Okk I love you chennai : Visiting India Part 3

I was kind of depressed for almost 4 hours but I am not going to take any words back. What I complained about was the truth. I seriously would have flown back if I could. Life's so much easier and convenient when you are in your home, your car to drive, your food to cook. Call me a whiny one, call me the one who is high maintenance , I  do wear these adjectives proudly. It just shows I am well cared for and my life has less struggles than most people. By the way, unnecessary struggles are for morons.

Now getting back, I remembered why I loved chennai. The city reminded me why I have posted almost 4 articles on my relationship with it. Today, I dared to step out and called a cab. Relying on hotel, it went on smoothly and as my t mobile has collaboration with airtel vodafone, I could communicate with cab drivers. So problem number 1 eradicated.

I shopped, met lovely simple people who didn't bother me, saw a movie, no one stared at my tight leggings and sheer shirt which trust me is impossible in north india.

Then to top it all, my driver had to take a diverted route which involved passing fishermen's colony and trust me it was superb. This place has contented people everywhere. As the cab passed, I saw an old woman sitting and observing traffic doing nothing just observing. She isn't angry or frustrated, she's just there in her regular seat near road with her little torn saree.

My cab driver didn't mumble on the route, he just steered through. He told me how the roads always have traffic even if its a sunday. It was such a normal happy conversation. Sometimes, all you need to restore faith is a simple man who doesn't really care for anything except finishing off work and returning to his kids. I like people here so much. They are happy, they are not trying to extort money out of people. Of course ,there are few moles everywhere.

While on that route, I witnessed life. There were fishermen with net and fresh fish wondering how much they caught. There is a white pet dog barking outside mud house, imagine when all these middle class people leave their dogs on road, there are dogs in those areas enjoying freedom and love.
There was a couch outside a house which they used for drying clothes. Hmm if only I had better words to describe it all. An old lady was fixing her almost 30 year old son's hair with so much affection giggling and adoring him. You could see that evident love.

School vans were taking kids back from school, kids looked exhausted but they were still cashing on the left time with friends. Then of course there was beach with old men playing poker under shades. A volleyball court stood right there without net. Drivers in taxis were helping each other out with traffic. There was this typical tamil young guy jumping on auto just for the fun of it and then jumped back along side road.

Its these minute glimpses of life appreciation that pull me back to chennai. If ever I do settle in India, it will be chennai. Hot weather can be fixed with cabs and ACs but attitude of people here and mere humility bowled me over again.

Yeah I love you chennai. Where else will I get cheap movie tickets and delicious south indian food.

What parents should do for NRI kids?

Well, I was googling this so I could find a link to send my father and he might get some help in setting house right for my stay. Nah, all that popped up were articles on how NRI kids leave their parents alone in company of neighbors and how they should be taking care of them blah blah blah.

Seriously, we see old people as these helpless fragile creatures who can't take care of themselves but we forget they have seen life, they might get into the temptation of acting like kids if we give them the opportunity but if you think about it, they have gone through way worse than we have seen. They can out survive us any day. Have you ever thought they might not even want to live with their ignorant bullshitting kids? Everyone just wants to put sympathy out for them when they could be rocking in a pub. Leave them alone, let them be, they are way awesomer and independent than you ever will be.

So yeah how to make your house and India trip NRI proof haha

Water water : I called up my dad and asked him to get nice bottled water and his first reaction was try drinking filter water so you get used to it. First of all, I have to torture my body and get worms or diarrhea or even get other health problems then I should keep going to people's houses who literally dip fingers in water or fill it from a tap. There is no shame in carrying your own water. Your body is used to better water, accept it. So yeah parents get that water.

