Whenever I thought of moving here, the thoughts were very raw. I guess the traffic will be less, people will be gorgeous and we will earn in dollars. As soon as we declared we were going, almost every relative we met was like do come back to india, the culture and what not talks. Are we all patriots, nah we are not. If we were, we would be working in some NGO or politics. So the fact that most of us like to use the term "hamara india " is kind of a self affirmation to belong to culture values food etc. Its the need to belong to roots.
I had an awesome life in chennai, I had classy friends pub fridays birthday lunches movie nights. It was complete. Now its been like 8 months and this is how US is changing me for the better. Try to imbibe these and you will do well in life.
1) Don't be over nice : When someone smiles, you start grinning like they did a favor. Or you just shut off, no smiles no hellos just minding your own business. Don't be a grumpy people pleaser. Don't do it. See this as an opportunity to actually change the way people look at you. In india, we all fall in certain spectrum like this person is nice this person is short this person is rude more like the society tells us if a person is fat, they should not wear skirts they should not look beautiful or feel confident. Forget all that, wipe it off. You can act like ranbir kapoor or katrina kaif and they wouldn't even know. Revamp your personality, no one is going to judge you here. Just smile confidently. Its a way to acknowledge people and avoid awkward silent lift rides. Practice this back in country too.
2) Respect people : What really surprised me here was everyone is so freaking proud of themselves which is so awesome. I mean doesn't matter what job they do what background they come from, these people are witty and own themselves like any celebrity. From bus drivers to supermarket cashiers to lawyers, everyone carries an aura of oomph. How did it happen? Its because no job is small here, everyone has enough money to eat and dress properly. So respect this and when you go back india, respect all. Profession doesn't define people. Know in your heart that no one is above or below. We are all on same level. Feel the urge to get respect too. Don't think of yourself as any less. You didn't come through a tunnel, you came here for a really good job, you are amongst the highest paid people. At the same time, its just a job. Boost your confidence and treat everyone as equal.
3) See yourself from their eyes : You know how we look to other country people, we all look the same. They have no idea if we are being rude or simple or arrogant or normal unless we express. They might even feel we live in our own shell of culture. So compliment people , talk to people who talk to you in lift or make small conversations in markets or people with dogs. If you want to live here, understand the people too. After some time, you will know who wants to talk to you who is not interested. Don't go hiding in your indian colonies and indian groups. Try to spread out. You are exotic here. Know your value. I was going in lift and persian lady complimented me, I brushed it off like she was just being nice. It was stupid, always say I appreciate it thanks a lot. You can never see how beautiful you might be from other people's perspective. But again don't go overboard. The line is thin between arrogance and confidence.
4) No English is okk : Yep its totally cool, it just means you know another language or may be two or three other languages. Besides, even if you know few words in english, people here will make sure you get what you want. Trust me, its not like how they show in movies. They will understand you even if you utter the word hot coffee. I didn't know how to swipe cards or get things billed or dressing rooms, I was a nervous wreck. I wouldn't go out but it all works out. Take one step at a time. One day, go and buy just milk with cash. Another day, carry your card and try. People are super cooperative, because their job commands them to be. Never feel ashamed or embarrassed, there are thousand things you know better than other human beings. As long as you are approachable and open to change, nothing will matter. If someone acts rudely, tell them its not the way they should be. Don't fight, just make yourself heard.
