There is a new serial starting in india, the land of arranged marriages where they will be exploring the differences between love marriage and arrange marriage. Most of us know what's gonna happen eventually in storyline, its another way of proving how indian culture of arranging matrimony on basis of job and height is so correct, probably they will show the guy in love marriage irresponsible and negligent. Its just how indians would love to see it happening. Anyways is there even a difference in love marriage and arranged marriage???
If we see it from relationships view point, both go through the same emotions. The parameters and people involved in initial stages is slightly different.
Someone introduce me to my future husband
First stage is introduction stage where they meet or parents leave them alone in the room to talk. In love, its all a matter of chance of bumping into the right friend or getting enough time around to fall in attraction phase. In arranged one, there is no choice, you have to meet the guy and his family, they judge you, you judge him, whole resumes are seen, the guy's family decides and gives the verdict. They come, they eat, they meet. Its more about family compatibility not the ones getting married. The perfect guy is out there but the family isn't good enough for yours. But wait I am not against arranged marriage, I think its more practical approach, you know its more refined way of meeting the right family with right guy. Anyways in love you could outwardly reject the nicest guy in first meeting because of his nervousness or maybe even accept after knowing him all years as a friend. Same is the case in arranged marriage, if parents give 2 or 3 meetings you could be marrying the soulmate. Unless they are wicked or pretending or setting up traps to lure more dowry which happens rarely. See they are not different, its somehow the same. Landing on the awesome guy is a matter of chance not love or arrange versions.
LOVE is in the air
The couple in arranged marriage gets engaged right after if they like each other after two or three dates. Their conversations on mobile don't see days, nights. They start planning wedding which could be in four to six months. All the while having super loved birthday surprises, family visits etc etc all the crazy stuff you do in start of love chemical eruption. Anyways most of my friends met the guy just once and talked barely before getting engaged. So first you are engaged then you talk on phone then you get married after falling in love within some months. Most of them get minimum 6 months because of auspicious dates in hindu calendar.
Our couple in love marriage dates for a pretty long time or may be months or years, depends on the couple. The only difference is parents don't know yet. No interference from family sounds pretty good. They do the same thing, long time calls love letters chats etc etc. the same love chemical eruption thing goes on for some months. Same huh love arrange till now. None of them has seen the differences problems yet. Its all rosy.
First come S then comes E
So its been six months now. Hmm the arranged marriage people are way too excited to get married and do it finally. Its customary in indian tradition to make it sure they do it on first night of marriage. They decorate the room, they kind of worship the bed and then ask the bride to sit like this in the middle of bed. Its your choice anyways. The whole marriage takes 5 to 6 days so both of them are pretty tired after the reception night before and early morning wedding and ritual where you show face to elders and get gifts in gold. You haven't slept the night before. You just get through the whole family meeting day of receiving more gifts by cooking or wearing saree or etc etc. The whole gist is both of them are fucking exhausted. So finally comes time to do it and the whole enthu is back, its what they have been waiting for. In india till now, most of them were virgins, times are changing pretty quickly so its not expected anymore from the young by the young. The bridegroom enters the room where bride waits with milk and almonds to boost his strength and have super powerful superman sex. Anyways this is how they finally accomplish it. The next morning the bride wakes up early and mingles with other guests shying coying away all day. Besides its awkwardly uncomfortable environment with the whole new family members. Its frustrating and irritating, you simply cry and want to run away to parents.
Our couple in love marriage can do it whenever both of them feel its right, in hotel or house or anywhere they want, whenever they want. Its in their hands, no pressure at all. Either they wait till marriage or they simply don't. They could be doing it after the whole understanding phase or just for fun before that.
LIVING Together
Living together is the tricky part. Its always difficult to adjust with the new person in comfort zone. The whole routine habits matter. When does he wake up, when he takes tea coffee, does he go to gym etc etc. Our couple in arrange marriage is already in rosy love and had sex hopefully, so now they live together. At first its all sweet, every situation seems perfect, they are all over each other for first few months. After that come the tricky part, more arguments more fights even worse if both of them are hot headed. One of my cousin brother's marriage couldn't last even an year, she ran off to her parents saying he wasn't romantic and his parents wanted her to be traditional indian daughter-in-law. She was a good person, its just that the whole talk before marriage wasn't taken seriously when she said i can't cook. Its not me, I am still married. But who says it doesn't happen in love marriage.
The only part that differs is whey they start living together it could be live-in relationship or marriage. If its marriage, they obviously thought they were in love and compatible enough to make the relationship last forever. They asked their parents, if they said no they fought back, if it was yes they had a lavish wedding just like our arrange marriage couple. OOOOOR they went for live-in which is better, no parents in picture still, same tricky adjusting to habits part comes. They fight, get through financial emotional problems together as the arranged one does. Unless of course one of them just isn't strong enough to walk out. In arrange marriage too, people could walk out like many couples i have seen. After live-in, couple could either get married or just stay happy or separate. Still choice remains.
Why do they keep comparing both love, arrange when they are all most same. Different if the guy is in a joint family and now the girl has to live with all of them, here its totally unpredictable. I couldn't survive in that scenario like my brother's wife.
So the people involved in relationship are the deciding factor, not arrange or love keywords. If any of them break, there are hurt emotions and broken hearts. With arrange, there are so many hearts broken and whole judging society, with love its the same. Both of the men in these have to pay alimony. Its all same. With love, the blame is on you, with arrange the blame is on parents.
Either love or arranged, you end up sitting like this.
No comments:
Post a Comment