Searching for apartments in seattle : House Hunting decoded :)

This one has been long overdue. We saw like almost 150 apartments in seattle including 5 or 6 in bellevue and redmond. So I am not going to call myself an expert but I kinda am. See when it comes to finding apartments, I can just look at zillow or apartments.com and tell you if its worth it or not. Now everyone needs a different set of attributes in house, some want north facing some want it on ground floor some want like a townhome some of them care about gym others couldn't give a damn. Our must haves were hardwood, well equipped gym, swimming pool and awesome view. You will realize they keep changing as you look at apartments, at some point you just want to give in and settle in any apartment. Hopefully this post will help you a bit. In the end, I will share my favorite ones or the ones that had something special even though they were not for us.

Lets start.

1) Budget restrictions : You are the one who has to decide. For seattle I would say to get a decent apartment you need at least 1800 by 2015 standards. I have seen apartments that even went upto 2400 because of their view. The newest apartments are going to be costly, something with a view will cost more too. You can get almost double the size for the same price in redmond. Bellevue downtown is like seattle in terms of prices, may be a little lower with a more sophisticated family crowd or even younger crowd near lunchbox circle. Also sometimes people get lucky, one of my friends grabbed a townhome in STACK House for 2000 bucks, its cheap being so close to SLU. Decide your price, everyone spends 100 or 200 over it. We got our apartment 1bhk for 1900 in bellevue downtown and end up paying 200 to 300 extra as parking trash electricity water bills come up.

Wherever you go to see apartments, they will give you a total of all extra expenses. There is another option, there are condos that are owned by people opposed to apartments owned by a business group that can freely increase rent in an year by whatever percentage. These condos ads come up in craigslist, most of the condos come up with free parking and free storage with ample space as someone actually designed these as their home not to just rent out. Condo owners might ask for more deposit and 4 months of rent in advance which is difficult to come up with if you are new to country.

Consider all factors, decide the budget and browse apartments.com or forrent.com or which ever platform you are comfortable with.

2) Location restrictions:  If you work for amazon or somewhere in seattle, you would love to be in seattle. If you work for microsoft, redmond or bellevue will work for you. My husband works for amazon and still we took in bellevue. There is this awesome van pool facility so you can reach seattle in maximum 30 minutes, better if you have a car. Unless you are keen on staying close, all three areas can work for you. Most of the family people settle in redmond or sammamish which trust me is soo beautiful. There have been cases of power outage a few times in an year though in these far out areas. Young party goes prefer capitol hill.

3) House Appliances: Most of the apartments will come with washer dryer microwave oven and all the basic things like trash recycling chutes hmm concierge to pick up your amazon orders even curtains or blinds are all there. What differs is quality of appliances, kitchen granite, window sizes, ceiling height, pets policies on different sizes of dogs. Pay attention to what is important for you in apartment. Brand new apartments like stack house post walton lofts have the finest appliances. When it comes to using, its all your preference. Our dishwasher makes lot of noise, but there was no way to check before. Small problems will always creep up as long as it doesn't throw you off. New condos might have better ones.

4) Driving range: I like to walk so I wanted a place where there were supermarkets in a mile radius. If you prefer to drive to everything, then its no issue. QFC Safeway Whole Food kind of supermarkets are scattered all around the area. Some areas are a little scary to walk around in seattle like Downtown in night as there is loads of homeless people and Queen anne as you almost see no one after 7. If you  have a car, it doesn't really matter. SLU is dead in terms of restaurants and pubs.
Redmond is also called Dead-mond as it gets super cold and everything is blocks away.  See the apartment, if it suits you and you have a car, nothing should really bother you.

5) Carpet or Hardwood : Trends keep changing, I would say as long as kitchen has no carpet the apartment is acceptable. Yes, its easier to clean hardwood, for carpet we feel guilty if we don't clean up once in at least 2 weeks. When you buy a vaccum cleaner for carpet, make sure its strong and picks up deep gone food too. We tried to find apartments with hard wood too, they are less in number but they exist. In redmond, most of the apartments are carpeted. Carpet definitely helps with cold weather apart from being super comfy.

