Donts for Guests

Its such an obvious post to start with and pretty much every married woman has zillion inputs to give. But here's my version of what counts as a boundary cross. As an indian, we are expected to entertain guests no matter how distant how uncomfortable it makes you. So lets start with our list:

First of all, my kitchen is not yours

Until you really ask me what I would want to eat cook or even order, you really have no mom card here. I hate it when people come and they own the kitchen, cook potatoes which i hate, veggies i never eat, oil i couldn't have finished in an year gets finished in a week. Its not about the money, its just you feel no power in your own customized kitchen. I mean everyone has a diet regime they are used to. Frankly its rude just plain rude.

Second, no judging.

Ohh judging part is the worst. Do you even cook, why dress like this, how much did you buy it for, comb your hair seriously i mean how about mind your f***ing business.  I forgot the most used one, she's still sleeping. So if you sleep till 7 you are sleeping till 9, never understood that math. In your own comfort zone, you feel watched over like judged constantly for waking up having tea not making tea eating dinner cleaning plates or not. Almost every single chore is like written in daily diary and given ranking like a reality series. Some people are too nice to say but everyone is constantly doing it.

Third, don't wait up for lunch dinner breakfast snacks etc

You are not doing a favor by waiting for us to eat. Every  meal is not supposed to be taken together. I handle like a million things at home from buying groceries to paying bills. We will eat when it fits our schedule or just on the go. It just wastes more time and you feel guilty for making a hungry person wait which by the way is a sin. Is that what you are putting us for, sinning for carrying out our regular schedules. So please, eat up grownup children.

Next one is take me everywhere

This might not happen to everyone but every single time anyone visits, they want to accompany me like to gym, market, walks, apartments visits. The point of an outdoor activity is to get out of the routine , not to bring routine with you. I hate hate hate it when a slow walker wants to walk n talk. Its super frustrating and no that is not quality time. You kind of ruined my peace. There goes that hour of serenity. Don't you dare ask where I am going and why.

Give people space

Everyone needs space, its just natural to some of us for others its beyond comprehension. Super irritating when someone stands with shoulder rubbing against you or just talking in your ear and guess what most of the oldies relatives do it. Don't do it, its just like a throbbing pain in the brain. Damn annoying. Sense the space part. If you can't get in your own home, where will you get it. Also, ask people if they have room for you before arriving alone or with friends family. Tell them in advance how long you intend to stay. 

Never ever pick remote

You are in someone else's convenient comfortable adobe, like you they have favorite shows  to watch for. Be a good guest, do not touch the remote. I have seen crappy old movies or news or stupid soap operas, I have witnessed home invasion like anything. I just mumble to a corner, it is somewhat like a homeless feeling. Like aliens take over the whole space you ever knew. Yes, it is that traumatizing.

Clean up the mess

Well, everyone is messy for some clean freak. I might not be one of those proud sparkling kitchen owners, but yeah my home my way. Make some efforts. What I have seen is some people cook like they wasted half of the flour on kitchen platform, all the yellow spots veggie scraps are just not pretty to clean up. Ask and follow. Also, no one likes to clean your bathroom. Don't leave those filthy hair balls and toilets after you give us the pleasure of you gathering your belongings and leaving home. Clean up the bedsheets you used, scrub the toilet so we don't unfriend you from every possible social media.

Dress Up

Its not a beautiful sight to wake up to. Most of the older guys are used to like wandering around in their lungis and white vest. In your home, its pretty comfy but in my home, its just plain vulgar. Yeah I used the term. I am not a fan of dressing up too, hell I am dressing up for everyone when I could have just gone around in t shirt shorts. Just see it as like respecting someone's morning. Also women, don't want to see your jiggly bums out of that high school nightwear. Cover up while you are in my space or just leave.

Hotel Booking

If you call the person whose house you intend to stay , by any ounce of courage if they drop the word "hotel", Book it. I know the motto "atithi devo bhav" but that was when people couldn't afford staying in hotels. Now hotels are cheaper, houses are smaller, hearts are way too small and trust me those 10000 bucks you just saved will be like 100 bucks in future. 

Don't make people wait

Yeah If someone offers to drop you on their way to office or help with apartment hunt or even make you tea, never ever make them wait. Just hop in or tell them you will figure out something on your own. I am telling you, just like you have an office or college timing everyone else has too. If you mess with someone's morning office time, you fucked up the day for them. No one likes the family that thinks they are way too chilled to stick to timings.  Mornings are chaotic , its extremely rude to put your own comfort over others in their life space.

I am sure there is a thousand other ways these intruders can damage your peace and ruin your days. I am not angry, just wondering why always hosts are given the eye and guests just walk on rosy bed. So to be a gracious guest, call ahead make your hotel bookings meet for dinner or  just be as nice as possible if it comes to sharing space. People make conscious efforts like cleaning up house, cooking in advance , sending cab details, washing towels sheets as soon as you announce you are going. Be thankful and appreciative by acting in a civilized manner. Those old old times when 3 families could lay mattresses and sleep or just hang out peacefully are gone. Everyone loves their space life and routine, respect and be courteous. Its a favor, acknowledge it.

P.S. Don't buy gifts for people unless they are expensive dates or fragrances