Flush-able toilet roll : Hmmm yeah it should be flushable and there should be a toilet roll in house. We don't really go indian way anymore so if you do really love us, make some efforts. I am not asking you to make my room look like a palace. Small things do help in getting through days. Its the simplest of things in everybody's routine that make a huge difference. Clean up your bathrooms. I know people are gonna say, what you used to live here now you are creating a fuss. We are not, we are just telling you how we can live with you happily. No one ever complained when we kept bucket for you in our bath tub or your black toothpaste ruined our sink.

Cook at home : Gone are the days when your kids could gobble up street food. So don't buy those sweets or salty snacks or even chaat from probably the most famous shop in your city. The moment I eat something wrong, my stomach churns, I am like an instant health inspection officer  Yeah parents its better to serve simple home cooked meals. The lighter the better.

Less relative visits : As soon as we called up, relative visits were arranged. We were supposed to travel for 12 hours and see people next 12 hours then again travel and see more. I get it, people are sick, people love us but sometimes you have to understand how much a person can really take. At least ask them if they are open to travelling and visiting 15 houses in one day. There is a dress code you need to adhere to if you are a daughter in law. Seriously there are so many days girls hate travelling and they always get stuck on those. If only men bled, they wouldn't make plans so not thoughtfully. To top it all, how do you manage to say no to water food in each and every house.

Book cabs: Hmmm we don't really like travelling in open air modes of transportation. So no autorickshaws, ask us to book cabs and we will happily. Don't look down on us, its just how we travel. The inconvenience is not an option. Don't even think about walking around market in hot summer days.

No trains : As much as I hate myself for spending almost double on flights, I loath trains. They are unhygienic, they have blankets that give me all sorts of allergy, their seats give me backpain and lets not even talk about washrooms and neer water. Please avoid trains. The struggle of getting on a train and getting off it with the amount of luggage we carry is simply torturous and I wouldn't wish it on my worst  NRI enemy.

Jetlag recovery: Jetlag is real and it takes like a week to get over the time zone. Spare us for a week. I would love to book a hotel and just chill in it till my body is comfortable to step out in chaos.

Less work at home : My friends who had never washed clothes or dishes in last 8 months had to do it. Its not what keeps us grounded, buy a washing machine , get a maid for dishes. We really get no fun in doing all this homely stuff. Avoid calling people for dinners and lunches, we are not going to cook and serve. I am kind of going a bit far but thats how I feel so yeah kill me.

No gifts : Luckily, we didn't really have to carry gifts but people have to. My friend got 3 suitcases for relatives and choclates and booze. If you buy something out of love for friends, its cool but if its just for parents' sake, it becomes such a pain. Don't show us off, besides taking money from people sounds weird too.

Dont fill suitcases: We earn in dollars, we buy in dollars. There is no need to convert every single product. One of my friends actually carried toothpastes from India because her mother in law wouldn't stop taunting her on difference in price. If you keep aside a few spices, there really is no need to buy anything from India.

Dont miss us : As soon as we landed, our parents were texting waiting for you missing you. Stop it, I loved staying in hotels and there was no guilt in the world that would get me out of my super luxurious room. Seriously, unless I have a real furnished air conditioned hotel room with gym and swimming pool waiting for me, I am not coming unless I really have to. Why would I want to go to a place where I have to dress up like a behenji and make small talk?

Managing in India : Visiting India Part 2

So you survived flight. If I could, I would always travel in business class. Hmm, money does buy peace and happiness. You are finally here, we booked a 5 star hotel and thank god we did. You are going to appreciate it sooo much. I can't even imagine landing straight in my hometown. Next 3 days I was a zombie, I slept in night but as soon as clock struck 10 in morning, my brain would shut off. I wanted to sleep but body wasn't tired. Its like your mind plays games. You wake up all energetic, after breakfast your eyes won't open but you are not sleepy. Weird jetlag syndromes.

Book at least a 5 star hotel. Then if you have an indian sim, you are lucky. We got t mobile roaming working for us. But it just doesn't end there, does it? I had really bad experiences with the weather and dust and cab drivers cancelling at last moment. Whenever wherever you go it takes time and too much effort. Uber Ola all are the same, even when you see no cabs on roads, there is surge pricing or no cabs available. Drivers who do show up sometimes stop or pick up other passengers on your account. So now you can't even book because someone else is riding your uber. Great.