6) Kitchen : There are kitchens with black granite black appliances, there are kitchen with white applicances too and white board. Also look for minute details like cupboard space in kitchen, in some of the apartments they have extra space for stocking up costco. Redmond has bigger kitchens with more space. For a family of four , I would say its preferable. For two, seattle has enough apartments. Some apartments come with two sinks, others come with one. For some washer dryer comes in kitchen which is weird. For some its in washroom and then there are some that have it right on door. Condos have amazing kitchens as people designed it to use themselves.

7)View or not:  We were looking for majestic views and we saw so many with it. The only downside sometimes was they lacked some other property or they were just too costly. There are condos with amazing views too. Since seattle is surrounded by mountains and water, you never know which apartment will be a gem. Queen anne area has nice view apartments, then Bellevue has promising views too. Downtown has a few that are right on water, ohhh there is so much to see. You do pay more for the view though.

One of our friends actually lives in a cabin in jungle where he has seen bears coming by. Phew, other one owns a farm and drives all the way from mt rainier. Then there is this guy who uses water taxi from alki beach. Yeah there is a beach where you can live in seattle. Seattle is the kind of place where you can have a mountain view on one side and water city view on other side.
There are apartments where you can tie boats, go kayaking and play cricket basketball, go on miles and miles of nature trails. Rains are overrated, I have lived here six months and its just pleasant. We moved in from a super hot place and this weather here is so surreal, its almost spiritual.

I can see full range of cascade and olympic mountains from my house and on the other side I see space needle with partial water view and amazing city view. My friends in redmond have their private lawns overlooking trees and parks which is soothing too. Its all your choice.

8)Homeless or not : Seattle is homeless friendly city. So every nook and corner you see them. Most of the times they don't cause nuisance but sometimes they do, in SLU there is a rehab centre where almost every midnight some homeless guy would abruptly swear and shout. Capitol Hill has reported  a few shootings in QFC and downtown every signal you hear care for a dollar. Its not that bad, just when I saw bellevue and redmond , it was better. You can always smell weed on them which is totally cool as long as it gives a little high. There is no homeless here in bellevue and redmond.

9) AC or not : Do we need air conditioning in seattle? If  I came here in november, I would have probably taken house without AC but we saw how it was in march , june and september. It was hot hot, some people can but it was difficult for us to cope with it. Then there is no balcony and windows in houses, there is mosquitoes outside too and it rains. I would suggest, one with AC or the option of having it when you need it is not a  bad deal.

10) Townhome or Apartment : This one is purely individualistic. We prefer apartment, we saw so many townhomes in redmond but it just didn't appeal to us. One of the reasons was redmond communities do not offer classy fitness centers or swimming pools. If you can join a club, its cool but we are lazy and we wanted everything in one place. New apartments have a shine to them, some of the townhomes and their carpet looked like you could imagine kids walking over without diapers with choclates. They even smelled funny like old and rustic. Seattle is more crowded since it is a city where amazon is turning streets to offices hiring minions day and night.

11) Swiming pool and Gym : This was one of the major reasons why most of the apartments failed. Most of the apartments do not have a swimming pool. If they do, its outdoor. In redmond, all the apartments except one or two have an indoor heated pool . But then the gym that comes with it is sad with two treadmills. Also , some of the apartments claim to have a gym but its nothing more than a few terrible excuses for not working out. Seattle has a few and bellevue too, I am making a list down in this post. The scene is not soo devastating,  a few of them have yoga studios dance lessons personal trainers. Its all there, we just have to find.

14) Parking : Now parking is a big issue in seattle. Every apartment requires a parking fee. Its free in redmond if you don't go for closed parking. Its charged like 40 bucks if you take closed one. In seattle, it goes to 200 dollars a month for parking in downtown. In bellevue, its 100 dollars a month. It might increase so the stats are valid till jan 2016 only. Condos offer free parking

15) Closet space: Seattle has tiniest apartments possible for a price that is too much. We saw an apartment that was like 500 sqft for 2400. Just no reason, they charge because they simply can. A few societies actually planned better and offered so many closets. Some of them were just disappointing, a coat closet and a bedroom closet. There are walkin closets in apartments too. The ones that are not so new are going to have more wardrobes. Redmond obviously wins here. Bellevue pretty much has a mix, so if you move  a little away from bellevue you will find more space. Condos can offer more space too, just be on the lookout.

16) Gas Range : Sadly, its all coils . There is only one apartment called axis that had an actual gas range. Coils aren't so bad, just when something boils down you have to take out and clean up. If you can find an apartment with glass surface, its better, just spray and clean. Again, condos might have gas range as its personalised. Its difficult to cook some indian dishes on coils. You have to work with what you are given.

