What is fitness really ? Is it physical , mental, spiritual ? What is it we should be seeking ?

To give you a little background, my mother fell sick when I was 10. She had terrible stomach pain and kept vomiting which went on for over an year. Doctors told her she wouldn't survive till 40. Her body was weak and she had kidney problems blah blah. Yep, I am kinda glad they did tell her that. That was what drove her to live for us for herself. She was just 29 then. Who would want to die so early and live with such a terrible illness ? We saw her trying different things like eating jalebi at 5 or seeing various ayurvedic homeopathic doctors. What ultimately helped her get out shaped all our lives for future and it was lifestyle change to healthy eating and yoga.

I have always felt strongly about eating vegetables like oppo squash or chinese okra ( lauki, gilki ) or sprouts or fruits or salad. Whatever is healthy, I had no problems eating it. She made it tasty, we didn't even realize how well we were treating our bodies. Fried food was like once in 2 months affair and sweets were reinvented with jaggery and wheat flour and less oil. It was her will to eat right which made us eat right. Potatoes sugar chocolates were not even a craving. Of course we had festival snacks like shakkarpara gujia but it wasn't a routine thing. She made us go for walks where we talked laughed our heart out which we still do when we meet.

She wasn't pleasing us with food. She wasn't serving us fried potatoes or sweets that any kid would relish on daily if given. It was reserved for special occasions like birthdays or festivals or rare sundays with guests. Why did she go through so much pain of keeping up when she could have made what my dad or other kids would go crazy for? Because she didn't see it as an option to live by. She wouldn't have survived on that lifestyle and she knew by bringing us in, she could help us too make better life choices. Now I am so proud of  her, she is 50 practicing advanced yoga and walks 4 kms a day. You can't walk with her, she is so fast and active. I brag about her all the time.  She even managed to increase my sister's height when it stopped at 4' 8". Yoga can do anything.

When I look around and see friends becoming foodies or hating certain vegetables, it makes me wonder why didn't their moms stop them and correct them when they could. Why they decided to be on good side of kids ? Your job is to parent kids not become their friends. By the way, my mom is my best friend. We were never kicked slapped or shouted at. They knew we would listen if they talked and discussed. My father once got mad and kind of raised voice, within minutes he came back and apologized. He said that is no way to talk to a person. I am sorry I raised my temper. Please lets talk about it. My dad is a peace seeker. I have never seen him shouting or complaining. He's so laid-back and chilled. I kind of got the perfect genes if you think haha keeping aside the physical mom genes.

Then I got married to this guy with six packs. I had gained a bit because I slugged off in college. His fitness goals exceeded my normal small town talks. It wasn't just about food or walks or peace. It was about extensive training to train your body ninja style. Our bodies are capable of doing so much, almost everything any performer does our body can do. I am on that path now which trust me is super hard and sometimes you  just want to give up which I always do. The moment I give up is the moment that could change my life if I put in just half more time and effort. We are not so boring though, we drink we get stoned and then we eat salad. As long as everything is in moderation, it won't hurt.  So where really is the balance?

So how should you really go about physical fitness and mental spiritual path? I tried it all, so I do think I know the path that is worth treading.

If you have never ever worked out in life because you were fit or you never crossed paths with the idea I guess I must tell you its not about losing weight. Nah, you could be the skinniest person and sickest one at the same time. If you are going gym to just lose , don't do it. You will bounce back for sure and gain even more.

Are you willing to change your habits though? As you age, your body loses lots of things, most of them are the important ones like metabolism alcohol capacity  which is a blessing in disguise because a glass of wine makes you drunk and sleepy :) What to do in gym? Ohh I will go on treadmill and listen to music and come back or lift a few weights and come back. That won't help either. Been there done that. You have to be able to do a range of motions with your body. Can you do 30 perfect pushups? Can you do 50 squats? Can you do a full HIIT workout without gasping? That determines your fitness level. Machines can never give you the same results. Bodyweight training is important. There is this friend I hate, she joined ballet for a month and then she was like I go gym I do my stretches I run and I come back. She thinks she's gonna lose. I don't think so. You have to burn calories not tick off on calendar. Ohh inner peace help me out with this friend I loath to core.

