and folds.

Practice alone : Usually my spot is in a corner where I see no one, just myself. It helps in many ways, of course there is no distraction of other people's practices, their breathing doesn't affect me, their restlessness doesn't get to me. If I could just practice in nature, it would be ultimate goal. That way my yoga will improve in folds. Sometimes I phase out teachers voices and follow my internal voice.

Namaste : Instructor says shavasana and we roll on mat like a cat. Before going on mat, bow to yourself, thank your body mind for this amazing support on mat, for not straying , for not failing you. Most of all, it is for you, by thanking you establish a gratefulness with yourself for showing up for practice. Everytime I smile and bow down, something in me glows.

Strength: Soft strong focus and strength that is not moved by mind's weak suggestions. Mind will say, lets rest for a while, its for us to see if we really need it or we can push further in our practice. Get this strength and determination in practice.

Grace : Last but not least, whatever you do in life, be yoga or cooking or waking, do it with grace and elegance. When you do yoga with grace, its like a dance where you move in coordinated soft flow. Your face starts showing it. Your body starts feeling it. Its magic, plain magic.


NAMASTE