17)Grocery Stores : There is grocery stores near Queen anne. If you can drive, its not a problem. Then there is instacart and safeway that do home delivery. Bellevue downtown as QFC Safeway Uwajimaya Wholefooods all in one mile radius. It helps as there is no single store I can pick everything from. Costco walmart are in different directions. Redmond has Sears walmart Indian grocery stores all in the same hood. Come to think of it, redmond is not so dead but you have to have a car to be there. Uwajimaya is best for vegetables, safeway for delivery. Then there is different people, different priorities. I didn't choose to be in vicinity, its after moving in I realized these things were there. Capitol hill has everything too except good gyms and swimming pools.

18) Things to do : For someone who loves nature, redmond sammamish is the best. Take out your bikes or go for walks. For someone who wants to be in city, seattle westlake avenue area, capitol hill is probably better. Then for families , redmond of course rules the scene. There are all kinds of pubs restaurants in bellevue too. There is lincoln movie theatre. Then redmond has crossroad mall which isn't that great. There is outlet mall which is out somewhere. Any place is just 20 minutes more if you start from seattle so again not a big big deciding factor.

19) Balcony : This is such a rare luxury. Seattle has a few apartments with balcony. Redmond has most of them with balconies but they are dirty sometimes. Then there is bellevue downtown with rare small balconies. Balcony was a must in our list but we gave it up eventually over pool gym AC.

20) Pets : Pets are welcome everywhere in all the apartments. There might be a few breed restrictions so check with your leasing agent when you go. They charge you some monthly expense and there is a refundable fee too.

21) Maintenance : Most of the communities boast of a proper maintenance but if its too shady, you might have to bear the cost. Condos are a problem in this scene as for every problem you  have to contact owner. If its a self maintained society, then there is no problem. There are portals to pay rent, pay water bills, lodge complaints. Its all sorted.

22) Guest suites : I love love this option. There is a an option of booking guest suite so if someone comes, you can book a suite for them in your own apartment. Its not cheap but its worth the price if you want 4 people to stay in 600 sqft. Its  a blessing when parents come.

Other things that apartments offer are media rooms, pool tables, your own party halls. I would recommend seeing some apartments for sheer luxury. By swimming pool I mean indoor heated ones By AC air conditioning.

Here goes the list of my favorites and worth mentioning ones:

1) HARBOR STEPS, Downtown : This one had everything, indoor swimming pool , spacious rooms, big closets, balcony, views of water or wheel and their floor plans are so different. The only downside was parking fees and homeless downtown area. This one is worth looking for. Its a bit old so appliances will not be so new. Its almost perfect.

2) Amli Bellevue Downtown : Amli's property in SLU was a bit on higher end but their quality and construction is modern. This one in bellevue downtown has a professional gym with indoor heated swimming pool. The only downside for us was it didn't have any views. For families, its the best facing bellevue downtown park where you can see fireworks play holi or just play with kids. Its closer to shops and their parking charges were minimal. Their apartments were nice too.

3) CIrrus : This one was beyond our budget. You have to see this one to witness luxury at its best. Their rooftop deck is to die for. When you workout you see water and sunset.  They have the best hangout areas with tvs personal couches. No swimming pool though but still its one of a kind. Air conditioning obviously comes.

4) Olympus : Olympus can offer amazing views with great space. Like serious space. Their apartments had almost a mini bar space. No good gym for us so rejected. In fact all the apartments in elliott have olympic park view and water. Sunset view and ships passing by, its pretty spectacular.

5) Fountain Court : Okay no view but  a good gym and swimming pool. Its surrounded by lots of restaurants and its pretty affordable.

6) Stack House : Their appliances are really the best since they are new and there is AC. Their 2bhk is so posh looking, you will sign lease there. You can get lake's view there along with fireworks that happen like twice in an year. Townhomes offer a great deal.

7) Tower 801 : One word, balcony not just one there's two to them and air conditioning. The view could be great, gym swimming pool were not good. The apartment space was good and well planned.

8) Metropolitan : This one is the best. They have view, gym, swimming pool, blacony , spacious apartments, almost acceptable rent rates and parking charges. This one is a catch. We wanted to book this but we had already booked our bellevue apartment which is way better for us.