So try my idea. First of all , take dailyburn for a month. Try all their workouts with whatever you are doing in gym. Then move to beachbodyworkout and take their workouts. Better do these with scoobyworkshop workouts for beginners. Then move on to your favorite trainer or you might not even need one. This is what helped me truly in physical aspect. There is miles to go, kickboxing mountain climbing  dancing. As soon as you do dailyburn, observe dancers you will see how much their bodies are flexible.   No its not bollywood thumka baraat dancing, see shahid kapoor dancing that is awesome body workout. I envy you if you can dance like shahid. I know there are way better dancers out there but he was the first one who popped up in my head. I can now walk 8 kms  which is not a lot but then I started with just 2.Flexibility with strength and endurance should be the focus not biceps triceps. And yeah for god's sake don't even talk about those medical cholesterol thyriod tests that claim you are healthy. My aged relative got a perfect score on those and still can't walk on those knees with overweight stature. Also, walking sucks, it doesn't burn any calories. Walk for peace music saving bus fare but health is not even slightly affected. You got to run.

Next one is food. You got to eat healthy. No one can really google recipes for you and don't be the person who brags about their morning honey lemon tea. Nah, a person who eats healthy is eating all day, they can't really tell all they ate for breakfast lunch dinner. Start with less oil sugar potatoes and rice once in  a week. Then incorporate yogurt salads sprouts eggs in your diet. Try to eat early by 8pm. And then there are thousand other tips when you google. So find your healthy routine for food. Don' t go on salad soup diet. It doesn't work unless prescribed by dietician. Better, get a diet chart made for you. Snack healthy too. Once in  a week, cheat diet doesn't mean you end up eating pizza burger all . Stop sugary drinks. As soon as you feel body change, you will yourself stop eating junk.

Last one is mental peace. Well, find your inner peace. I can't write just one paragraph for it. If someone drops a glass, one person will shout other will just sing and clean. Whats done is done, let it go be happy with your life. Whatever hampers your peace, throw it out or talk it out. And do read more articles on inner peace. I haven't tried meditation yet that is the next step for me.

Take out time for yourself , what is the point of working for others or job all day when you don't have time to work on yourself. Your body will crumble and fall if you don't take care. Look at your parents. And then look at milind soman. Seriously, what is with me today giving all indian celebrity examples. Anyways yeah get motivated, workout as a couple, meditate together, go on long nature walks. Life is simple, don't make it complicated with work and relatives. They give you nothing literally nothing. Do it for you.

What I shouldn't have really packed for US ? Ultimate throw off list, hoarders are gonna hate this one ;) ;)

Hmm now that its been almost an year here, I see certain bags and things just lying around utilizing space. If it was to me, I would have eliminated these too. Here goes my throw away list :

1) Bulky Beds or furniture in general : We got this heavy one from india, its too heavy even if you take the parts out. Everytime we think of moving even in the same building, this one will be the hugest hurdle. So yeah sell it there. Here you are the packers movers.

2) All gadgets with indian chargers or plugs : We brought in a home theatre and ps3 from india, its cool it works but I think you can't really hang on to converters all the time. Its risky with plugs. Also, they are not under warranty or service. There are so much better products you can buy.

3) Flour pulses rice etc : There is no need to bring anything except spices or snacks from your favorite local shops. All the pulses rice kinds flour kinds mtr maggi junk are available in indian stores. There is no need for extra baggage.

4) Extra clothes : Bring only your best clothes. If its more than 2 years old or rugged or faded, throw it. All those traditional clothes too, if they are not good, donate. You will hardly wear them and they will just occupy space.