5) Raising kids : Most of my friends are scared of raising kids here. They all think kids are not going to listen to them. Yep sure because the only way we know is to scare them to respect us. Create that fear of scolding or mild touch beat or no food. Its no way to deal with kids. I was waiting for elevator and this lady and her 2 year old started talking. Two year old asked everything from where we are going to why lift was so noisy. Trust me, if it was my mom she would have stopped me by second question. But this mom answered every question. They had a long 20 min conversation which didn't end up kid feeling too young to ask or brushed aside because mom thought it was an inconvenience. Thats how they deal with kids, like they are constructing mature responsible adults. They do cuddle them but there is no mold that kids should fit in. They can be anything they want. Thats how you raise personalities and individualities. Anyone can take a mike and talk before 200 people because they were not given the notion of nervousness or ashamed or displayed against their will. When the kid said no in restaurant or cried, they asked what was upsetting and asked for cooperation. They didn't let him or her feel alone or unheard. So if you do decide to raise kids here, learn from these ladies. Kids learn by example, if you give a scared expression putting them in swimming pool, they will always associate swimming with fear. Let them climb walls, let them venture, let them make friends outside. Take them to temple but tell them why you are taking them. Tell them stories of mythology like a kids story book, make it interesting. When a kid acts bratty, its because they know they will get your attention that way. Make them feel heard always. Raising kid is a full time passion. Don't limit it to feeding and diapers. I know its super difficult because this is a generation leap.
6) Spend folks spend : I see all my friends bragging about costco and indian supermarkets. There is nothing wrong with it. Its quality and quantity. Its minor things we try to save in, like bread why would you want to pick 1$ bread when you can pick bread with walnuts which is actually tasty. I know only 25% people do this but don't really don't . Pick the finest ingredients possible in every shop. If the quality of vegetable or fruit or spices is not upto standard, don't go to that store. Indian stores thrive on our inclination to buy cheap even if its expired. Ever wonder why Indian stores look the worst n cramped up, they just don't care. Even chinese got better supermarkets like uwajimaya. We are what we eat. Raise your buying standards, don't fall for cheap products. Demand better. Where else would you get almond butter with walnut bread. Feast on nutrition people. I see frowny cashiers in indian supermarkets, sometimes they are rude or indifferent. What gives them the power to act out, we do, we keep going back. Would you ever go back to an american store who was like this? This goes for every single thing in your house, buy the best pillow best mattress as your american colleagues would.
7) Follow Rules : Please follow rules. This country was made by dreamers. They have a system that works, their multi lanes their traffic rules work. Even their roads are designed to conserve more ground water. Don't corrupt the country, follow all traffic rules. Don't break lines. Don't cross roads. I am not asking you to live in constant fear, I am asking you to be a responsible person. Let pedestrians cross,let school buses drop kids and wait till they move. Don't jump lanes. Don't litter if you see homeless people littering. When you see bus line, be in queue. There are so many rules and they work. Someone's mom came and she was like this is shorter route, I told here its not allowed because there is no crossing, to which she replied but this is what we do in india. So don't do this in India too. Whats wrong is wrong. Today 5 people will do, tomorrow 5 more will do. That is how countries get lawless.
8) Pets raising : If I had to keep a pet here, I wouldn't know what to do. The pets here are well trained. They are part of family, they understand everything. Again the same reason, they are always paid attention to. If they bark or act weirdly, they actually comfort them and tell them it will get them nothing. They don't give them treats for bad behaviour. They train them but never raise voice or scold them. The moment you scold or disrespect any living thing, you crush their self esteem by 1%. I have never liked when I saw people keeping dogs like they were saving their life. My cousin kept a puppy, the puppy would whine all day for food for walk. She tied him in basement, kids were not allowed to play or interact. She would shout or just slap the dog a bit if dog tried to play which puppies do. I hated her to core. Would you like it if someone did it to you? Would you like it if someone called you family but kept you tied? If you decide to keep a pet, learn proper ways how to raise one. They are precious and certainly don't deserve angry human reactions.
9) Do things legally : Now this is the one that will get us kicked out of this country. If you decide to work, get proper authorizations. Just because you cook well doesn't mean you start catering business with indian clients. That indian aunty friend of mine was like but you want to earn money nah. Yeah I do, I would rather wait get proper clearance and work. What if someone dies or develops allergy reaction from your food? What if some kid chokes in your creche? You could end up in jail. Its illegal. Just murdering or robbing someone is not illegal. Little ways of breaking laws here and there count too.
