Lately I have not been so peaceful, my mind runs wild, I have a thousand directions I want to move in and not a single one is bit inspiring. I feel lost and alone, its one of those standpoints where you either sink or swim your way to shore. Well it could be because now I am given the license to work and I haven't worked in years which gives me the chills. My fitness regime is in a mess too. One more depressing part is I have no friends to talk to so yeah my life sucks in this moment. Its way too hot outside to walk it out and the feeling of insignificance won't go away.
My blog is never gonna pay enough to support me. My career never stood a chance, never ever focused on that part of my life. Life was full, I had no hours to kill, I just had everything. Now he works a lot, leaves early in morning comes by 7 which gives me a huge amount of time to sit and ponder on nothingness of my existence. Hmm, I sound so sad and gone, people are probably gonna get me in a mental ward.
All I have to do is find something I am at least a bit passionate about. But then who's going to wait and sponsor my trials in my 30s. What the hell is wrong with me, where is the god damn zeal? Where is that stupid fire people keep talking about? I don't want to work in stressed environment which is super selfish of me. Its like telling my husband that its okk for him to develop IT stress. Hmm buying a house inviting parents having kids getting car, almost every adult thing in this world needs money. Youtube videos teach you nothing unless you go and seek a teacher. What is it that I am good at I just don't know. There is no motivation for me to earn money, never quite bugged me. When I see other people, its so worthless what I do.
USA gave me happiness, as time passes though I find myself more lonely and introvert. Its like the whole shine is gone, now I see it how it is. I get anxious, I feel nostalgic, I feel bored and deprived somehow.
Gosh depression hits me every 3 years and makes me miserable. I start seeing things, scary dreams plunge in, worst in people comes out. Even optimistic talks are like daggers. Trust me, this is not a safe zone I am approaching.
Okk so I have decided I am gonna kick it this time, I am gonna write down everything exciting I did in the day. Well exciting for me boring for you. Lets see if I do find my passion and fitness back. Hmmm god help me. 30 days plan kicks in today. My focus is going to be on studying exploring jobs and finding my fitness regime.
My blog is never gonna pay enough to support me. My career never stood a chance, never ever focused on that part of my life. Life was full, I had no hours to kill, I just had everything. Now he works a lot, leaves early in morning comes by 7 which gives me a huge amount of time to sit and ponder on nothingness of my existence. Hmm, I sound so sad and gone, people are probably gonna get me in a mental ward.
All I have to do is find something I am at least a bit passionate about. But then who's going to wait and sponsor my trials in my 30s. What the hell is wrong with me, where is the god damn zeal? Where is that stupid fire people keep talking about? I don't want to work in stressed environment which is super selfish of me. Its like telling my husband that its okk for him to develop IT stress. Hmm buying a house inviting parents having kids getting car, almost every adult thing in this world needs money. Youtube videos teach you nothing unless you go and seek a teacher. What is it that I am good at I just don't know. There is no motivation for me to earn money, never quite bugged me. When I see other people, its so worthless what I do.
USA gave me happiness, as time passes though I find myself more lonely and introvert. Its like the whole shine is gone, now I see it how it is. I get anxious, I feel nostalgic, I feel bored and deprived somehow.
Gosh depression hits me every 3 years and makes me miserable. I start seeing things, scary dreams plunge in, worst in people comes out. Even optimistic talks are like daggers. Trust me, this is not a safe zone I am approaching.
Okk so I have decided I am gonna kick it this time, I am gonna write down everything exciting I did in the day. Well exciting for me boring for you. Lets see if I do find my passion and fitness back. Hmmm god help me. 30 days plan kicks in today. My focus is going to be on studying exploring jobs and finding my fitness regime.
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