5) Quilts : There is no need to carry these too. There are better and weather friendly options here. You will never feel cold inside home so you don't really need these things. AC quilts should do. Never pack curtains.

6) Cookers pans ladles : For kitchen, I would say just get dishes and plates mugs. After a while, you are going to buy pans here, cookers here. They are better, affordable and less messy. Its time to move on from those ancient devices. They even have a yogurt maker which made me feel really ignorant when my friend recommended to buy one. Get rid of old chopping boards while you can.

7) Shoes sandals : The same clothing rule goes, if its old and lies in corner there, it will end up taking more space. Throw away old shoes, old sandals. They don't look good, they don't really work here. While you are at it, throw those socks too.

8) Medicines stock : Everyone says you should pack indian medicines, well you should but not like a full year quota. As soon as you get insurance, everything is covered. Carry basics like antibiotic or special prescriptions like vitamin d or iron. Other than that, there is no need to carry cold cough vomiting blah blah medicines. They are available in all the supermarkets .

9) Hanging watches or photoframes : I personally don't like hanging anything on walls if its a rented house. So I wouldn't pack things like these.

10) Jackets Coats Sweaters : If they are new, yeah bring them but if they are old and only worked in indian cold, you will not need them. Get rid of them, donate them. They just don't work for this cold.

11) Papers papers : Eliminate all the papers if you can. All those extra diaries notebooks hmm not worth it really.

How a new generation husband evolved? What husbands must do?

Hmmm what husbands must do? Obviously this is not for everyone. Its only for people who truly want to have a happy life and are willing to sacrifice some of their childhood learnings. We all I mean us the married ones grew up in 80s 90s. We are the ones that are the transforming generation which just means we got to push a lot. Our parents are not really coping with time which is no way linked to operating facebook or twitter. Our kids are going to be the generation that follows North West or Shahrukh's son. It calls for a doom discussion. How is one supposed to balance?

First of all, take your own water and food. On weekdays, start helping your wife even if she's a home maker. Helping doesn't mean serving yourself proudly. It means you got to bring something to kitchen. Learn how to cook. Most of my friend's husbands are awesome cooks. They know how to make the most basic food in kitchen and some of them prepare whole meals too. So yeah, to catch up so your kids transform easily, enter kitchen, make what you like most, prepare something delicious and involve kids too. I surely hope its not a one time story. It shows your kids you are a team and all of the work is equally divided. So when he has to get water or juice from refrigerator or put dishes in sink after rinsing, mom will not do it. Wives also need to take a step back and let people in. Sometimes moms want to do it all which goes way under appreciated. This is what guests will also see and contribute to their max. Even if your mom or her mom come, help her so they see that you two can manage it all.  Let people pick after themselves, don't enter that super mom super wife super daughter in law mode. Cooking together is way more fun that watching tv alone.

Secondly, discuss before you commit. I am going to go by example, if you live with your friends and someone calls and says dude I want to stay for like a month. Do you just say yes or consult all your roommates if they would be okk with the idea of someone staying that long? I think most of us will be super polite and unless we know everyone is okk there is no way we will say all right to the friend. Do that with your wife too. She is your roommate for life, if a friend calls and you invite them for dinner without asking, its hurtful for her. Never do that. When your mom calls and asks if she can stay for a month, ask your wife. Its general courtesy. I am not even going to go in all the relationship logistics. Be prepared for negative reactions. Always see it as what if my wife did the same? All you weeping girls missing their moms and calling them for months, stop it please. Your husband suffers too. You are calling a person who will always be on your team. At least discuss beforehand. This is what a healthy relationship is, there should be no dominance from either sides.