10) Dress properly, groom up : Whenever I visit colonies where Indians reside, I see girls walking around in track pants kurtis with old indian sweaters. I feel bad because if we were in india, would we still feel the liberty to walk out in shabby clothes. We should dress up well, even if you wear a kurta, team it up with legging like you are going somewhere important. Always dress smart. I am not asking you to go full delhi mode, just be in the kind of clothes that boost your spirit. You know how when we go dressed up we walk tall and when we wear old everyday clothes, we are sluggish. So wear nice fitted clothes. One of the secrets why people here look confident is dressing up too. They know what they look good in , they pay attention to their body type their grooming their hairstyles. There is nothing wrong in looking presentable. American stores are so diverse, they have clothes in all price range. If you don't feel comfortable, get from india. I experimented this, one week in home outside I wore all my best clothes that made me feel awesome. It works u all. Just don't go overboard with makeup and clothes. Be humble. Confidence is for your own body image, not to judge others. People should get that ooze of confidence n humility from you.
11) Use services tip properly : My friend was telling me how she gets threading and waxing done by a friend which is cool. But then she was like why waste 5$ so I will get upper lip done in india. Okk six months of here, just because your friend doesn't know how to do upper lip you won't get it done professsionally. Make it a point to go to salon, get your threading upper lip waxing done. Get your facials done. If its comfortable for you to do at home, do it otherwise 50$ is not going to build a wall in your future house. Tip properly, if you go to an asian salon and feel their services are not good, tell them, yelp it. Always remember you are a customer, you are paying to get services. You deserve the best. If they charge you more, feel free to ask for receipt or explanation. I have seen some asian salons bank on our innocence , they act too dominating and never listen. Don't let it happen, be in control. I bought a groupon for salon, the salon would never reply to texts or calls. I made sure I got my money and yelped my experience. We are as valuable as customer as any other person. Our money matters our time matters too. If they were so lavish, why did they offer groupon coupons. Don't let anyone walk all over you. Ger regular haircuts, look groomed, it will give such an immense push to your happiness and quality of life.
12) Stop saving so much : What are we saving for? Why do we need 3 houses in india and 1 house in US and shares and gold and FDs ? Do we really need so much ? Do you think your kids will ask for your money? We are just saving mindlessly. We are saving too much, we are not going on enough vacations to exotic places. Do you really think your kids will take you on that dream world tour? I mean I wouldn't . So do whatever you like. Learn new things, try new restaurants, eat exotic fruits, relish on expensive wines. We only live once. Keep some amount for safety net. Other than that, live it up. Just because fred meyer is giving 2lbs tomatoes for 1$, I am not gonna leave my netflix and step out. Stop caring so much. Buy freely unless you are in whole foods. :P
13) Appreciate their culture : Their culture is so different. I have never seen people getting inappropriate on roads. The way they dress up the way they act is perfect. There is no gender bias. They treat their women with crazy respect, they talk to them like they know they are a blessing. They take their kids out on sundays for family time. They go skiing, train kids for sport events on free days.They cook dinners together. They have no body shaming, their kids know they can talk comfortably about anything. Their parents have so much retirement money they are practically on vacations or fully serviced apartments. They have emergency services coming in 2 minutes even if it involves rescuing a cat. The woman here dance when they want to, laugh loudly, live life to fullest, pick equal weights in gyms. They have no woman man fat thin fair black south north tags. They have no hatred for immigrants or germans or japanese. How is this culture bad ? Learn and appreciate the goodness in them. They are doing something terribly right which we indians have no clue of. A woman could be walking around in bikini shorts and I dare you to look at her without feeling respect for her. You know she can crush you, be that woman, be that woman's man.
14) Respect yourself : Most importantly respect yourself no matter what. We were ruled by britishers, they corrupted us. When we go to a government office, we see a peon bringing tea snacks for senior officials. We don't see it as a job, in our sub conscious level we see him on a lower scale when somehow he's just working for money. This mentality still lives in us, we see a foreigner our shoulders go down we get slave smile or too much pleasing smile. We are all equals. Respect yourself, you don't serve anyone. You serve yourself. You earn for your family. Feel the pride and walk tall. You run a house which I know is no small matter. As soon as it is evident on your face, people will respect back. Not like a bank official respect, its like something we are all entitled as humans.