9) Neptune : This one too was on top. There is no AC, but there is well thought space closets view, there is this small yet all machine gym, a media room you can book for free, a games room. Its almost like a perfect one. There is no swimming pool but prices are way better. Their is balcony too facing lake.

10) Alto : I like alto apartments, they have utilized space wisely. Gym was okk, apartments were considerably smaller and prices were more. The whole finishing of the apartments was nice.

11) Post : Ohh this was perfect too, they didn't have swimming pool but the views ohh you will faint when you see their water facing apartments with glass windows. I would say check it out for experience and if it fits your budget, this one is a royal one.

12) Via 6 : So this one has a really good gym. If you are not a swimming pool frantic, go check this one out too. Its new, its got restaurants with breakfast events going on. Who doesn't want a bar downstairs. Their apartments come with balcony, yeah they do.

13) Sidney Moda : These two are for simple people with basic needs. They have ample space and sunshine coming through.

14) Aspira : Ohh aspira offers relatively better prices for the views n all amenities it offers. Their rooftop deck is nice and gym worked for us. They had one apartment on 31st floor going for 1600 bucks.

15) Elements bellevue downtown : This one had it all, swimming pool gym with trainers but their appliances are too noisy. They have AC option but it takes a little while to heat up. They do offer amazing views but it is mostly filled with students. This one is not a bad option though. There is lunchbox, french bakery, tokyo steak all nearby. If you are not into swimming pool, you can remove this from list.

16) Dimension: I liked this one, views AC apartment space but the prices were a little too much. Their rooftop deck offers 360 degree view of seattle. Its pretty cool. Gym was okkish. No pool of course. Their kitchen and appliances were top notch like alto and cirrus.

17) Centennial : Its right above petra. They have gym pool view nice apartments with space, everything. It looks a bit old but this one is really nice. We didn't like the concierge with glasses as she was a bit too full of herself, same for alto leasing agent who acted like a movie start. Come on, we are looking for houses so doesn't matter. Parking charges were more too. It was 3rd on my fav list.

18) Cielo : This one was a charmer. It had the best gym in all of seattle bellevue downtown, not kidding. Best rooftop, best space management and so went up prices. They have nice city views. Do check this one, I recommend it. If you can find a deal on lower floor, its worth it. All of the apartments like metropolitan centennial cielo have less prices for first 8 floors. Prices increase as floors go up . Also, if a friend already stays in an apartments refers you, it gives you and him few bucks.

19) Harrison square : The apartment that he showed us blew us.  A full bedroom size patio imagine with whole water line mountain line view of sunset and to top it you can see it from all of the house. The space was a little less for us but if we were bachelors with less baggage, we would have signed lease then and there. There was no pool but gym was nice.

20) Elliott 2300 : Elliott has one of the coolest apartments with mind blowing views. Prices are less, you compromise on something but you should check out if you are a view person or you like to run as there is olympic sculpture park. Audrey in belltown has swimming pool too.

21) Riverpark in bellevue redmond :  Balcony, Gym, Spacious apartments, affordable prices, trail that goes right from back of building. Their modern finishes appliances its all worth paying for. No swimming pool.

22) Vista and redmond hill : They have view, an indoor small pool, an okk gym and big houses. Not bad for a family. Actually these were the only ones I liked in redmond. Then there is redmond park apartments where all of my friends moved. There is Lakes apartments which I was about to move in, there is no indoor pool but other amenities are nice. Redmond comes with balcony lawn. Redmond court and Eaves are nice too. Eaves has indoor pool with not so good gym. All of them have coils in kitchen.

23) Axis seattle : It surprised us. A gas burner, amazing view from deck, balcony, better gym than redmond combined except riverpark. You might love it. Also joules in capitol hill is liked by my friends. Windsor heights near redmond trail is super spacious and nice.

24) Insignia and olive 8 are the coolest condos ever : GRab them if you get them. Seriously.

I am done for like a week now. Do move in inspection before you move into an apartment. Take photos. There is tons of houses out there. I know its frustrating looking for house. Go on weekends, make prior appointments, carry something to eat and drink, make videos and discuss when you come back. Be nice and open to leasing agents. And yeah enjoy. If you really like an apartment, book it as the good ones are gone in a day.

