Day rain, my fav day my time of the year

Ohh the weather is fab these days, its getting a bit colder but not too cold. No sun in sight, beautiful clouds and trees preparing for fall. Some of the trees are half red a little yellow a little green. My kind of weather is coming and it makes me super excited. This is the time we arrived in US, its our one year US anniv which reminds me how much my view has changed about this place. It takes more than a few months to know who you wave to, who would smile back, what kind of people you want to be friends with, who you shouldn't even pay attention to. Life's sort of humbled down even more, we are eating simpler we sleep 10 to 5 in short we are getting older and wiser hopefully.

Hmm yoga yoga, its still challenging me. She keeps adding small routines of balances and strength which leaves me on the edge. What I have understood from my experience is the more you think about a pose, more you are bound to fail. Don't think about it, take the leap unless you are really tired. Breaks are equally important. Instead of trying to do every pose dying, do at least 3/4 smiling feeling every active muscle. Listen to your yoga teacher when she says push from the core or kick legs. It helps too. The correct form will be established as you get connected with your body. When you look at your gaze, focus on the hand or any one point. As you set down your mat, try to be the only one in your vision so you don't crumble. There will always be people who do better, we are not here to compete. Today our guide said the best thing ever, don't judge your practice don't praise your practice, just let it be here unbiased. Don't wait for benefits, am i getting thinner am i getting the glow, am i getting more balanced, did i do better, these questions are for nothing. Just keep practicing. Your body will let you know. Trust me.

After yoga and quick lunch, I headed out for walk, is it just me or trees leaves respond? Walking meditation is awesome, feel positive energy emanating from ground you walk on and give it back the same nurturing vibe it gives you. When you put steps in front of each other, count from 1 to 5 inhale exhale slowly then imagine you are walking on a beautiful lotus filling you with happiness and contentment. Its a perfect one, right down you feel high on nature's love.

I am gonna quickly make mushroom peas curry and try to focus on the job getting part. Lets see if these corporate towers will ever get me out. ;)

NAMASTE

Today is the day I meet my fav species

By fluke, one day all excitedly with no plans of submitting the application, I was filling one on seattle shelter volunteer and accidentally pressed send. I clearly have no idea what would be expected of me. People say its a huge load of work. To be honest, there might not be any cats dogs around for me to play with. It was super childish to just sign up to see dogs cats once in a while. But then every time a dog crossed my path, some thing would die in me. Not die, that was melodramatic. The kind of feeling when you really crave that form of love. In india, my chinese friend wei knew how to take care of animals, she would feed dogs cats take them to hospital even fostered a few puppies, got them permanent homes. I was her assistant, when she wasn't around , it was me walking around calling cats dogs. That was fun and the kind of activity both of us looked forward to. In the gist, got used to hanging around animals.

We even had a stray kitten lola staying with us for months. The initial stage of keeping  a pet is full of stress, cats learn so fast. First day itself she knew where to poop where to pee. It was incredible. So yeah my hunger to spend time with animals made me sign up. 6 month commitment could be a pain in the ass if my passion dies in first few weeks and then got to find job too. I wouldn't want to mess up too. The experience will either be a rewarding one or cowardly promise act. Its all negative self talk I do so when the actual thing happens, I am never disappointed.

I do hope it goes well.

Well, all done orientation was superb, they showed us cats dogs and happy families in presentations. If only they had real dogs and cats, I would have gone crazier. Explained aspect of jobs required of us. There were so many people who turned up for it, hmm most of them were for fosters which again is great. I signed up to work in shelter with cats, cats are my kind of people. Next tuesday is the day yay. 6 month is a big deal, assurance is you can change your timings according to your changing schedules. Ohh I can't wait to meet all those cuties and clean up their litter boxes ;)

Yoga class starts in an hour as usual. One day it will be yoga cats with me. My yoga class was awesome, people fringing frowning in mirrors, me just smiling with the flow and struggling with balance poses. As you keep taking classes, you stop looking around because now instructor's voice is more easy to follow. I love claudia , she knows how to push when to push when to correct poses and she smiles. If gym or extreme fitness was what people wanted, they should have gone cross fit. This hour of the day is for relaxation. Trust your body, trust your instincts, your body will tell you when it is ready for the plane pose or backbend. Most of the times my bends are messy, they involve lot of rocking and then she says be stable find your flow try to breathe and it helps.

Have you tried drinking beetroot carrot tomato soup, hmmm your body will love it and thank you next day. To go with it, take 4 slices of bread, add some grated garlic cheese salt spices and put in broiler for like 2 minutes. Wonderful and easy :)

So find teacher who inspires you, who motivates you in your way. Not everyone wants to get lectures and get pushed around like a bodybuilder. Now that I know the flow, sometimes knowingly I skip a few poses which is wrong but then it gets super difficult to stay with them in dizzy state. People were dying of heat yesterday, panting gasping for breaths so always drink up electrolytes.  Even if you know yoga, when you enter a new class, respect the session. I am always smiling and might even look like a freak but its my spirited time :)

NAMASTE

Day Monday strikes again :)

Weekend was a blast, weather was pure junkie, a little cold with no signs of sun till late in the noon. Fall is almost here. Finally a friend of ours got us out on fri eve to dry dim sum. It was heavenly, so simple and light. As we sat there gulping it in, both of us realized we were obviously missing out a part of life. The food destinations must be explored now to find our kind of healthy simple tasty meal. We took a little drink to go with it. After months, we dined out, sort of a new found once in a month hobby. I am not going to hit burger sandwich joints. Asian cuisines will rule our palate. Dessert bowled us over, it was red bean paste in steamed rice dumpling.