15) Cut parental chords : This is the most argued topic in our home. Guys are raised to raise parents in old age, daughters' parents know they will be happy alone. All their life, guys' parents wait to settle down with kids. If it works out well for you, good for you. If your wife has problems, try to find a solution even if it requires you going back india. We all have one life, can we really spare months out of this ticking counter. Its not about adjusting, its just if I can be much more happy in some situation, I would want that. Guys understand life is not about repaying back or compromising. Its to live and flourish. Go places, make her happy. When you visit India, plan vacations with parents. Make them understand, there are other options too.
16) Go out alone : It really works. Don't wait for your husband or kids or friends to make plans. If you have time, go to any coffee shop with your laptop and relax. Spend some time alone with yourself. When we spend too much time with others, their needs their lives become ours. We forget our personality, our likes, our dislikes. My mother liked bottlegourd and like other kids we could have hated it. She just didn't budge, she made it and we developed taste for it. Kids are going to like certain things, husbands in laws will like things from their family time. Create your own family time. So go alone in your space, try what you like, go for happy hours with friends, go shopping, ask friends what looks good on you. Don't let life outrun you. Don't be the mom who woke up at 5 slept at 10 and in between she did nothing she wanted.
17) Don't judge : We are experts in judging. These americans date a lot, these americans drink a lot, these americans huh, these indians all coming to US, these south indians, these snobbish north indians, these kids blah blah. See things for what they are without any preconceived notions of what you are told. If no one told you alcohol is for degraded ones, won't you think its nice to relax and open up dance with friends. If no one told you dating before wedding is bad, won't you think if only I had more relationships I would have understood women more. There are two sides to every story. So don't judge, if you like something adapt. If you don't, never harbor ill feelings against people who practice it. Nothing is bad, nothing is good. When you see taj mahal, what you see and what a foreigner sees is miles apart. How your husband sees his mom, how you see his mom can never be same. Be happy, be peaceful, be kind, there is no other life after a few years. This is it, live it up.
I had an awesome life in chennai, I had classy friends pub fridays birthday lunches movie nights. It was complete. Now its been like 8 months and this is how US is changing me for the better. Try to imbibe these and you will do well in life.
1) Don't be over nice : When someone smiles, you start grinning like they did a favor. Or you just shut off, no smiles no hellos just minding your own business. Don't be a grumpy people pleaser. Don't do it. See this as an opportunity to actually change the way people look at you. In india, we all fall in certain spectrum like this person is nice this person is short this person is rude more like the society tells us if a person is fat, they should not wear skirts they should not look beautiful or feel confident. Forget all that, wipe it off. You can act like ranbir kapoor or katrina kaif and they wouldn't even know. Revamp your personality, no one is going to judge you here. Just smile confidently. Its a way to acknowledge people and avoid awkward silent lift rides. Practice this back in country too.
2) Respect people : What really surprised me here was everyone is so freaking proud of themselves which is so awesome. I mean doesn't matter what job they do what background they come from, these people are witty and own themselves like any celebrity. From bus drivers to supermarket cashiers to lawyers, everyone carries an aura of oomph. How did it happen? Its because no job is small here, everyone has enough money to eat and dress properly. So respect this and when you go back india, respect all. Profession doesn't define people. Know in your heart that no one is above or below. We are all on same level. Feel the urge to get respect too. Don't think of yourself as any less. You didn't come through a tunnel, you came here for a really good job, you are amongst the highest paid people. At the same time, its just a job. Boost your confidence and treat everyone as equal.
