Meditation phase: Too rushed to get there

Honeymoon phase is over in meditation for me now. In beginning, it was like someone showed a door of happiness that felt like nothing I had ever felt. No experience with drugs or alcohol or food compared to this. Just as advertised. It was perfect. I didn't need anything anyone to be happy. All I did was shambhavi twice a day. A lot of wisdom strikes theoretically. It was so pumping we made a lot of changes in diet and lifestyle.

Last time when we went home in may, even though we had been meditating, we didn't come back untouched from all the chaos that surrounded us. It stayed in conversations for months, all the soul corrupting stuff we keep talking about in loops. Shambhavi practice with mooji sadhguru bk shivani are carving my life. This time the change was so so out there, every person I met every situation I was in was purely energy of freedom and joy. I connected with all, met everyone like it was first time, heard them and in turn got so much love.Best thing, saw people in their own drama. Every time we see people, we look at their drama from our drama's perspective. If we just look at them from observer mode, it makes you so much more aware of their life. There is no need to judge or criticise others or yourself. Past is past.  I came back untouched this time. All I did was not do the act of self preservation. Well, vipasanna definitely helped, it calmed me down and gave me so many answers I was looking for. A lot of work has to be done. This is just .000001 %.

One mistake that we have been doing is we are trying to rush this process. In turn, we are losing ease in life, gaining anxiety. Unless I am at ease, there is no way meditation can progress. We left a lot of activities that made us happy, in process we created a negativity towards them which is again wrong. The whole point of living this life is to be relaxed and still focussed. Experiences sensations of consciouness happen for those who are receptive not for people who are restrained. Walking around like a gun to head is the worst. Don't drink, don't eat this, don't talk like this. Working against body, mind can't be good in long run. It took 30 years for this conditioning, how did we expect to be free in 2 years. Lets take it slow. If I could take it faster, definitely I would but right now this is the only sensible thing to do. Stay true to practice. Don't get so attached to your practice, it creates ill feeling for people or situations that come in between. Get that balance. Do meditation, get rid of compulsions. Walk at your own pace, you will arrive. Hehe just don't walk too slow.


Hope god helps me.

Thanks

NAMASTE

My vipasanna experience: All questions answered :)

Vipassana came rushing in my life. No matter how much I tried to avoid it, someone somewhere wanted me to do it. I had so many questions, what about my diet what about my yoga, is it required. Honestly, the only motivation was I didn't want to live 10 days straight with my parents or in laws. My center was in bhopal, india.

And I am so glad and thankful it all pushed me in there. The silence really helps. First three days are kind of confusing for most of the new meditators. You are not sure why you got into this. But every day at the end, there is a 1.5 hour dharma lecture by goenka and thats what you live for. By fourth day, everyone around me was set on completing the resolution. There were people of all ages, from 18 to 70 and they all were there till the end. No one broke the vow of silence. It was inspirational. 

What is the routine? 

You wake up at 4.00. Then just follow the whole schedule till 9 in night. If you are not an early riser, one or two days will blend you into their routine. Do get up for early morning meditations, they are the best. 

What if I have a problem?
Well, there are dhamma volunteers and a teacher assigned who you can talk about anything. There is an allotted time slot to visit them. You are not alone.

What do you pack?
Pack loose pants, full or half kurtis or tops with some palazzo pants or capris. If you are in india, most women will be in sarees,kurtis. Wear comfortable clothes that cover you fully. If its summer, pack light but no see through clothes. If its winter, pack thermals winter cap socks. Do carry a shawl, it helps a lot. Carry comfortable shoes like those cushiony slip ons that are not noisy. Yes, take everything in their list. If you forget, they will try to get it for you. There is laundry service too. If its winter, pack some coconut or sesame oil.

Do you need experience in meditation?
No. Its a beginning. Its for everyone, beginner advanced meditators. There is something for everyone.


What about my back?

Most of the people complained about achy backs and necks. I got one too. So if you meditate daily, check the cushion on which you sit, adjust it according to your needs. I didn't need a cushion at all which could be your case too. For most of the people, back hurt for at least 3 days then it stopped. Its gonna hurt though. It is because we are not used to sitting that long. But its all for the greater good and its all impermanent. 

What about the food?