Next day again weather treated us so we walked to our favorite trail looking at trees losing leaves, different colors patterns shapes textures. If you pay attention to nature, nature rewards you with more depth and understanding of its life. Huge trees that stand tall have seen so many seasons, surpassed all the heat, cold phases and survived. The little ones so firmly hold on to their roots even the ones with two budding leaves. There is something about being on trail, walking alongside different trees, shrubs, flowers is purely refreshing. My husband had this random thought that if somehow without warning earthquake hits, he would still be happy and content leaving right then and there with me and him flying to other world from earth heaven.

We came back home, I sat up my yoga mat while he kind of napped for a while. For folks like me, company is important, we don't push enough on our own unless someone does it in front of us. On the other hand, he keeps doing tabata and crossing levels on his own. So yeah the high weekend begins with sativa day. It was perfect to step out, take walks adore plants dogs. He cooked shahi paneer which is easy but a little time consuming if you want to finish quickly. Guess what, instead of cream you can add almond soy milk.  Perfect curry, we got garlic naan from indian store so all set for the weekend.

Yay indica day came, we played business, shot bottles with our nerf guns. Never take sativa or indica if you are already tired. What I would recommend is take a nap if you woke up early. A couple told us they take hybrid choclate, guy feels too much buzz and has to sleep off. Well, he's already tired, his brain can't handle it on a physically tired structure. You don't waste your day too so better take less quantity around 5 in the evening , have fun till 10 and hit bed.

Not feeling a lot of indica buzz or the energy, in  a robotic way I entered yoga class after 2litres of water in. The trainer was doing poses with us which trust me helps so much. Still she wasn't pushing it much. If you have a bunch of mixed level students, you can't take too much balance or flexibility because there will be half of the things they couldn't follow. I have to take my practice to a more serious flowy focussed one. Enough time has passed, we need fire now to core up to challenge boundaries . Today another cool lady came, ohh god I swear she looked and talked exactly like a chinese friend of mine from chennai. For a while, she left me speechless. Watching her do yoga was so calming. Now that I see similar faces, I am getting smiles which boosts the experience. Who wants to straighten up tighten up all time. Its deliberate self torture.

My yoga needs more concentration now. Time to go up. Balance poses hmmm......

NAMASTE

Day chakrasana

As I sat outside my class waiting, trees were dancing with wind, almost telling me that you can be rooted strongly while in flow. Even the thinnest trunks hold great weights while leaves move with the air. Great lesson, another almost successful yoga class, as each class passes I am gaining more footing on ground, more confidence to at least try balance poses. Fear is the biggest obstacle and then there is heat and dizziness and sweat dripping from every inch of your body. Thank god Emergen C. What actually kind of surprised me was no one including teachers, proud proud students told me to drink up something before class. I see this couple sweating like crazy, for sure they are on it. Yoga teaches you to be kind too you know not just gaze focused strong. If americans or adapted version of them had any idea, their god would be shiva, the god of strength gaze focus. Yeah and thats a good thing. Jesus doesn't even fit the part.

So finally someone who couldn't handle heat joined who wasn't a fan of summer. Saw that poor thing gasping for water smiling innocently and still trying. She kind of looked like me just a little more stronger. Why would I put anyone in my category so people can either put me down or her or say I was trying to bring her down to my level. After 2 hours of mantras in the morning, all that went in my brain was om om hari ashtakam hehe instructor told me like 7 times to get back to normal poses. Lost in my own paradise. Hmm as new girl came out, patient me waited and told her she's flexible, she said of course I did yoga I knew she did practice before hmm yoga instinct no no yogi instinct. So yeah I chatted her up all to bring her to the conversation point where electrolyte suggestion came up. No one told me so really don't care if its not for her, just wanted to help her. People should know options so they don't struggle in first few classes. Look a week completion has made me so much more kinder.

And my biggest accomplishment I did backbend in its 60% form. It was great, she said it wasn't the right way but then the strength does come from within. Haha also when instructors say keep pushing this is 80% mental don't think anything, hmm yeah we are not thinking you know  we are just laying dying.

Jokes aside it was a wonderful day for me. Opened doors for people, got smiles people holding doors, you gain so much composure stability in your life.Its more than confidence, its self realization. You are not thinking too much of yourself or judging others, just existing in a plain happy state.  Appreciating the ground as you walk, thanks to the the walking meditation book, its lively, nature interacts with you, its almost a surreal high state.

After cooking pahadi dal ( do look it up, super healthy and yummy ), finally library got another chance. In my recent interview videos of Simon Borg Oliver, he mentioned some authors and books, unfortunately they were not in library so picked up a dalai lama book. My father has been asking me to read vivekananda or paramhansa books. He used to be an osho follower, we even had his photo in our house. But then we had asaram too, all the scandalous sex artists. I am not against them having sex, its just the lengths asaram went to, illegally raping girls and shutting off their parents.

We did a little pooja in front of tv, that is where videos of aartis are and its the best way. You see lyrics, you sing along enjoy it fully. Imagine when moms and dads would sing in non melodious methodical way. It was great but still this works better for me to concentrate. Whenever we celebrate diwali with others, they try to teach me the whole process of preparing for pooja, frankly I don't understand, there is no peace in there for me if we care too much about external factors like flowers and prasad. Instead for me just sitting in one corner left alone is way more spiritual. While we were singing in front of tv like modern know it alls ( self righteousness is a bitch ) he would stop singing in pauses, at the end he's like ohh I like listening to your voice more than hers. Hmmmmmmm love love, thanks krishna for giving me this fulfilling moment with him.