3) See yourself from their eyes : You know how we look to other country people, we all look the same. They have no idea if we are being rude or simple or arrogant or normal unless we express. They might even feel we live in our own shell of culture. So compliment people , talk to people who talk to you in lift or make small conversations in markets or people with dogs. If you want to live here, understand the people too. After some time, you will know who wants to talk to you who is not interested. Don't go hiding in your indian colonies and indian groups. Try to spread out. You are exotic here. Know your value. I was going in lift and persian lady complimented me, I brushed it off like she was just being nice. It was stupid, always say I appreciate it thanks a lot. You can never see how beautiful you might be from other people's perspective. But again don't go overboard. The line is thin between arrogance and confidence.
4) No English is okk : Yep its totally cool, it just means you know another language or may be two or three other languages. Besides, even if you know few words in english, people here will make sure you get what you want. Trust me, its not like how they show in movies. They will understand you even if you utter the word hot coffee. I didn't know how to swipe cards or get things billed or dressing rooms, I was a nervous wreck. I wouldn't go out but it all works out. Take one step at a time. One day, go and buy just milk with cash. Another day, carry your card and try. People are super cooperative, because their job commands them to be. Never feel ashamed or embarrassed, there are thousand things you know better than other human beings. As long as you are approachable and open to change, nothing will matter. If someone acts rudely, tell them its not the way they should be. Don't fight, just make yourself heard.
5) Raising kids : Most of my friends are scared of raising kids here. They all think kids are not going to listen to them. Yep sure because the only way we know is to scare them to respect us. Create that fear of scolding or mild touch beat or no food. Its no way to deal with kids. I was waiting for elevator and this lady and her 2 year old started talking. Two year old asked everything from where we are going to why lift was so noisy. Trust me, if it was my mom she would have stopped me by second question. But this mom answered every question. They had a long 20 min conversation which didn't end up kid feeling too young to ask or brushed aside because mom thought it was an inconvenience. Thats how they deal with kids, like they are constructing mature responsible adults. They do cuddle them but there is no mold that kids should fit in. They can be anything they want. Thats how you raise personalities and individualities. Anyone can take a mike and talk before 200 people because they were not given the notion of nervousness or ashamed or displayed against their will. When the kid said no in restaurant or cried, they asked what was upsetting and asked for cooperation. They didn't let him or her feel alone or unheard. So if you do decide to raise kids here, learn from these ladies. Kids learn by example, if you give a scared expression putting them in swimming pool, they will always associate swimming with fear. Let them climb walls, let them venture, let them make friends outside. Take them to temple but tell them why you are taking them. Tell them stories of mythology like a kids story book, make it interesting. When a kid acts bratty, its because they know they will get your attention that way. Make them feel heard always. Raising kid is a full time passion. Don't limit it to feeding and diapers. I know its super difficult because this is a generation leap.
6) Spend folks spend : I see all my friends bragging about costco and indian supermarkets. There is nothing wrong with it. Its quality and quantity. Its minor things we try to save in, like bread why would you want to pick 1$ bread when you can pick bread with walnuts which is actually tasty. I know only 25% people do this but don't really don't . Pick the finest ingredients possible in every shop. If the quality of vegetable or fruit or spices is not upto standard, don't go to that store. Indian stores thrive on our inclination to buy cheap even if its expired. Ever wonder why Indian stores look the worst n cramped up, they just don't care. Even chinese got better supermarkets like uwajimaya. We are what we eat. Raise your buying standards, don't fall for cheap products. Demand better. Where else would you get almond butter with walnut bread. Feast on nutrition people. I see frowny cashiers in indian supermarkets, sometimes they are rude or indifferent. What gives them the power to act out, we do, we keep going back. Would you ever go back to an american store who was like this? This goes for every single thing in your house, buy the best pillow best mattress as your american colleagues would.
7) Follow Rules : Please follow rules. This country was made by dreamers. They have a system that works, their multi lanes their traffic rules work. Even their roads are designed to conserve more ground water. Don't corrupt the country, follow all traffic rules. Don't break lines. Don't cross roads. I am not asking you to live in constant fear, I am asking you to be a responsible person. Let pedestrians cross,let school buses drop kids and wait till they move. Don't jump lanes. Don't litter if you see homeless people littering. When you see bus line, be in queue. There are so many rules and they work. Someone's mom came and she was like this is shorter route, I told here its not allowed because there is no crossing, to which she replied but this is what we do in india. So don't do this in India too. Whats wrong is wrong. Today 5 people will do, tomorrow 5 more will do. That is how countries get lawless.