How to live in Chennai ? Pros of chennai life

I am not a hard core north indian. We are from madhya pradesh which means we are as neutral about food n lifestyle as they come. Its pretty straightforward for us with no biased roots, we don't have delhi fashion genes like my sister or bangalore urban love like most of our IT friends or food love like pune  people. You can mould us to love what we find simple and convenient. We moved in chennai in 2010 and lived there almost 5 years. Those five years shaped us for our upcoming life so perfectly. Some of things we picked up in chennai were socializing with older families and kids, drinking in pubs and dancing till feet hurt, relaxing near beach even if its super hot and humid and those sangeetha breakfast combos alongwith staying in most raved about expensive resorts. Its all so far apart and still we infused it all in. It all happened because of chennai.

I am going to express my love in chennai in next few paragraphs. Chennai has a cool vibe to it. If I was ever willing to settle in india, it would be chennai anyday. Why you ask ?

Simplicity of City just struck me. This city has everything from vijaya mall to local pubs. Whats even more striking is you fit everywhere in chennai. No one judges you. These people are simple and more concerned for their families, they don't have the time to waste on taunting north indians. I never saw this in any other part of india. Even when I go in my own city, I see eve teasing. Never once in 5 years, I was commented on even though I wore shorts to most local shops too. They don't want to be a part of hooligan culture. If you show them how much better you are, then they will not back off. As long as you fit right in, you won't face any problem.

Cool n Hot : We moved from bangalore where girls were using malls to show off all nice curves dresses which I don't mind at all. Then some day though you feel am I even entitled to be in mall with normal tshirt jeans wavy hair. Chennai doesn't care. I have seen girls dressed up like they are off to wedding then there are families in traditional wear then there are girls like me casually walking in slippers. HAHA chennai people don't give a damn. Wear whatever you want, even bermuda people are seen shopping. Its hot and they wear what is comfortable. Noone cares about fashion. Even if they do, people don't stick their eyes out to look at them. Basically, its super basic. The basic dress code for pubs is shoes just shoes for guys. There is no need to go dress shopping. Go casual. Kids who grow up in south india are so balanced, they are cool,smart, funny and still grounded. I can't say the same thing for north indians. A chunk of them are somehow trying to raise smart mean snobs.

Food : How can someone not like the food here? Its so nice, there are so many dishes you will never get to eat in north. South indian food is super healthy, their thalis are tempting. Their food is spicy, their sambhar has flavor, their rasam their podi. Then you have the luxury of dining out morning 6 to night 11 which isn't so bad. I know people want overnight places well they are there too. Have you tried bajji with masala? Have you tried nellore dosa? Have you tried appam with curry? For vegetarians specially, Chennai has so much to offer. People give up saying there is no north indian food. Well, there is sooooo much more to relish. How much writing this has tickled my taste buds. If your craving still says north, go bombay brassierie.

Restaurants with ambience : Ohh all you richie riches out there, try chennai's best restaurants like raintree or chola or leela palace or amethyst. You don't have beach view elsewhere,do you? I like how the pubs here work, I know they are open till 12 only, it just says start with happy hours :) Why I like them is the crowd is so sober, you have so much floor to dance on.Everyone maintains distance, there is no rubbing or bouncer scenes ever. There is tons of great people to chat with or just be on your table and enjoy. In fact food served is great too. People can be so choosy, they end up wasting time regretting when they could have just let loose and danced. I have seen girls in salwar suit in pubs all the time, simple whatever suits you whatever is comfortable and easy, go with it. Loved this flexibility of chennai. Have you been to GRT yercaud?

Location : Its hot and humid all year. Yep that part is true. The very first week I would faint whenever I went out, hemoglobin people. It was mid of may and then as we kept going out, our bodies adjusted. I liked the sun the heat. Also what you don't see is there is ocean breeze all the time. Oh my god, miss miss that breeze. Evenings with breeze are perfect for walks. September to January isn't even that hot. The beach was perfect on not so crowded days. Trust me, its beautiful if you go on not so touristy beaches. Try tiger caves near chennai or best book a nice resort in mahabalipuram with beach view. That beach my friends is awesome, its not clean but then I didn't say it was andaman you were staying in. Get a air conditioner, hire cabs , make the most of it.


Language Not an Issue : I have met so many people who are under the illusion that chennai has language problems. Well depends on who and what you work with. In 5 years of stay, there were occasional 2 or 3 times when we actually needed interpreter friends. Other than that, everyone speaks english or there are people willing to translate if you smile and ask for help. I am telling you language is not even an issue. They don't have the time to hate north indians or hindi, if they know bits of hindi they will try to talk to you. We judge too much.