When people text us to meet, its scary, they are going to share work stories restaurant stories and the worst of them loud concert fun. So we take at least a day to answer, by that time they make other plans and we are off :)

Hmm another day another class going to start in an hour. Today two people called up, my sister and a friend of mine. Both of them are so stressed with relatives, my sister keeps complaining how much hers don't respect boundaries, in some indian households its unfortunately considered rude to keep your privacy. My friend is getting divorced, she wants him to pay for 8 years of marriage. I don't agree with her, he could be an asshole he evicted her he insulted her but if he is such a scum why would you want his money, why are you stalking him on facebook. I asked her if she does yoga, same answer at home hmm it doesn't work unless you trained for years, breathing calmness spirit to do more is more in a class. What she is doing is living in her own vicious circle of pain. To come out, just sign the papers and let him loose. Revenge will waste your time money energy and most of all your peace. Ohhh most of the people call me to vent out which is never exhausting because most of the times I am not paying attention. Its like you know the practical solution and so decide to not honor their painful journey. They  must hate me.


NAMASTE
Quieter you become, more you can hear :)

Day I saw more than 5 stars ;)

As I write this post, spirituality is kicking every nook n corner of my mind, this song is plugged in and its heavenly. Today is lord krishna's birthday, of course it was celebrated in my home, more than celebration or how to do prayers ritually, focus was on mantras, chanting them with full devotion. No one was forced to sit for an hour, do what your heart pleases even if its for 5 minutes. So here's my song for today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEyvAZOvADw
Go to the last song raghupati raghav raja ram

The gist is you can follow any god, have that faith that kindness that peace in you and happiness will follow. Its so surreal, brings back my childhood memories of my mom singing along with it. Ohh, home sickness hits you when you almost have deja vu moments like gosh I am acting like my mom. Its true though, we are all looking for meaning in fake cars goggles mobiles branded my some person. Don't really do that. Just find your soul, its inexpensive to look for. I don't see any real happiness on yelp or twitter. Its like you are a hamster running that wheel for no apparent reason, you are still the fat hamster with nothing.

Never frequented temples because god would never ask me to travel all the way. He's right here, that consciousness that every living thing has its with us. We as humans are the protectors of nature, when they say shiva its when you want the element of fierceness so you call out the nature's force to merge with you. There is no form of god, as salt goes in water and it can't be separated similarly god lives with us and temple is just a place where you mingle. There are places with higher energy forms, earlier temples were built on that, that energy source of tranquility. So if you do go to a temple, I  would suggest iskcon, just sit in the corner and meditate.

Haha drugs alcohol and all of  a sudden spirituality. My childhood was pretty awesome, we didn't travel a lot, we didn't attend too many weddings or cousins but we were really happy just the four of us and still we are when we meet. All of the credit definitely goes to my parents, they raised us cool and all we strive for is happiness and peace. Its like your gps was fixated on it. So when we started living together, I wasn't so happy as he would get angry snap back, now he's so much like me. We are like each other just living in peace. Frankly if this world crumbles, it would kill me shake me off my base and throw me off. No matter how many buddhism books I read, hinduism will be my religion.

Made chow chow curry with dal and stir fried sprouts for dinner. It didn't taste great but soo good for your stomach. We finished dinner by 8 so we decided to walk off, weather was warm and I saw stars, so many of them. Stars moon call me like come to us, its so magical up here. Haha gotta get that lake house with starry sky :) Whenever we talk to my in laws, I like them but they try to pull us in that worldly chatter of relatives travelling, even their plans of visiting cities kind of trouble me. Pretty sure we will get divorced if they live with us. Don't mess with my peace.

My yoga class was pretty cool yesterday, just miss that mantras and peace in the class. I am so gonna make my own yoga room with everything. To end this one, I am gonna add another peaceful favorite one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSiXhe8Rq08

NAMASTE

Yoga and wine do mix ;)

I am not gonna shun alcohol just because I started practicing yoga, alcohol has been an integral part of my life for 7 years now. Going to lengths to avoid all the crunchy snacks, replacing them with healthier better ones. The integral word is pretty much the description. It helped us bond, from cocktails to neat whiskey, do you even see the effort to develop taste. All of you casual drinkers know how much it is important to have it at least once in a week. So no nada naha wine was and will continue to be a part of our routine with salad and nuts. No celebration, no dancing has ever been more fun without it, it just liberates you from the stares and judgement your mind puts up on you.

After yoga I made a quick salad prep, saw more videos my Simon Borg. He's amazing, you can see how sorted how at peace he is. This one is not as refined as the last one but it surely teaches us a thing or two.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWdPZAJv0Lc

I am really impressed how he approaches yoga, its not how we all are doing it in our hot yoga studios, rushing through poses, not giving enough breaks to body, chatting up after shavasana. Its not cool how we torture our bodies in name of peace through power yoga. Why didn't I start learning earlier, hmm it breaks my heart on how much time was wasted when I could have given time for this inherent experience and discipline.

My husband is really tired these days, he needs a different profession something that excites him to wake up and go through his routine, this might break him, we need a vacation asap. He came home, we drank took our salad and day over with banshee finale.

If you do yoga on a daily basis, my recommendation would be to make a yoga room, get some music mantras, a few guided videos. That will give you 200% of benefit.