All those stories about you not getting enough food inside are wrong. In fact, I ate almost double of what I eat daily. Its like a buffet of healthy food. Its without onion, garlic. If you want it without chilli, they will do it. You will not miss evening meals. Food is really tasty. Now again, you are sitting all day in meditation, a few pointers might help. First of all, eat only till you are 3/4 full. Walk, walk walk to move food and avoid gas. Don't drink tea in general if you are not a tea drinker. Avoid evening tea. Drink water, loads of it. If your stomach grumbles within 3 hours of meal, well you are healthy but it might make you a little conscious, so some fruits or snacks from home will not hurt. They are pretty strict about no snacks but if it really interferes with meditation, you may have some. It would have helped if I took some for me. If gas really bothers you, you can always take a break. Yeah, don't go for too much sugar. Prefer jaggery, daliya for breakfast. Don't eat too much rice, it makes you sleepy. Avoid potato, chickpea in general gas inducing food.Warm milk is gassy too. Go for simpler options. Just because there is loads of food doesn't mean you gotta eat.

How many breaks do you get?

There are so many breaks and so many options of doing meditation in room. After lunch, I literally saw women sunbathing oiling hair washing clothes walking. Yes, you will never get this much time outside. Its the most peaceful you will ever feel. 

Does silence help?

It helps a plenty. Serious meditation can only be done when you don't have an intake or outlet of words or thoughts. It only happens when you concentrate on yourself truly. It gives you a chance to look inward with no distractions. After third day, nothing from outside touches you. Don't talk unless you really need to. Even last day, when they let you talk, use words wisely. When you talk too much, you are mostly not conscious of what you are losing in process. Just be grateful, they were around to keep you on your path. We all walk alone, no one can really help us. 

Will my yoga and other practices suffer?

It was my number one concern. I love yoga, I have to do my shambhavi mudra. Yoga helped with the back and neck. Every day around 10.30 4.30 there was time for me to do some bikram power yoga. Don't do it outside, do it in room. If you are really lost in meditation, you can skip some days. After all, you are there to meditate. But they are not against yoga or breathing exercises. They just want you to learn fully what you came for. 

Does going with a partner help?

Hmm my husband completed too. Every day, I checked if he was around. From first day, I knew I would finish 10 days. I would see him setting his cushion cutely. Made me happy he was doing good. Would I have left if he did? Nope, it was for me not for anyone else. He saw me sitting straight, helped him too. There was support but we knew we would finish with or without. It doesn't matter if you are alone or with partner. Its your journey. 

Roommate or not?

I really loved living alone. It would be more difficult to maintain silence if you stay with someone else in room. Some girls didn't like being alone so they opted to have a roomie. Depends on your preference. It was something I needed, to be on my own for 10 days. Helped me a lot with my internal work.

Will it be super quiet?
 Depends where you are practising. If its india, there will be body sounds of all sorts. I had to change my seat because guy next to me kept burping smells sounds. It depends on your location. There could be construction noise, weddings going around. Thats a bet you take. 

So what really is vipassana?

Its a way of meditation, how you focus and feel your body's energy. I added it after my shambhavi mudra. More than that, there is a way of life taught in those 10 days. Answers to all my problems were in goenka's lectures at the end of night. Even if you are the happiest sorted person on earth, you need this. Its not a cult or religion.

Will I do it again?
Hmmm thats a tough one. I am not sure, I would love to. My stomach bothered me a lot, it took time for me to decide what to eat how much to eat and despite all that sometimes it just wasn't comfortable . So although I loved the experience, my stomach was a distraction. I felt the inability to decide when to sit in meditation according to body sometimes made me really angry. But again, thats my health status and genes. Still, I will try, there is no better conditioning than being inside there. 

Rules apply for every ashram that I will visit, I will only speak if needed. I will meditate more, eat less and just focus on my spiritual journey.

Expect nothing, follow the rules like they are yours. Yes, some days will be tough like hell, your mind will throw a battle to uproot you from this. Just wait for the lecture. Take it moment by moment, day by day, don't see what you have left behind, don't see what you could have done elsewhere, stay present there and give it your best shot. All the pains, sufferings stem from inside us, learn this to handle your machine better.

Its quiet, peaceful, green, all the perfect conditions to evolve. 

Go for it, it will change the way you think live die. 

Thanks,

NAMASTE