Thirdly,  listen to each other. We are so involved in our daily chores we forget to listen to our spouses. What does she like? What bothers her? Changing yourself bit by bit for the good reasons doesn't make you "joru ka ghulam " or "sati savitri ". If he doesn't want to go grocery shopping, start ordering online or find friends who can pick stuff for you whenever they go or you can get it yourself. If you don't want to make potatoes, tell him the reasons. I have realized if you open up and answer all the whys whats calmly, it bonds you even more. They know you better if you tell them why something specific hurt you or why you avoid meeting certain people. You don't have to wait 20 years to tell someone their coffee sucks, there are gentle ways of telling it. Love is a strong force. Your kids should witness it, that is how they will learn how to resolve problems without suppressing. Just feeling love isn't enough, use your love to face these unruly situations. I love her, what can I do to change her mind or make myself feel heard? I love him, how do I tell him what i want without hurting his feelings.

Fourth one is don't ever shout or raise your voice. It goes for both genders. We get it the naggy whiny angry feelings of not getting the result. Before we go to these extreme triggers of bursting out, there are inherent signs like not agreeing fully or not putting your point or not getting enough time together. Look into those and solve them peacefully. If a kid sees father shouting or getting angry, kid understands that this is a valid way of putting your feeling across. Just shout and you will get what you want. Teach your kids to stand up for themselves but there is no need to resort to these unhealthy ways of expression. Whenever you get angry, count to 10 and come back, express yourself. If there is too much frustration, join gym or kickboxing class.

Fifth one is never involve third party. Yeah third party it could be friends or family or relatives. For small problems, never involve anyone else. Two of you can solve every problem in household from buying to cooking to raising kids. You don't really need any other person towering or observing. When you disagree on something, don't seek out people to agree with you. Don't narrate your quarrels to anyone unless it really moves on to physical mental abuse.

Next one is changing the person . Indian society gave us few molds like cultured daughter in law, modern daughter in law, modern cultured dil, the one we can ignore dil. Every person is born different, why would you want to snatch their individuality and make them like a factory churn mold. Girls try to change their husbands by limiting their alcohol or friends. Guys do the same by asking to look upto their mothers sisters more. Its way too conservative. If a person is doing an activity in control and it gives him excitement. Why snatch away? In fact the whole point is to become better. Learn from each other how to make the most of life. If he wants to buy tv with his own money, let him. If he wants to get a bike, let him. If she wants to try drinking with you, try it. If she wants to cook her family recipes, let her. Merge don't carry on the family names to grave. Create your unique combination. What our parents did was best with the amount of resources money and exposure they had, we have endless ways of educating ourselves. Don't waste it.

Why do we judge so much?? Rise above, get a better you

Over last two weeks, I met almost all of my friends to just kinda weigh who is the worthy one to carry on our friendship Nah I wish I did though and broke up with a few of them then and there. So being a coward and no views blog writer, I decided to publish my findings here.

The whole interaction made me think " Why do we judge so much " We do we all do. We are not nice plain people, we are all constantly deliberately weighing each other in terms of whatever field we excel in.

I met this girl who was in her late 20s looking for a job all flustered and me being me I put on the nicest comfortable zone out there. She preyed on me literally killed me. Whenever I met her, it was power struggle from her side. I am just a failure in judging character specially when it comes to finding friends. Putting too much out there for people to exploit and make fun of is my specialty. While the good ones appreciate it, the normal struggling ones use it and put me down on every single conversations. I want to lean on people, have heart to heart strings which is like jumping in tiger's cell and calling a tiger merciless for hunting me. I am not saying she is not wrong, she's super conscious and insecure which pushes her to prove her worth and knowledge by refusing mine.

Why do we have to compare everything to our life's scale? If I have a husband, everyone should have one. If I have a car, everyone should have one. If I have a kid, everyone should do one. Its not a competition. For all we know, we are ants on some organic spaceship just pulling through. Don't be this person.

So how do we all practice it? Live by my recently acquired motto. Try to be happy all the time, if something is in way sort it out. Make the best of every thing. The more you resist, more you suffer. Live with it or change it. There is no other road.