NAMASTE

Day random events, R rated ;)

Heehaahaa you know all those hollywood movies, songs, they are all teasers to fake US. I mean in all my stay here, I never for once saw a couple passionately doing it on the sidewalk. Never a proposal or a quickie in bus. Its so overrated what they show, firefighters are not hot , construction workers have old people, all bikers are fat and wrinkly and make too much noise with their stupid dragging bikes. Royal american blood has been thinned by immigrants, either we made them more conscious or they were like this. There is this comedy movie plane which was made in 70s, that has so much more explicit content than today's stupid R rated movies.

This is the age of the nerdy, superhero movies manga anime real life stories, where is the genre sexy erotic, ohh yeah it is reserved for adult entertainment or sad actors who express it by showing their ass out to the world. Why the fuck would they show ben affleck's ass. That was so traumatizing on different levels. Whats worse than no fucking scene is a sad fuck that shows only a guy's ass. Where is modern version of american pie? Don't tell me its mike and dave need wedding dates or dirty grandpa. Better try lampoon's dirty jokes movie. Why am I talking about all this dark content here ? Hmm because finally, we saw a window fuck. It was pretty boring, guy was doing less girl was like this pillow princess. I guess Europe will give us better peeks. And then they cuddled more than they fucked. Gosh you must be thinking, what a bunch of sick perverts looking in other people's life, well they put it out and at least there is some action in our area. Well, we live in a conservative part of US so that could be the reason for lesser incidents.


After yoga yesterday, it was awesome all day. Ohh never felt better. I tried to study which wasn't so rewarding, there is always people with way more knowledge. Its like I am competing in wrong field. Anyways a few weeks back, my husband was like we should have veggies and dal too in the same meal, haha me being the lazy me I decided to boil dal and mixed veg with dal in it. So you see I just make one curry and it has veggies and dal, full of nutrition and way less effort. I don't have to focus on the cooking lentil part because its just going as a filler. Always optimizing for less time in cooking. Try it with parathas and raita. Its pretty awesome if you add garam masala. I could post my recipes but it needs to be explained which frankly is a painful article. Never saw myself as a tarla dalal anyways.

From sex to cooking to idiot box, never ever see a crime series just before sleeping. We are seeing banshee right now, it started off lame but kind of caught us in its violence and lust.  Sometimes it gets very difficult for me to sleep right after tv, I am not tired enough from yoga, heat buzz isn't the calorie meter and crime scenes keep coming in dreams, getting older is a process of major inconvenience. I should start gym or swimming or running along with yoga, that will be good. Lets add it from next week, by that time I should be super comfortable with yoga. Have you ever tried adding flax seeds and pine nuts to your cereal, very very healthy and easy, just use your fingers take it out from tupperware(india ka fav brand;)) box and boom spread it on milk. ;) This is the most I can write in the name of recipe.

P.S.: YOGA lady facts : Yoga removes pms and aids in digestion.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQGRi1jSHCE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBXhcBhAE3A


Just finished my yoga class another fine experience, some teachers narrate with presumption that everybody knows, thank god someone knows so I can copy time to time. Corner mirror thing is good but it gets really difficult when you are the last one to turn, especially for newbies like me. Day by day I feel less exhausted, today when everyone was panting and exhausted, I walked around like it was nothing. Too much energy from emergen c I guess. These two videos on yoga are really nice, the first one is all about peaceful practice, he couldn't have put it better. Its super super inspiring, do watch it. The second one is on how to do backbend properly.

The problem with fit flexible teenagers in US is they can do every freaking pose instinctively, for people like me narration has to be really slow, otherwise I go wait where did the left hand go, over shoulder right leg confuzzled. Almost everyone in my class does extra stretch, some people do so much before beginning of class, it looks like a waste.If you can pull of every pose in class with ease, challenge yourself move to a harder level. For me, relaxing going with flow being at ease worked. One backbend and one leg stretch aside, its not going bad for me till now. After this, I do want to move on to ashtanga or vinayasa yoga :) Lets see

NAMASTE

Indica day with yoga buzz: awesome :)

http://www.claudiayoga.com/2010/11/32-unusual-ways-to-improve-yoga-practice/


I stumbled upon this article, its really good. It answered all my questions on improving my practice. Hope it helps. The zen is finally in sight. Ohh yeah it is, that nothingness with peace and calm is all over me today. That is how you know your yoga is going in the right direction.

Going a little back to my weekend, we experimented with indica this time, the relaxation was the need. Also if you have to go for work on monday, you can't have sativa and go with sativa leftover buzz. I really have no idea if there is a synonym of buzz and starting sentences without using I or and. Haha my vocab needs some upgrade. There are a few videos that look super awesome when you are high. Some of them include ukraine's got talent anastasia pole dance, britain's got talent alex magala tumar k r, indian kathak dance on like a light bollywood number, your own old photos videos, youtube slo mo bros compilation videos especially the fireball one and of course 3d 4k wildlife documentaries. Amazing stuff out there to just lean back and enjoy. If I ever get 100 views on this post, I might think of posting all my favorite videos, till then its just junk in this huge world wide web of bullshit money earning propoganda.

Then moving on to my personal best yoga class, today I was determined to not feel unprepared so I bought emergen c and had it almost 1 hour before my yoga class along with 2 litres of water and walnuts, almonds and leftover yummy cheese onion egg sandwich. Its such a treat when you are high. And it worked, the nutrient part where you sweat less focus more.