South Indian cinema : Have you ever tried south indian movies? They are full of drama action, in 3 hours they show a fully packed entertaining movie. What you are too sophisticated to see their well thought stories. I stopped seeing bollywood movies after this. There is so much to see in tamil movies, dhanush rajnikant act like they are the character not like a certain shahrukh or salman. Have you seen bahubali or moonu or endhiran? Expand your movie rack, get and see these movies. I am telling you good direction story writing is here. Bollywood is just a few families making all money in same dynasty with breakup love crap. At least south cares about their audience. You have to book early to see movies here but its just 120 bucks, can you imagine even popcorn costs more than that. They have all hindi english movies too. Have you been to luxe cinema, its so gorgeous.  Come on people, everything is here.

Changed my Perspective : Give it some time, city will accept you. When we would go back, everyone had the same questions n views. Chennai south indian, everyone is so black ( wanted to slap this person so badly ) they just eat rice ( in way more tastier forms you can imagine) they are rude to north indians( their language sounds rude, its just the way they talk ) they are fat and big( so many in north are fat and sick). I don't hate north but people should not judge someone on basis of their color or food, we are all born with flaws. Hmmm chennai taught me to be humble and still posh at the same time. You can have audi and still wear loongi. Why is it weird? Just coz well dressed people in suits own money is it? Chennai has taught me to me so much more acceptable of different food n different kinds of people from kerala, karnataka, tamil nadu, andhra. Did you know they  have awesome homemade biryani masalas? Then there is this dal masala that you add to rice dal, so yummy. I had a muslim friend in her 70s who cooked the best keerai(greens) curry you could have, then there was this chinese who got me hooked to different kinds of noodles. This city has the perfect mix of people who are open, independent with no insecurities. Women are so classy, kids are not brats, men are humble and simple. All this simple mindedness saves time and money. The peace and happiness that comes in letting go is just beyond explanation.

Who do you think is more confident? A lady who gets up 2 hours before to just put on makeup and perfect dress or the one who stands tall operating a idly shop in her gajra( flowers put on hair) . She doesn't give a damn if you judge her.  I am not against anyone, just saying this city this place gave me the best years best people best learnings of my life. Be receptive to everything. Smile and world smiles with you. Respect their culture. Wherever you go, pick nice qualities from folks n places, everyone has something you can imbibe in. Make yourself better, not bitter.

Things Married Grownups Want To Tell Indian Parents : Loose those strings please

 There are so many times I wanted to write this. I just had no courage to pen it. Its a controversial one and it might even portray me as a hater. If you are a practical parent, please read it for yourself and your grownup kids. Life's too short to be wasted on puny house quarrels or pity love. Find your own direction of solace. This goes to all parents and married kids.

1) Please take care of your health : Please take care of yourself for our relation to thrive. Yeah I know I might sound selfish if I say this out loud, but we do want them to take care of themselves. Take medicines yoga walks and regular visits to doctors dentists. Be in the healthiest state you can. If we know you are healthy, we have one less thing to think about. Trust me, that day we will brag how much our parents truly love us. No love is more important than self love. The more independent you are, more we will be motivated to see you.

2) Spend your money : There were times when family money was really looked for. Time has changed, everyone can save up enough with decent jobs to earn a living buy a home go on vacations. So spend your money the way you want. What are we going to do with your money? So just travel the world hire personal trainers or do whatever you always wished and just didn't have the money for. Life's so much more beyond relatives and stupid grownup kids.

3) Make friends around : Find your friends, I am not talking about the work ones or the ones that only discuss kids visits or parent abandonment groups. Hehe make some real friends you want to spend time with. Those besties you could just sit on  a lawn with play poker have tea. Who are not trying to show off. Just normal bunch like you would make  in college. Cultivate in friendships. These people will understand you way better than we young kids ever can.

4) Keep  a dog or a cat : If you are a pets person, keep a dog or a cat or any pet you want. Pets are best companions and give you unconditional love. At the age when you might not move around a lot, why not get this awesome creature who will follow you anywhere. Kids can never reciprocate your love. They have their own families , don't families make us selfish? Remember your times, don't you wish your parents had something better and more engaging to do other than running after your affection.