First change that we all have to do is stop bragging about our lives. No one cares if you live in a house with badass tv or ultra lush balconies. Rather if you say, it brings peace to my life is more positive. Let others be happy in their life. Yeah everyone loves their house. Stop judging people's lifestyle. When you meet someone, talk about common interests like shopping or vacationing. Don't start showing off everywhere. You can only get friends if you are genuinely bonding, not calculating their life's decisions and wealth.

Second one is the hardest one for me. Don't gossip. It is so tempting. I like listening to other people's in-laws stories which even inspired a post or two from my side. Its terrible. You are feeding on negativity of someone's life. I started thinking and judging everyone from some college friend's horrible life perspective. We all have different lives, different set of people around us. So considering treating everyone the same is a stupid idea. Also when you participate in this kind of shared environment, you feel a minute sort of hatred building up inside you. Like, ohh my mother in law will also do this. She could be the finest understanding piece in mother in law stock and still you will never see her true form. Decide according to your life, make decisions and discuss with people. Tell them if you have space issues or food issues or stay issues. Discuss it all. Who knows there is a solution out there. After all of this, is they fail you, then go ahead vent it out. Don't give up on people before trying. Don't gossip among friends too. It ruined my chennai group.

Third one is put on a mask. I know this is difficult. Unless you know how the other person is, never show them your true vulnerabilities. This mask has to be right mix of smart and kind. Meet people at least four times before you get too friendly. Everyone is assessing everyone. Its better to get good ranks, isn't it? Its also a way to avoid feeling judged in first few meetings. Once you know, you will be comfortable sharing parts of life with them. Before that, they will just weigh you. Put your best form out there.  There should be a by default personality that you use to impress even someone you wouldn't want to talk to. Be the best even when you are talking to that nosy relative you would prefer not to engage. Be nice to people but don't let them overpower you. The worst thing about being nice is trolls try to depress you.

Fourth one is be tactful and smart. Don't be a coward. We keep running from all our problems. Ohh this happens to everyone, don't fight it. Ohh all parents do that, don't fight. Every husband is like this, don't bother to change. No its our life, we can't run from it. If we want to live and flourish, we have to change what we want how we want and force or manipulation is not the key. People think they are playing some chess in real life and no one sees their moves. They are idiots. Solve it on base level. If you don't like a certain kind of lifestyle or you want to try something new, talk to your partner, make them understand. If you are feeling trapped, let people know. If you feel like you don't want guests, tell your guests nicely we can't accommodate you guys and apologize rather than living for a week and writing it in a post on blog.

Fifth and last one is respect all but respect yourself the most. We do this, we respect people's feelings so we don't reply. We want to be calm so we shut off. All people see is your lack of communication skills. If you don't have the guts to respect your opinion and make others believe in it, what is the point of living. Sometimes I don't talk to mean people or just avoid them in weddings, it just shows my inability to deal with certain persona. Feel confident, you don't have to taunt or enter heated arguments, just be calm and secure. As long as you do that, no one can taint your inner beauty. Fight for yourself in the most pacified way out there. Keep your inner peace guarded so no one can even touch it.

Lastly till the time you gain the personality that will help you fight off negative people, keep them at distance. Read books about personality development and relationships. Don't engage till you are ready soldier.

What to learn from Americans?

Whenever I thought of moving here, the thoughts were very raw. I guess the traffic will be less, people will be gorgeous and we will earn in dollars. As soon as we declared we were going, almost every relative we met was like do come back to india, the culture and what not talks. Are we all patriots, nah we are not. If we were, we would be working in some NGO or politics. So the fact that most of us like to use the term "hamara india " is kind of  a self affirmation to belong to culture values food etc. Its the need to belong to roots.
              I had an awesome life in chennai, I had classy friends pub fridays birthday lunches movie nights. It was complete. Now its been like 8 months and this is how US is changing me for the better. Try to imbibe these and you will do well in life.