Also, I decided not to work with the crowd in center. I felt watched and watched people, got all conscious and tried too much. Today I decided to look in a few articles and every single one of them said, yoga is not a competition, see it as a flow, do what you can do and then push after asking your body. Our instructor was gary olson and he was the best till now. So me being me segregated myself from crowd, took my yoga mat to the corner of room and took one mirror with my gaze my focus. This way I only looked at the instructor if I didn't understand him. He was super nice, pushed me to make my glances straight, get my balances. The right instructor can leave you in so much peace and admiration of this practice. Sweat rolled down but I felt charged and energized. So take your electrolytes, emergen c whichever you are okk with. It works guys, no heat buzz today no tiring, just a cloud of peace on me. Feel super fortunate today.

NAMASTE !!!!!

Day something sun and laser

Power Yoga is definitely the toughest thing I did, my life is struggle free what can I do. I never had to walk, people got me cabs. So yeah it is hard in that studio balancing correcting poses with dying fatigue. The cliche is foreigners do it so much better when we the inventors of yoga fail. They pull off poses at ease, even the new ones can do far ahead than me. It could be that they are more athletic more focused more goal driven. I don't care, I just have to survive this 30 day course and then move on to other forms of yoga that need more skills.

After every class, its like my body was stripped of nutrients. I feel lifeless, take 2 hour naps and still heat exhaustion won't end. Then I spotted this lady drinking 2 litres of electrolyte sports drink, hmm your body is sweating away your potassium and some of the required salts. You have to replenish, what was I thinking walking in unprepared. Get a good electrolyte solution whichever you find good enough and then go. This trial will occur from monday so till then I don't know if its even going to work or my fragile body will fail me again and again.  Bikram yoga is so much about heat, power yoga is better if you do wanna practice yoga poses. Also I feel, they never tell you why you are doing what pose, its just a sequence for them, there is no whatsoever spiritual inclination, music. Gotta find an indianized studio. 

Today I did same steps without heat in home and guess what, its super easy, whatever you can't do because of flexibility there you can't do at home too. Heat just adds up as  a challenge. Otherwise, its not even a 100 calorie workout, Its a hobby some sadhu's fat wife practiced. They say yogis are fitter if you do proper yoga, they might me doing a lot of other things like running diet practice or even cleansing detoxing. Anyways, lets get to the fun part. 

We decided to see this laser show, so I napped made some sandwiches because healthy taste seeking vegetarians get nothing outside that is not over priced. Laser show was okk, its been the same for 20 years. Its in places like these you realize you are a third world country born and bred. Teenagers come there for dating, adults come with kids and geeks to listen to old songs. It wasn't that great, there is so much potential in laser. They should try more songs patterns but then for the price it was kinda worth it. Still when we dated, it was just ccd or mall or lake or movies, the organization the care with which they made their country is amazing. We sat on grass, listened to a concert it was peaceful after sunset. Before that, the sun was killing me with yoga buzz already there, to top it we had cider. Deadly combo thanks to my juice shop downstairs for kale buzz pollen drink I didn't die.

 As we headed back in nice cool air conditioned bus( I love US thank god america) two girls sat and started talking so loudly and so much to blabber, how do people get so much energy to just talk continuously, it astonishes me. I hate it, stop talking, stop moving, stop just get out of bus and get smashed over. I hate the world when sun kills me with rays. Indians and other country people always talk on phone loudly in buses. Stop that too. And all others stop talking so loudly, ever heard of whispering or considering other people around who are not interested or chatty like you. Americans are like punjabis in train.

One more thing that's incomprehensible for me is how americans raise kids, they do it so well, do they have a training mechanism, what the fuck is so correct there

Hmm sometimes I wonder if junkies develop allergies to smoke heat. Whenever we cook, he gets headache even when its plain 20 min khichdi.  Laser show saved me from getting high on friday, gave me almost satisfying sleep to wake up on saturday like a normal functioning couple. Ohh, after so many days I actually woke up free on weekend and felt not so stressed. The thing with drugs is, next day you do feel a little hook up and craving, as soon as you take it again you feel good. Thats what made us take it 3 days in a row and monday would be a waste. My fitness suffers a great deal from overeating and getting just 4 days to workout. I don't do gym sat sun, its something I never did, seemed unimportant.

If you have never tried, try making punjabi khichdi sheetal sethi recipe, its amazingly tasty. 

Over and out. 

Day 7: Hmm wine and yoga don't go together

Finally, I started looking up youtube videos to restart my career, it kind of sucks to have to put so much effort to work even harder years ahead. Yoga was supposed to be my saving grace, hell its gonna take a full teacher training with 4000$ and voice modulation, competition is way more than any other field.

It was a study day. Then my mom called up, haha warned me not to get too thin and get a job asap. I think she is more into the getting respect because my daughter has a job, she worries too much sometimes, advises a lot which I kind of always ignore. The moment she compared me to this free fella taking money for his family from his parents I was done. Anyways earning money is super important now to support my luxury yoga lifestyle. For me, its just about money. I never really considered people with jobs above me. Seriously never ever it could bother me. The reason could be me doing projects that others didn't have time for. I saved animals, made life long friends, got fitter sharper and my life is so much peaceful. In yoga when they say declutter your mind, mine is already there. There is nothing wrong in working, just don't take it to level where you forget to eat sleep exercise socialize have fun. If you are constantly thinking about codes money deadlines you need help. Ohh I need just enough money to sail me through, this is one of the reasons I don't want kids. They eat up all the wealth.

Enough of my teachings, we decided to have wine yesterday, I made pea paratha and waited. Pea paratha and wine imagine. Meanwhile, instead of waiting upstairs I decided to go down, listen to kala chashma song get my beer and enjoy breeze. Ohh heavenly cool. An older indian couple passed by two times made faces, this time of the year is parents time for indians. Summers duh. They don't hold doors, increase awkwardness in lifts, smiling is a crime and look all curled up way too proud like their kid actually designed spaceship to Mars. We avoid them as much as possible and never invite our parents because its super inconvenient to handle drugs, alcohol , diet with people hovering around.