I mean seriously, everyone is going to hate me for saying this but this country has no professionalism. One cab driver actually wanted me to get out so he could finish his 13 rides quota and then they tip themselves. I hate hate hate this, everytime we step out there is a problem. If you go to a supermarket, people want to cut you in line. If you want to cross road, cars don't stop. If you try a 4 star north indian restaurant, you end up getting food poisoning. Even 5 stars serve waffles like burnt roast wannabes. I am so sick of it. There is frustration inducing environment everywhere. Then there is traffic. When I tried mall on weekends, I could feel people breathing on my neck and they weren't trying to hit on me. Its just that there is no concept of space. Thank god, I am in chennai and there is no eve teasing or staring or rude comments.

You are shopping and there are personal assistants hovering over you. You are out of cash, your cards don't work, you forgot your pins, you don't see atms, even if you see you can't really ask a cab driver to wait for you. I am already sick and lying on bed and its just been 5 days. Your hair are frizzy and no shampoo conditioner in world is going to help you because of hard water. Your face is dropping, you are forgetting your smile. We are angry, frustrated, hungry, fighting with each other for silly uncontrollable reasons. Why would I want to go through all of this again ?

So I finally decided not to step out of my comfortable adobe for time being, my hotel room my swimming pool my gym and stay safe and close in almost no contact zone. If I want to visit friends, I ask hotel to book cabs and let them manage. Hmm, what a depressing day and I still have 3 more weeks to go. Worst is yet to come. 

India bound flight : Visiting India Part 1

I have lived in seattle for just 9 months now. Its too soon to say I am americanised. Its just that when you adopt a certain healthy food standard and fitness lifestyle, every other place is merely a reminder to run back to home.

As soon as I boarded the flight, I realized Indian trip had begun. The bored uninterested look on air hostess says it all. Flight is full and economy class sucks. Its like riding a state bus with AC and a functional washroom. There are no smiles, no courtesies no thank yous, just plain faces working for you. They act like they were kidnapped and underpaid. Its so depressing. I hate food in flights. 

All kinds of people are on plane, the snoring ones, the loud uncle auntys burping and saying hari om hari om and then there are those who are short and use recliners. I mean seriously, you are sleeping on your lap. Worst are the kids, screaming howling demanding monsters. If you ever have the urge of motherhood, try sitting in a plane for 15 hours. You do get sense of where you are off to. I don't hate India, I just hate the fact that we are so inconsiderately simple. We are so simple we don't know how not to make others uncomfortable how to give people space. Also, you are supposed to clean up after washroom and only throw where the space is. Close diaper tables, maintain hygiene. Air hostesses probably got tired of cleaning up our mess. 

If you get lucky and do catch some sleep, there are people using zandu balm in flights.There are people opening windows with sunlight bursting in. Some of them are coughing and letting all the viruses in air. Trust me, zombie invasion will start on a india bound flight.  Then there are some who resort to non deodrant armpits, hmmm I am just wondering how far we will take this simplicity and humility. Its sickening and nauseating and disturbing and disgusting and killing me. 

And then to end it all, as soon as flight stops everyone stands, its chaotic, go when the gates open, till then relax and sit on your seat. There is no need to queue up, stand when person in front of your seat leaves. Why do we have to make everything so hard? Finally, baggage claim, It would be so much easier if everyone just stood a little far from belt and picked their bag when it came. But no, we are going to hover bring trolleys in suffer and shout and make kids cry and show our street acquired snatching. Everything is so overwhelming. 

Drop this competition chaos struggle. When everything is comfortable around you, be at ease.  We can create hurdles, invent struggles, introduce chaos where it isn't even needed. Stop people stop.