5) Rekindle your love : Most of the 80s 90s parents were lost in kids. They had us within an year of marriage which makes me wonder how much they ever knew that fun cool side of their partner. If someone gave me a kid, I would only see the caring and loving part of partner and those fierce fights. Of course you see a more divine form with kids but don't you wish you knew them before that. Like how they would react to certain situations or people or hobbies if kids came after some years. Rekindle that love from your angle with no kids in sight. Start dating again. Lavish dates on cruise are possible now huh. Woe them again. Bury those arguments fights that you have kept alive for decades. Just go with it.

6) Don't me so sentimental : After we moved U.S. we realized our parents became way more sentimental. They want more pics, more facetime more whatsapp updates, more visits and super long conversations on phone. We tried doing everything to satisfy their parental urges haha but the more we did more was expected. Well, stop being so emotional and I totally get it, its super hard to just let go of your children. Even birds leave kids when they can fly, they also spend significant time of their short lives raising kids. We are humans born with a much complicated higher purpose of finding tranquility. Find yours. Let kids be in their experience zone unless they really need help. Make your help a privilege not a burden for them.

7) Don't judge them :  As our parents age, they see the world with their retro glasses. I mean we all do it, its just that we have less to object to since this is our generation. Try talking to a teenager when you are almost 29, you will know what generation gap is. We are already cutting slack for parents but seeing we accepted your old generation rules, you should also try to accept our not so appealing requests. This present grownup hoard doesn't like to be kept track of or called for. Their space is so sacred there has to be a planned intrusion when you do it. Respect their rules too, if they are acting certain way without being rude to you, they are ticked off by something you did but they want to be respectful and act out differently like shutting off or having less conversations to maintain peace and love. So don't judge them, they are making the best of it striving for happiness everyday.This is not a conspiracy by your daughter in law or son in law. Its their life, it would take a fool or a sindhi to mix n match serials with life. They are just more comfortable when its just two of them. Accept it.

8) Be politely indifferent : Ellen said in her speech we should all be nice and kind to other humans. Trust me indians are really good at it, just that humans are relatives. We create our shells, protect it so we don't waste smiles on random strangers. Your kids are those strangers now. What do you do? Be polite to them at the same time be indifferent to their whiny needs and problems. Don't over indulge. When they call, talk nicely but don't hold those conversations to heart. If every time they call, you are just a nice funny entertaining person busy in their own life not some boring parent, trust me they will call you more. You ask less, they will tell you more. You probe too much, they won't call for months. Have a joyful conversation not a parenthood know it all seminar.

9) Respect our time : I have seen all parents just ask one question "When are you coming home " If you are not coming, we will come. Its like a reprimand or search warrant issued . You value your house, your car, your spouse hopefully, your daily routine, your friends, your job, your neighbors, your dinner parties, your relatives. Want to know what we value, almost same things. Sadly there is nothing in common. Our friends are too young for you. Our house has different rules. We are not trying to change you. Don't change us. We are evolving into something we aspire to be. When we come and see you, after 3 days we are missing our bed our friends our booze seriously. Don't take us for granted by home cooked meals with relatives. Make plans, lets go on some vacation where we can relax and have peaceful quiet time and occasional heart to heart talks. Ask us to make plans. Fix time date place. We hate when you drag us to friends or relatives of yours in name of quality family time. Its plain rude. Lets go where both of us can enjoy. At the best, just confirm with us. Who knows we might be interested in meeting people too. The point is we are not 8 year olds you can take wherever you wish to.

10) No questioning choices : Parents do this a lot. If I decide to quit job, they question. If I decide not to have a kid, they become demanding. If I just say no, they call me ill mannered. The official age for someone to grow up and make their own well informed decisions is 21. Okk you are indian you got the privilege till they were 26,stop already. Do not question our choices. We are all grownups making our life's path. We can chalk it the way we want. If you interfere too much, we will throw you out of the mix. Be the audience, don't try to be a character in the show. I know it hurts to see someone you love making a bad choice. Just live with it. Either they will come to terms bounce back or make the most of happiness in it. You don't want to be responsible for some other person's life, do you?

11) No money discussions : I just hate it when people ask us how much we are making how much we are saving. First of all, its sooooo rude then its kind of private. There is no need to ask us about our salary increments unless we tell you. Our money is ours to deal with. If we ask for suggestions, advise like you will do for any other person. Stay away from financial matters. We loath the fact that you choose to discuss it so freely without our permission. Stop telling your friends. Don't use us to show off or as status quo.