Alcohol somehow makes him a little too debating which is so against my nature. Haha I am gonna ditch this habit soon. Too old to handle it now. Whole night of half sleep, tossing around, stomachache, woke up at 5am :( There is a silver lining though, I saw full moon in morning right outside our huge glass wall. Its like someone magnified it. Gosh, it was beautiful. Charged me up for the day. What I love the most about mornings are dog walks, I should do that. Ohh this cute labrador puppy chloe came to me, my heart goes out, its the kind of feeling you get when you want something badly. Whenever I see people mishandling dogs or just pulling them, I feel unfortunate that someone like me can't have them but undeserving hoard gets all the love.

I called up my sister, its been 2 months since I got hold of her. She lives in a different timezone,works a lot. We gossiped like sisters do, how fitness is so difficult to achieve as you age, how people who are still eating will laugh at us when we get fat and how all our relatives are super stupid and ignorant. She's lost in her married world, barely gets time to talk so it was good we got time.

Moving on, vaccumed cleaned up finished chapati curd took less water than usual studied and headed up for yoga class. Today's yoga class was super tough, I almost fainted, not because of heat or poses, wine friends wine dehydration malnutrition. So if you have a yoga class, never drink the night before, it kills yoga day. Also, if a yoga class has just 4 people its super challenging hehe because everyone knows what you don't know. In our yoga session, three of us were following this crazy expert and she did some pose wrong, everyone did wrong hahaha it was hilarious. Gaze to the mirror fuck hehe. With a little time, I will start more focus balance. Till then, I am trying. Whole body hurts. Power yoga is much tougher than bikram yoga. Always hydrate, drink at least 1.5 litre in morning. Eat a lot of super healthy food, you need strength. Yoga is not a joke. Trust me I fainted almost. ;)

Over and out. 

Day 6 now I am confused

So day 6 was a bit of a decision making day, should I join hot yoga should I may be step back like I always do. Hmmm so to make up for lost yoga class, dailyburn tabata kicked in, ohh dailyburn looks like a slo mo of beachbody workouts. It was perfect workout. Well, I get anxious but I am not a loser. If you ever feel like you are not just fit enough or agile enough, follow through beachbody shaun t insanity. This one is like a beast in training. Its sooooo good it makes you proud. To lose my thigh fat, beachbody was the only one that actually helped. Yoga is just a pacifier, you have to work out run jog beachbody dailyburn swimming crossfit, pick your other tool too.

Continuing, now onwards I am gonna write the events till the moment I decide to post so I don't forget anything. Yeah tabata done, its way too hot for me to go out in sun. If you are in shade, weather is so cool. But you don't really find shade easily. Moving on, my kitchen forced me to step out to buy flour rice etc etc. I have a rule, I never buy fruits from indian supermarket, they are just for things you never get in US supermarkets.  Caught bus, bought everything, cursed myself for hot sun. Is it just me or people here are getting rude, inconsiderate and kind of turning into asians? Hehe sorry but come on crowd is changing, there are people not in queue, not giving space to old fellas, old fellas hating everyone else, crossing roads in middle of traffic, honking cars and so many homeless. Its like I am seeing a degraded version of US, we came when the ship was already sinking. One of the reasons I don't want to work in IT is I would never get the chance to be happier. Such a selfish wifey ;)

Came back from market all weight on my tiny folded shoulders, never ever pick weights unless you really have to. It damages our tissues, its just not cool. Made quick palak paneer, found out that there is indian grocery delivery, again slapped myself for getting tortured. I am set now though, safeway delivers indian grocery delivers. ohhh those long grueling hours of heat or cold or frustrated indian wives are over. What is with me and indian wives, have you ever seen an american making a face like we do. We do right. We look like someone forced us to work, to drive, to cook, to have kids, to run around. Noone did, so be happy look happy. Look at the depressed soul advising.

Hmm finished my book on buddhism zen which kind of confused me, it wasn't a good book. It was just plain, what he wrote in whole book could have been summarized in 4 sentences. Got to find better books and job. Gosh, gotta find a job so bad so bad. Sunlight gave me headache so I popped one excedrin, haha these medicines are so comforting, you fall asleep quickly and wake up after 9 hours of full on relaxation. Its awesome.

He is working too much these days, goes at 8 comes back by 6, goes for 2 gym sessions, constantly his mind is occupied. Its scaring me. You can't do anything unless the other person realizes too. Made quick parathas, I was sorted . There is never much work when its just two people. Finished breakfast and checked yoga session. It is high time I do something for my body or it will just lose pace, so without thinking a lot, I just went in, showed my groupon, and signed up for the month long class.

Second yoga class was awesome, heat doesn't bother you that much, of course I took longer breaks but its all about fluidity. And the moment she said you are a natural hehe I could do hand stand ;) Nah I hope I can some day in future.

So yeah its always better with time. Okk signing off to eat lunch. More update tomorrow.

Day 5 : Sluggish one

Mondays are the worst, they just sweep right in after a whole 2 day fest of awesomeness. Reminding us we all need to clock in clock out so the fake currency can go to our virtual accounts in numbers. When I was young, I would keep all my money with me in my locker at home. Now it sounds so logical, why the hell and how the hell banks convinced people to keep their hard earned bucks with them. To top it, people decided to go with shares investments funds houses  gosh we are all over complicated creatures stuck in this superficial corporate evil world. We will not make it and the kids we are raising will be the sufferers too. All of us are hoarders, hoarding away for no calamity in sight.