1) Don't be over nice : When someone smiles, you start grinning like they did a favor. Or you just shut off, no smiles no hellos just minding your own business. Don't be a grumpy people pleaser. Don't do it. See this as an opportunity to actually change the way people look at you. In india, we all fall in certain spectrum like this person is nice this person is short this person is rude more like the society tells us if a person is fat, they should not wear skirts they should not look beautiful or feel confident. Forget all that, wipe it off. You can act like ranbir kapoor or katrina kaif and they wouldn't even know. Revamp your personality, no one is going to judge you here.  Just smile confidently. Its a way to acknowledge people and avoid awkward silent lift rides. Practice this back in country too.

2) Respect people : What really surprised me here was everyone is so freaking proud of themselves which is so awesome. I mean doesn't matter what job they do what background they come from, these people are witty and own themselves like any celebrity. From bus drivers to supermarket cashiers to lawyers, everyone carries an aura of oomph. How did it happen? Its because no job is small here, everyone has enough money to eat and dress properly. So respect this and when you go back india, respect all. Profession doesn't define people. Know in your heart that no one is above or below. We are all on same level. Feel the urge to get respect too. Don't think of yourself as any less. You didn't come through a tunnel, you came here for a really good job, you are amongst the highest paid people. At the same time, its just a job. Boost your confidence and treat everyone as equal.

3) See yourself from their eyes : You know how we look to other country people, we all look the same. They have no idea if we are being rude or simple or arrogant or normal unless we express. They might even feel we live in our own shell of culture. So compliment people , talk to people who talk to you in lift or make small conversations in markets or people with dogs. If you want to live here, understand the people too. After some time, you will know who wants to talk to you who is not interested.  Don't go hiding in your indian colonies and indian groups. Try to spread out. You are exotic here. Know your value. I was going in lift and persian lady complimented me, I brushed it off like she was just being nice. It was stupid, always say I appreciate it thanks a lot. You can never see how beautiful you might be from other people's perspective. But again don't go overboard. The line is thin between arrogance and confidence.

4) No English is okk : Yep its totally cool, it just means you know another language or may be two or three other languages. Besides, even if you know few words in english, people here will make sure you get what you want. Trust me, its not like how they show in movies. They will understand you even if you utter the word hot coffee. I didn't know how to swipe cards or get things billed or dressing rooms, I was a nervous wreck. I wouldn't go out but it all works out. Take one step at a time. One day, go and buy just milk with cash. Another day, carry your card and try. People are super cooperative, because their job commands them to be. Never feel ashamed or embarrassed, there are thousand things you know better than other human beings. As long as you are approachable and open to change, nothing will matter. If someone acts rudely, tell them its not the way they should be. Don't fight, just make yourself heard.

5) Raising kids : Most of my friends are scared of raising kids here. They all think kids are not going to listen to them. Yep sure because the only way we know is to scare them to respect us. Create that fear of scolding or mild touch beat or no food. Its no way to deal with kids. I was waiting for elevator and this lady and her 2 year old started talking. Two year old asked everything from where we are going to why lift was so noisy. Trust me, if it was my mom she would have stopped me by second question. But this mom answered every question. They had a long 20 min conversation which didn't end up kid feeling too young to ask or brushed aside because mom thought it was an inconvenience. Thats how they deal with kids, like they are constructing mature responsible adults. They do cuddle them but there is no mold that kids should fit in. They can be anything they want. Thats how you raise personalities and individualities. Anyone can take a mike and talk before 200 people because they were not given the notion of  nervousness or ashamed or displayed against their will. When the kid said no in restaurant or cried, they asked what was upsetting and asked for cooperation. They didn't let him or her feel alone or unheard. So if you do decide to raise kids here, learn from these ladies. Kids learn by example, if you give a scared expression putting them in swimming pool, they will always associate swimming with fear. Let them climb walls, let them venture, let them make friends outside. Take them to temple but tell them why you are taking them. Tell them stories of mythology like  a kids story book, make it interesting. When a kid acts bratty, its because they know they will get your attention that way. Make them feel heard always. Raising kid is a full time passion. Don't limit it to feeding and diapers. I know its super difficult because this is a generation leap.

