Hmm phase 2 of meditation sucks

Phase 1 is the best one always. It started with someone suggesting raja yoga meditation, b k shivani and her videos and sadhguru, ohh if only that phase continued all my life. It was so damn peaceful. Most of my life has been in this reckless, laidoff buzz, never really shouted or even felt anger as an emotion. To me, it was super peaceful and happy. Nothing bothered me nothing, money food clothes nothing literally well except relatives.

Now in the initial stages of meditation, my life turned into a dream. I over loved it all. Even relatives part disappeared from my life. Those walks, smiles aah.  Gosh, but dreams are just dreams. 

Phase 2 of this one is anger, a lot of anger. The only emotion I never really experienced. I am angry like hulk level angry, so angry I want to chop off people's head if I get the dagger from bahubali. And because I have never felt this, I really have no idea how to express it. Previous me just pretended to listen if some one complained or even raised voice, this me starts cursing in mind, this me just wants to make a dramatic exit, this me hates being called lazy or irresponsible or even being blamed or taught or told that my life is so fairylike,   this me just likes to be alone because anyone can make me angry or anxious. Its like walking on a minefield. I am trapped in this phase of hulk.All the hurtful words just stay with me for days. Even whatsapp conversations get to me, like why would she lie why would he blame me why won't they understand why is she so clingy. All I want to do is scream or cry but even that doesn't happen easily.  Worst part, can't express it easily, never really did it. I feel like people are trying to walk all over me, like its been happening all my life and this is the time to just shrug every single being off. Suddenly, I feel unloved and worthless and just lonely. Imagine me feeling lonely unheard like a housewife, aah god I loved being with me all by myself, just me hanging out with no feelings and a lot of fun.

 Hmm don't worry too much, this is just a phase. 

So obviously I googled. This can't be my natural state. It had to be meditation. Yep, it is. Apparently, when you start meditation and get a bit deeper into it, mind starts releasing different layers slowly. Its not like one moment you will be happy other moment you will be angry, you will be angry till all of it is out of system. Experts say release it in all the healthy ways. Start running, swimming, kickboxing anything to get rage out of your system. So next emotion can be released. Mediation just warms up in beginning so you don't leave. This is a real tough journey. If you are a product of indian parenting, even more emotions will come up. As soon as I get rid of this anger, there will be a lot of other hidden demons that will pop out in next posts. Right now, lets take care of this one. Lets shout cry swim run till all the anger is out. Yes, temptations also try to pull you back, all the stupid bollywood movies, tv shows, junk food, alcohol are calling me back but nah a lazy person knows not to waste efforts. 

Hmm married couples should just be more careful, he/she is not angry at you, its their mind releasing the toxin. Its like mind detoxification. Its not about you, at the same time don't mention this when they get angry because then it will be about you 😉 Keep meditating even though it will feel like nothing.

Try this one, it helped me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSXcZmUN0OQ

NAMASTE

THANKS

ALL THE BEST TO ME 👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