Over last two weeks, I met almost all of my friends to just kinda weigh who is the worthy one to carry on our friendship Nah I wish I did though and broke up with a few of them then and there. So being a coward and no views blog writer, I decided to publish my findings here.
The whole interaction made me think " Why do we judge so much " We do we all do. We are not nice plain people, we are all constantly deliberately weighing each other in terms of whatever field we excel in.
I met this girl who was in her late 20s looking for a job all flustered and me being me I put on the nicest comfortable zone out there. She preyed on me literally killed me. Whenever I met her, it was power struggle from her side. I am just a failure in judging character specially when it comes to finding friends. Putting too much out there for people to exploit and make fun of is my specialty. While the good ones appreciate it, the normal struggling ones use it and put me down on every single conversations. I want to lean on people, have heart to heart strings which is like jumping in tiger's cell and calling a tiger merciless for hunting me. I am not saying she is not wrong, she's super conscious and insecure which pushes her to prove her worth and knowledge by refusing mine.
Why do we have to compare everything to our life's scale? If I have a husband, everyone should have one. If I have a car, everyone should have one. If I have a kid, everyone should do one. Its not a competition. For all we know, we are ants on some organic spaceship just pulling through. Don't be this person.
So how do we all practice it? Live by my recently acquired motto. Try to be happy all the time, if something is in way sort it out. Make the best of every thing. The more you resist, more you suffer. Live with it or change it. There is no other road.
First change that we all have to do is stop bragging about our lives. No one cares if you live in a house with badass tv or ultra lush balconies. Rather if you say, it brings peace to my life is more positive. Let others be happy in their life. Yeah everyone loves their house. Stop judging people's lifestyle. When you meet someone, talk about common interests like shopping or vacationing. Don't start showing off everywhere. You can only get friends if you are genuinely bonding, not calculating their life's decisions and wealth.
Second one is the hardest one for me. Don't gossip. It is so tempting. I like listening to other people's in-laws stories which even inspired a post or two from my side. Its terrible. You are feeding on negativity of someone's life. I started thinking and judging everyone from some college friend's horrible life perspective. We all have different lives, different set of people around us. So considering treating everyone the same is a stupid idea. Also when you participate in this kind of shared environment, you feel a minute sort of hatred building up inside you. Like, ohh my mother in law will also do this. She could be the finest understanding piece in mother in law stock and still you will never see her true form. Decide according to your life, make decisions and discuss with people. Tell them if you have space issues or food issues or stay issues. Discuss it all. Who knows there is a solution out there. After all of this, is they fail you, then go ahead vent it out. Don't give up on people before trying. Don't gossip among friends too. It ruined my chennai group.
Third one is put on a mask. I know this is difficult. Unless you know how the other person is, never show them your true vulnerabilities. This mask has to be right mix of smart and kind. Meet people at least four times before you get too friendly. Everyone is assessing everyone. Its better to get good ranks, isn't it? Its also a way to avoid feeling judged in first few meetings. Once you know, you will be comfortable sharing parts of life with them. Before that, they will just weigh you. Put your best form out there. There should be a by default personality that you use to impress even someone you wouldn't want to talk to. Be the best even when you are talking to that nosy relative you would prefer not to engage. Be nice to people but don't let them overpower you. The worst thing about being nice is trolls try to depress you.
Fourth one is be tactful and smart. Don't be a coward. We keep running from all our problems. Ohh this happens to everyone, don't fight it. Ohh all parents do that, don't fight. Every husband is like this, don't bother to change. No its our life, we can't run from it. If we want to live and flourish, we have to change what we want how we want and force or manipulation is not the key. People think they are playing some chess in real life and no one sees their moves. They are idiots. Solve it on base level. If you don't like a certain kind of lifestyle or you want to try something new, talk to your partner, make them understand. If you are feeling trapped, let people know. If you feel like you don't want guests, tell your guests nicely we can't accommodate you guys and apologize rather than living for a week and writing it in a post on blog.
Fifth and last one is respect all but respect yourself the most. We do this, we respect people's feelings so we don't reply. We want to be calm so we shut off. All people see is your lack of communication skills. If you don't have the guts to respect your opinion and make others believe in it, what is the point of living. Sometimes I don't talk to mean people or just avoid them in weddings, it just shows my inability to deal with certain persona. Feel confident, you don't have to taunt or enter heated arguments, just be calm and secure. As long as you do that, no one can taint your inner beauty. Fight for yourself in the most pacified way out there. Keep your inner peace guarded so no one can even touch it.