6) Spend folks spend : I see all my friends bragging about costco and indian supermarkets. There is nothing wrong with it. Its quality and quantity. Its minor things we try to save in, like bread why would you want to pick 1$ bread when you can pick bread with walnuts which is actually tasty. I know only 25% people do this but don't really don't . Pick the finest ingredients possible in every shop. If the quality of vegetable or fruit or spices is not upto standard, don't go to that store. Indian stores thrive on our inclination to buy cheap even if its expired. Ever wonder why Indian stores look the worst n cramped up, they just don't care. Even chinese got better supermarkets like uwajimaya. We are what we eat. Raise your buying standards, don't fall for cheap products. Demand better. Where else would you get almond butter with walnut bread. Feast on nutrition people. I see frowny cashiers in indian supermarkets, sometimes they are rude or indifferent. What gives them the power to act out, we do, we keep going back. Would you ever go back to an american store who was like this? This goes for every single thing in your house, buy the best pillow best mattress as your american colleagues would.

7) Follow Rules : Please follow rules. This country was made by dreamers. They have a system that works, their multi lanes their traffic rules work. Even their roads are designed to conserve more ground water. Don't corrupt the country, follow all traffic rules. Don't break lines. Don't cross roads. I am not asking you to live in constant fear, I am asking you to be a responsible person. Let pedestrians cross,let school buses drop kids and wait till they move. Don't jump lanes. Don't litter if you see homeless people littering. When you see bus line, be in queue. There are so many rules and they work. Someone's mom came and she was like this is shorter route, I told here its not allowed because there is no crossing, to which she replied but this is what we do in india. So don't do this in India too. Whats wrong is wrong. Today 5 people will do, tomorrow 5 more will do. That is how countries get lawless.


8)  Pets raising : If I had to keep a pet here, I wouldn't know what to do. The pets here are well trained. They are part of family, they understand everything. Again the same reason, they are always paid attention to. If they bark or act weirdly, they actually comfort them and tell them it will get them nothing. They don't give them treats for bad behaviour. They train them but never raise voice or scold them. The moment you scold or disrespect any living thing, you crush their self esteem by 1%. I have never liked when I saw people keeping dogs like they were saving their life. My cousin kept a puppy, the puppy would whine all day for food for walk. She tied him in basement, kids were not allowed to play or interact. She would shout or just slap the dog a bit if dog tried to play which puppies do. I hated her to core. Would you like it if someone did it to you? Would you like it if someone called you family but kept you tied? If you decide to keep a pet, learn proper ways how to raise one. They are precious and certainly don't deserve angry human reactions.

9) Do things legally : Now this is the one that will get us kicked out of this country. If you decide to work, get proper authorizations. Just because you cook well doesn't mean you start catering business with indian clients. That indian aunty friend of mine was like but you want to earn money nah. Yeah I do, I would rather wait get proper clearance and work. What if someone dies or develops allergy reaction from your food? What if some kid chokes in your creche? You could end up in jail. Its illegal. Just murdering or robbing someone is not illegal. Little ways of breaking laws here and there count too.

10) Dress properly, groom up : Whenever I visit colonies where Indians reside, I see girls walking around in track pants kurtis with old indian sweaters. I feel bad because if we were in india, would we still feel the liberty to walk out in shabby clothes. We should dress up well, even if you wear a kurta, team it up with legging like you are going somewhere important. Always dress smart. I am not asking you to go full delhi mode, just be in the kind of clothes that boost your spirit. You know how when we go dressed up we walk tall and when we wear old everyday clothes, we are sluggish. So wear nice fitted clothes. One of the secrets why people here look confident is dressing up too. They know what they look good in , they pay attention to their body type their grooming their hairstyles. There is nothing wrong in looking presentable. American stores are so diverse, they have clothes in all price range. If you don't feel comfortable, get from india. I experimented this, one week in home outside I wore all my best clothes that made me feel awesome. It works u all. Just don't go overboard with makeup and clothes. Be humble. Confidence is for your own body image, not to judge others. People should get that ooze of confidence n humility from you.