12) Space constraints : Remember those times when 10 people could sleep in same room. Back then, everyone earned less so hotel was out of question. Now that the houses have squeezed in size and money flow has increased, people value their space time so much. Would you like it if someone slept in your bedroom or your newspaper reading place was hacked for days? Would you like if someone fucked up your routine cooking with their version of food? Would you like it if someone stayed more than  a week in your house? If you won't then you do get what we go through. We were raised by you, but this other person I co-exist with is not used to our ways. Even I am not used to our ways our food anymore. Its stressful if you want to stay with us for months or even more than a week. We got to clean cook be on toes. Its out of life we live. Its like we are wasting few days. So again, less home time more vacation time. If we have the money, why not use it to be comfortable. Book a guest suite if possible so at least we can start off morning in no chaos.

13) Understand her/him : Try to understand your kid's partners. If they have the option, they want to be with their family too. They might call you mom dad but acceptance is a long process. Its non existent to be frank. I can tell my mother anything shout at her or tell her when she is wrong about blah blah trillion things. I can't do the same thing for partner's parents. It might offend them or push them off. She/He doesn't hate you. They just can't stand you after a few hours. You love your kid which gives you the motivation to live in this awkward environment of formalities. If someone has the option of being more themselves why won't they take it. Its got nothing to do with you. Your daughter in law might love you but she will always choose her family over you. She has an open comfort zone there. She puts up with you for her partner's sake. They are a family of two too, you are the extended family please accept. Don't blame spouses for not having you. Its a joint decision. I am friends with people from all walks of life, having kids no kids having jobs working as chefs etc etc. Everyone resonates the same fact, we do it for spouse. It does bother us a lot and 70 percent of them hate these awkward tiring stays. It bothers guys too, its just that they are somehow more comfortable than the respective spouse. You are basically playing with their life's balance.

14) No expectations : This one is for your own good. Don't expect anything. If you expect nothing and get something, it makes you happy. If you expect too much and get less, you whine n curse people involved. Don't bind your kids. Let them act on their own. Let them call when they want to. Let them decide when they want to have you. Don't guilt trip them, Don't force love on them. If they love you they will call back when they want to talk not when you want them to talk. Its difficult to control those urges of affection but with time it will pay off. Don't expect them to even take guests in just because you promised. People care about their life, ur kids are people too. Respect their house their relationship their time. Don't force them for anything.


15) We love you hmm We can't live with you : Come on, you hate our guts our cooking our version of cleanliness too. You don't like our do nothing attitude on  a sunday or meet no one saturday. Clearly, its evident. We see it we feel it, why don't you accept it too? We love you but we know the day we start living with you, we will hate you more we will fight more we will hate each other. I read an article that said we all need elderly advice so we should live with parents. Haha like anyone listens or acts on these elderly sayings. Lets not even think of living together. Whenever we meet, why  not make those times happy n fun. Why try to break a cool fun relation with expectations and space invasion?


17) Make arrangements : This one makes me feel bad too. I have looked into practical implications of everything and this is the solution. When our parents get old and sick we feel bad. Losing a parent has to be the biggest loss in life. Whats worse is someone wishing for them to be dead. This might happen if a parent is bed ridden for years. Human beings are selfish race who fall for frustration and chaos quickly. Do you really want us to be so devoted? I have heard stories where people cleaned up their parents shit because they couldn't leave bed. Its humiliating for you too. Find a nursing home or a retired people's society who will take care of you where you can live among friends and well wishers. Don't make us desperate. What will give us contentment is you were looked after properly by someone who did their job well not someone who resented it almost once in a day. Last years of life should be full of life and happiness not depending on busy jerks. If possible, write will donate it all to charity , just write it so none fights over it. Make funeral arrangements so we don't fuck up your last rites.  In short, even end of life should be on your terms. We don't care for money, just live it up.


18) Enjoy life to fullest : Enjoy life as we enjoy ours. Be happy Be peaceful Be you. Don't compromise . Live life you  always intended to. Live it to fullest. Don't let your happiness be in other person's control. Travel places enjoy weddings  pursue hobbies. Be on your own. Trust me thats the way god intended us to be. If we keep meddling in others' lives, our life suffers too. Yes kids are others too :)