Lastly till the time you gain the personality that will help you fight off negative people, keep them at distance. Read books about personality development and relationships. Don't engage till you are ready soldier.
The whole interaction made me think " Why do we judge so much " We do we all do. We are not nice plain people, we are all constantly deliberately weighing each other in terms of whatever field we excel in.
I met this girl who was in her late 20s looking for a job all flustered and me being me I put on the nicest comfortable zone out there. She preyed on me literally killed me. Whenever I met her, it was power struggle from her side. I am just a failure in judging character specially when it comes to finding friends. Putting too much out there for people to exploit and make fun of is my specialty. While the good ones appreciate it, the normal struggling ones use it and put me down on every single conversations. I want to lean on people, have heart to heart strings which is like jumping in tiger's cell and calling a tiger merciless for hunting me. I am not saying she is not wrong, she's super conscious and insecure which pushes her to prove her worth and knowledge by refusing mine.
Why do we have to compare everything to our life's scale? If I have a husband, everyone should have one. If I have a car, everyone should have one. If I have a kid, everyone should do one. Its not a competition. For all we know, we are ants on some organic spaceship just pulling through. Don't be this person.
So how do we all practice it? Live by my recently acquired motto. Try to be happy all the time, if something is in way sort it out. Make the best of every thing. The more you resist, more you suffer. Live with it or change it. There is no other road.
First change that we all have to do is stop bragging about our lives. No one cares if you live in a house with badass tv or ultra lush balconies. Rather if you say, it brings peace to my life is more positive. Let others be happy in their life. Yeah everyone loves their house. Stop judging people's lifestyle. When you meet someone, talk about common interests like shopping or vacationing. Don't start showing off everywhere. You can only get friends if you are genuinely bonding, not calculating their life's decisions and wealth.
Second one is the hardest one for me. Don't gossip. It is so tempting. I like listening to other people's in-laws stories which even inspired a post or two from my side. Its terrible. You are feeding on negativity of someone's life. I started thinking and judging everyone from some college friend's horrible life perspective. We all have different lives, different set of people around us. So considering treating everyone the same is a stupid idea. Also when you participate in this kind of shared environment, you feel a minute sort of hatred building up inside you. Like, ohh my mother in law will also do this. She could be the finest understanding piece in mother in law stock and still you will never see her true form. Decide according to your life, make decisions and discuss with people. Tell them if you have space issues or food issues or stay issues. Discuss it all. Who knows there is a solution out there. After all of this, is they fail you, then go ahead vent it out. Don't give up on people before trying. Don't gossip among friends too. It ruined my chennai group.
Third one is put on a mask. I know this is difficult. Unless you know how the other person is, never show them your true vulnerabilities. This mask has to be right mix of smart and kind. Meet people at least four times before you get too friendly. Everyone is assessing everyone. Its better to get good ranks, isn't it? Its also a way to avoid feeling judged in first few meetings. Once you know, you will be comfortable sharing parts of life with them. Before that, they will just weigh you. Put your best form out there. There should be a by default personality that you use to impress even someone you wouldn't want to talk to. Be the best even when you are talking to that nosy relative you would prefer not to engage. Be nice to people but don't let them overpower you. The worst thing about being nice is trolls try to depress you.
Fourth one is be tactful and smart. Don't be a coward. We keep running from all our problems. Ohh this happens to everyone, don't fight it. Ohh all parents do that, don't fight. Every husband is like this, don't bother to change. No its our life, we can't run from it. If we want to live and flourish, we have to change what we want how we want and force or manipulation is not the key. People think they are playing some chess in real life and no one sees their moves. They are idiots. Solve it on base level. If you don't like a certain kind of lifestyle or you want to try something new, talk to your partner, make them understand. If you are feeling trapped, let people know. If you feel like you don't want guests, tell your guests nicely we can't accommodate you guys and apologize rather than living for a week and writing it in a post on blog.
Fifth and last one is respect all but respect yourself the most. We do this, we respect people's feelings so we don't reply. We want to be calm so we shut off. All people see is your lack of communication skills. If you don't have the guts to respect your opinion and make others believe in it, what is the point of living. Sometimes I don't talk to mean people or just avoid them in weddings, it just shows my inability to deal with certain persona. Feel confident, you don't have to taunt or enter heated arguments, just be calm and secure. As long as you do that, no one can taint your inner beauty. Fight for yourself in the most pacified way out there. Keep your inner peace guarded so no one can even touch it.
Lastly till the time you gain the personality that will help you fight off negative people, keep them at distance. Read books about personality development and relationships. Don't engage till you are ready soldier.
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