Coming to point, change vision of my 30 day course, Monday started off really slow like super snail speed slow. I couldn't figure out what to do, what to cook, what to eat. It was random nothing. Got up, cooked lunch for him which again was somehow terrible. He kept thanking me for my concern. He never wants to leave me, the morning when he starts for office I see this not so satisfied with job look on his face. In the evening, as soon as he enters, his face lights up, grabs me asks how my day was when in fact he is the one who went out :) I guess we should buy that farm on the lake and become farmers.

Then I looked up my yoga class online and decided to try without heat. Well, it sucks, its nothing, I didn't even feel anything. It was more instructions, less poses less effort , heat adds to your struggle in hot yoga. What I don't understand is why can't they balance it off, like a little less heat and more yoga to learn. The whole sequence of bikram yoga steps is super easy, I can perfect it in max 4 classes. So I am gonna switch up to power hot yoga, lets see if thats a challenge. Yoga has become a profession, it used to be about more. When you are struggling with heat and balance, I don't see how spiritual aspect benefits. This is the critical me talking to avoid classes but groupon will push me.:)

My usual timepass corners are movies. To clean it up, I go for the movies with a little teaching a little reality so I can justify my waste of time. I saw movie waiting by kalki and naseeruddin shah, Hmm its an okk one. It does kind of evoke your love for your spouse, puts you through their life imagining how much would you really be willing to wait when life hangs through thread.
Ohh then I stumbled upon the most recent famous one, SAIRAT yeah the marathi blockbuster. Sadly, it was disappointing, its full of cliches. He could have directed better, he underestimated our intelligence and filled 3 hours with chase and violence and teenage love. I understand these things happen but when did love become such a big thing where even without living with or talking to a person, you decide to put your life and family in jeopardy. Life is much more valuable than few flings. Parents should let their kids have teenage romances heartbreaks so they know its not life, its just a part of this journey we are all taking. Look at me, last week I was fake depressed now I am life motivational speaker.

I didn't even pick my buddhism book on monday. Tuesday is going to be a little more fruitful, lets hope. I am kind of thinking to become volunteer in seattle humane. Lets see how that works. Yoga teachers are too many;) Have you heard of these comfort zone challenges? I think I might try them.

Day 3 and 4 : The weekend

Today I woke up thinking if I kind of over estimated my depression. Anything to inspire I guess. So the weekend was fab, the perfect one where we didn't step out of home, picked up food from the nearest quickest indian place which happens to be .1 miles :)

So the weekend started of on friday, I was super excited with my new found yoga passion. Well, its might be too early to call it a passion but then who's reading my blogs. Our weekends are defined by seattle's pot rules. If its a holiday, we are getting high. Yep, to put everything together, cannabis yoga and my husband's love keep my spirits up. Ohh don't hate me, I eat them in chocolates form which is almost not so harmful. If you have never gotten high in life, try it, its freeing, it liberates you and your thoughts. Then see sadhguru videos, haha it will transform you into a super peaceful person. And a glutton because hunger kicks in like crazy.

I have seen enough of sadhguru videos, so I have to find something new always. Well, korean works, we saw the thieves movie followed by k pop music. Is it just me or korean women are the most beautiful creatures on earth?

Same cycle goes on, you get high, you order indian food, omg try kabuli naan with kashmiri kofte. Hmmmmmm, thats something to look for. I tried making lotus root and failed miserably. At least nailed the simaiya part, semi sweet milk pudding with vermicelli. Its super easy. What I would change about the cycle is constant eating.

Foods you must eat when high

Indian food- try kabuli naan with kashmiri kofte and rice kheer
Caramel popcorn
Pancakes with lots of fruits
Indian store- moong dal halwa, gajar halwa
Rice and chickpea curry
Rice and mixed lentils khichdi
Crispy lettuce sandwich with cheese and mixed veg patty in green chutney
Peeled carrots
Shakes and smoothies
Coconut water
Mango or coconut or pista icecream
Greek yogurt, different flavors
Pizza with pineapple paneer mushroom curry ( make at home with wholefoods base and curry recipe)
Sweet potato fries
Coconut waffles

Just keep drinking water when you are high, that should save you from other side effects. I try to avoid fried food and I am a vegetarian so most of the delicious tempting stuff is out of my list.

Yep this was my weekend, I avoided sun. There are two major documentaries, that I saw and would definitely recommend. Number one is the beginning of life, other one is the fittest man on earth cross fit games. Do see these for that extra ounce of motivation. An older one was Earthlings, gosh it made me cry like I was the one who did it all wrong. The last one of my favorites that I remember right now would be the blackfish documentary.

Thats all for the weekend update, I will be back with more tomorrow.

Day 2 of change

Woke up really anxious as how I would conduct myself in yoga class, am i gonna pop my knees or will i faint in that 100 degrees mark or worse late for class. Me being me checked out their website  for rules in class, what to carry, what not to do, when to talk, when not to, what to wear ohhh blah blah I even rehearsed my Bikram yoga steps.

Okk so he left for work, I still had 2 hours till yoga, cleaned up kitchen washroom threw trash even did laundry all by 9 in the morning, ate something. Anything to keep me busy. Then laid out my bag with swimsuit so I can go for a swim after yoga. Took my mat, towel, water, packed everything precisely and yeah headed for the mission yoga. Decided to go with my over covered t shirt legging stuff, no matter how hot it gets I am just not comfortable unless fully clad. No I am not a muslim, this happens when you grow up in a small city. To this day, I don't find dresses shorts comfortable which is not a big issue. Clothing doesn't define us, thankfully there is one aspect that doesn't really bother me in life. I can go around wearing oldest jeans and still be me.