8) Pets raising : If I had to keep a pet here, I wouldn't know what to do. The pets here are well trained. They are part of family, they understand everything. Again the same reason, they are always paid attention to. If they bark or act weirdly, they actually comfort them and tell them it will get them nothing. They don't give them treats for bad behaviour. They train them but never raise voice or scold them. The moment you scold or disrespect any living thing, you crush their self esteem by 1%. I have never liked when I saw people keeping dogs like they were saving their life. My cousin kept a puppy, the puppy would whine all day for food for walk. She tied him in basement, kids were not allowed to play or interact. She would shout or just slap the dog a bit if dog tried to play which puppies do. I hated her to core. Would you like it if someone did it to you? Would you like it if someone called you family but kept you tied? If you decide to keep a pet, learn proper ways how to raise one. They are precious and certainly don't deserve angry human reactions.
9) Do things legally : Now this is the one that will get us kicked out of this country. If you decide to work, get proper authorizations. Just because you cook well doesn't mean you start catering business with indian clients. That indian aunty friend of mine was like but you want to earn money nah. Yeah I do, I would rather wait get proper clearance and work. What if someone dies or develops allergy reaction from your food? What if some kid chokes in your creche? You could end up in jail. Its illegal. Just murdering or robbing someone is not illegal. Little ways of breaking laws here and there count too.
10) Dress properly, groom up : Whenever I visit colonies where Indians reside, I see girls walking around in track pants kurtis with old indian sweaters. I feel bad because if we were in india, would we still feel the liberty to walk out in shabby clothes. We should dress up well, even if you wear a kurta, team it up with legging like you are going somewhere important. Always dress smart. I am not asking you to go full delhi mode, just be in the kind of clothes that boost your spirit. You know how when we go dressed up we walk tall and when we wear old everyday clothes, we are sluggish. So wear nice fitted clothes. One of the secrets why people here look confident is dressing up too. They know what they look good in , they pay attention to their body type their grooming their hairstyles. There is nothing wrong in looking presentable. American stores are so diverse, they have clothes in all price range. If you don't feel comfortable, get from india. I experimented this, one week in home outside I wore all my best clothes that made me feel awesome. It works u all. Just don't go overboard with makeup and clothes. Be humble. Confidence is for your own body image, not to judge others. People should get that ooze of confidence n humility from you.
11) Use services tip properly : My friend was telling me how she gets threading and waxing done by a friend which is cool. But then she was like why waste 5$ so I will get upper lip done in india. Okk six months of here, just because your friend doesn't know how to do upper lip you won't get it done professsionally. Make it a point to go to salon, get your threading upper lip waxing done. Get your facials done. If its comfortable for you to do at home, do it otherwise 50$ is not going to build a wall in your future house. Tip properly, if you go to an asian salon and feel their services are not good, tell them, yelp it. Always remember you are a customer, you are paying to get services. You deserve the best. If they charge you more, feel free to ask for receipt or explanation. I have seen some asian salons bank on our innocence , they act too dominating and never listen. Don't let it happen, be in control. I bought a groupon for salon, the salon would never reply to texts or calls. I made sure I got my money and yelped my experience. We are as valuable as customer as any other person. Our money matters our time matters too. If they were so lavish, why did they offer groupon coupons. Don't let anyone walk all over you. Ger regular haircuts, look groomed, it will give such an immense push to your happiness and quality of life.