Sounds stupid right, someone putting so much effort for one class. So I show up, ask all the necessary questions where shoes go , she shows me around, all cool. I wait for the class to start, honestly it was fucking hot and seemed insane. I imagined it a little colder but yeah hot yoga. Waiting impatiently for class to start,I  must have walked in and out around 8 times, going washroom washing face, reciting you can do this  haha what a nervous wreck.

Class starts, well it was difficult following instructions, there is that language barrier no matter how much you claim you know English . Your mother tongue is the one you actually understand even when you sleep. The instructor helped me out, thanks to my yogi mom I pulled off almost all the poses except a few balance and heat strokes and breaks, I did wonderful on my scale. Hmmm as soon as the word shavasana was said, I relaxed. Hehe to be honest, I kept looking around copying people following instructions. At the end of it, it was meditative even though it was super intense.

Of course I laid there till I heard people leaving, I can't be the first one to leave can I. Yeah stepped out, felt a rush of heat to brain and decided to chill it out in lounge area. If there is one lesson  I have learned in my life and imbibed like truly is never fear questions. So I asked a few classmates how long they have been into it, told them my name's meaning which they didn't even ask. I get away with my cute looks I guess. They applauded my first day victory, I  appreciated them and made exit before anyone could feel bored or over talked to.

Ohh it was awesome and relaxing tiring in its own way.


Then my swimming plan failed as there were kids in the pool, kids are not cool when they come in my way ;)

Okk all charged up I called up my husband and he picked. Told him all about it, he listened patiently in office hehe he does love me a lot like super super lot. He promised he's gonna give his gym a break and drop in for yoga.

Then I headed up to library, gotta study to get a job gals. Yoga doesn't pay, it actually takes money. Tried a lot to stick to programming isle but buddhism reeled me in. Finished reading two books in 3 hours and got one to read back in home. If you have never tried, find this book called walking meditation, its superb. It might change your life you know.

Gotta cook, my vocabulary sucks it kinda doesn't evolve.

I am gonna write day 3 and day 4 of weekend together .  Have a great weekend.

Day 1 of change

Hmm I really never expected going online and posting my 30 day trip to stay out of depression. But you know what it helps.

As soon as I was done with post, I decided to sign up for hot yoga class, cliche right. So yeah I did, it took ounces of courage to do that. Ask why, because people have anxiety issues and some of us just can't walk anywhere they please. We prep up, we rehearse our questions our responses everything an imaginary conversation can contribute to.

Again I couldn't just sit whole day and wait for the class to start, called up a friend and went over to meet her , a simple conversation with some honest friends can perk you up. It did, her 7 month old son was the best to talk to. Kids are so pure and innocent, when they like you they just do. There is no pretentiousness about it. Talking to adults is difficult, all the costco money house talks bore me. On my way to apartment, I met this old guy who told be I should check out library a block away. Well, I gotta study so yeah why  not.  Back to home all energized I made my own version of soup and garlic bread recipe I copied from google.

My husband came, we saw a korean movie welcome to dongmakgol. If you have not seen this one, do check it out, bawled my heart out. There is something about korean cinema that just touches your heart's deepest emotions. Then I saw hwayi the monster boy, again do see this. Got all praised for soup n bread. Slept tossing and turning wondering how yoga would be, see the anxious me kicks in again.

Peace Vanished :( 30 day plan starts

Lately I have not been so peaceful, my mind runs wild, I have a thousand directions I want to move in and not a single one is bit inspiring. I feel lost and alone, its one of those standpoints where you either sink or swim your way to shore. Well it could be because now I am given the license to work and I haven't worked in years which gives me the chills. My fitness regime is in a mess too. One more depressing part is I have no friends to talk to so yeah my life sucks in this moment. Its way too hot outside to walk it out and the feeling of insignificance won't go away.

My blog is never gonna pay enough to support me. My career never stood a chance, never ever focused on that part of my life. Life was full, I had no hours to kill, I just had everything. Now he works a lot, leaves early in morning comes by 7 which gives me a huge amount of time to sit and ponder on nothingness of my existence. Hmm, I sound so sad and gone, people are probably gonna get me in a mental ward.

All I have to do is find something I am at least a bit passionate about. But then who's going to wait and sponsor my trials in my 30s. What the hell is wrong with me, where is the god damn zeal? Where is that stupid fire people keep talking about? I don't want to work in stressed environment which is super selfish of me. Its like telling my husband that its okk for him to develop IT stress. Hmm buying a house inviting parents having kids getting car, almost every adult thing in this world needs money. Youtube videos teach you nothing unless you go and seek a teacher. What is it that I am good at I just don't know. There is no motivation for me to earn money, never quite bugged me. When I see other people, its so worthless what I do.

USA gave me happiness, as time passes though I find myself more lonely and introvert. Its like the whole shine is gone, now I see it how it is. I get anxious, I feel nostalgic, I feel bored and deprived somehow.

Gosh depression hits me every 3 years and makes me miserable. I start seeing things, scary dreams plunge in, worst in people comes out. Even optimistic talks are like daggers. Trust me, this is not a safe zone I am approaching.

Okk so I have decided I am gonna kick it this time, I am gonna write down everything exciting I did in the day. Well exciting for me boring for you. Lets see if I do find my passion and fitness back. Hmmm  god help me. 30 days plan kicks in today. My focus is going to be on studying exploring jobs and finding my fitness regime.