12) Stop saving so much : What are we saving for? Why do we need 3 houses in india and 1 house in US and shares and gold and FDs ? Do we really need so much ? Do you think your kids will ask for your money? We are just saving mindlessly. We are saving too much, we are not going on enough vacations to exotic places. Do you really think your kids will take you on that dream world tour? I mean I wouldn't . So do whatever you like. Learn new things, try new restaurants, eat exotic fruits, relish on expensive wines. We only live once. Keep some amount for safety net. Other than that, live it up. Just because fred meyer is giving 2lbs tomatoes for 1$, I am not gonna leave my netflix and step out. Stop caring so much. Buy freely unless you are in whole foods. :P
13) Appreciate their culture : Their culture is so different. I have never seen people getting inappropriate on roads. The way they dress up the way they act is perfect. There is no gender bias. They treat their women with crazy respect, they talk to them like they know they are a blessing. They take their kids out on sundays for family time. They go skiing, train kids for sport events on free days.They cook dinners together. They have no body shaming, their kids know they can talk comfortably about anything. Their parents have so much retirement money they are practically on vacations or fully serviced apartments. They have emergency services coming in 2 minutes even if it involves rescuing a cat. The woman here dance when they want to, laugh loudly, live life to fullest, pick equal weights in gyms. They have no woman man fat thin fair black south north tags. They have no hatred for immigrants or germans or japanese. How is this culture bad ? Learn and appreciate the goodness in them. They are doing something terribly right which we indians have no clue of. A woman could be walking around in bikini shorts and I dare you to look at her without feeling respect for her. You know she can crush you, be that woman, be that woman's man.
14) Respect yourself : Most importantly respect yourself no matter what. We were ruled by britishers, they corrupted us. When we go to a government office, we see a peon bringing tea snacks for senior officials. We don't see it as a job, in our sub conscious level we see him on a lower scale when somehow he's just working for money. This mentality still lives in us, we see a foreigner our shoulders go down we get slave smile or too much pleasing smile. We are all equals. Respect yourself, you don't serve anyone. You serve yourself. You earn for your family. Feel the pride and walk tall. You run a house which I know is no small matter. As soon as it is evident on your face, people will respect back. Not like a bank official respect, its like something we are all entitled as humans.
15) Cut parental chords : This is the most argued topic in our home. Guys are raised to raise parents in old age, daughters' parents know they will be happy alone. All their life, guys' parents wait to settle down with kids. If it works out well for you, good for you. If your wife has problems, try to find a solution even if it requires you going back india. We all have one life, can we really spare months out of this ticking counter. Its not about adjusting, its just if I can be much more happy in some situation, I would want that. Guys understand life is not about repaying back or compromising. Its to live and flourish. Go places, make her happy. When you visit India, plan vacations with parents. Make them understand, there are other options too.
16) Go out alone : It really works. Don't wait for your husband or kids or friends to make plans. If you have time, go to any coffee shop with your laptop and relax. Spend some time alone with yourself. When we spend too much time with others, their needs their lives become ours. We forget our personality, our likes, our dislikes. My mother liked bottlegourd and like other kids we could have hated it. She just didn't budge, she made it and we developed taste for it. Kids are going to like certain things, husbands in laws will like things from their family time. Create your own family time. So go alone in your space, try what you like, go for happy hours with friends, go shopping, ask friends what looks good on you. Don't let life outrun you. Don't be the mom who woke up at 5 slept at 10 and in between she did nothing she wanted.
17) Don't judge : We are experts in judging. These americans date a lot, these americans drink a lot, these americans huh, these indians all coming to US, these south indians, these snobbish north indians, these kids blah blah. See things for what they are without any preconceived notions of what you are told. If no one told you alcohol is for degraded ones, won't you think its nice to relax and open up dance with friends. If no one told you dating before wedding is bad, won't you think if only I had more relationships I would have understood women more. There are two sides to every story. So don't judge, if you like something adapt. If you don't, never harbor ill feelings against people who practice it. Nothing is bad, nothing is good. When you see taj mahal, what you see and what a foreigner sees is miles apart. How your husband sees his mom, how you see his mom can never be same. Be happy, be peaceful, be kind, there is no other life after a few years. This is it, live it up.
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