11) Use services tip properly : My friend was telling me how she gets threading and waxing done by a friend which is cool. But then she was like why waste 5$ so I will get upper lip done in india. Okk six months of here, just because your friend doesn't know how to do upper lip you won't get it done professsionally. Make it a point to go to salon, get your threading upper lip waxing done. Get your facials done. If its comfortable for you to do at home, do it otherwise 50$ is not going to build  a wall in your future house. Tip properly, if you go to an asian salon and feel their services are not good, tell them, yelp it. Always remember you are a customer, you are paying to get services. You deserve the best. If they charge you more, feel free to ask for receipt or explanation. I have seen some asian salons bank on our innocence , they act too dominating and never listen. Don't let it happen, be in control. I bought a groupon for salon, the salon would never reply to texts or calls. I made sure I got my money and yelped my experience. We are as valuable as customer as any other person. Our money matters our time matters too. If they were so lavish, why did they offer groupon coupons. Don't let anyone walk all over you. Ger regular haircuts, look groomed, it will give such an immense push to your happiness and quality of life.

12) Stop saving so much : What are we saving for? Why do we need 3 houses in india and 1 house in US and shares and gold and FDs ? Do we really need so much ? Do you think your kids will ask for your money? We are just saving mindlessly. We are saving too much, we are not going on enough vacations to exotic places. Do you really think your kids will take you on that dream world tour? I mean I wouldn't . So do whatever you like. Learn new things, try new restaurants, eat exotic fruits, relish on expensive wines. We only live once. Keep some amount for safety net. Other than that, live it up. Just because fred meyer is giving 2lbs tomatoes for 1$, I am not gonna leave my netflix and step out. Stop caring so much. Buy freely unless you are in whole foods. :P

13) Appreciate their culture : Their culture is so different. I have never seen people getting inappropriate on roads. The way they dress up the way they act is perfect. There is no gender bias. They treat their women with crazy respect, they talk to them like they know they are a blessing. They take their kids out on sundays for family time. They go skiing, train kids for sport events on free days.They cook dinners together. They have no body shaming, their kids know they can talk comfortably about anything. Their parents have so much retirement money they are practically on vacations or fully serviced apartments. They have emergency services coming in 2 minutes even if it involves rescuing a cat. The woman here dance when they want to, laugh loudly, live life to fullest, pick equal weights in gyms. They have no woman man fat thin fair black south north tags.  They have no hatred for immigrants or germans or japanese. How is this culture bad ? Learn and appreciate the goodness in them. They are doing something terribly right which we indians have no clue of.  A woman could be walking around in bikini shorts and I dare you to look at her without feeling respect for her. You know she can crush you, be that woman, be that woman's man.

14) Respect yourself :  Most importantly respect yourself no matter what. We were ruled by britishers, they corrupted us. When we go to a government office, we see a peon bringing tea snacks for senior officials. We don't see it as a job, in our sub conscious level we see him on a lower scale when somehow he's just working for money. This mentality still lives in us, we see a foreigner our shoulders go down we get slave smile or too much pleasing smile. We are all equals. Respect yourself, you don't serve anyone. You serve yourself. You earn for your family. Feel the pride and walk tall. You run  a house which I know is no small matter. As soon as it is evident on your face, people will respect back. Not like a bank official respect, its like something we are all entitled as humans.

15) Cut parental chords : This is the most argued topic in our home. Guys are raised to raise parents in old age, daughters' parents know they will be happy alone. All their life, guys' parents wait to settle down with kids. If it works out well for you, good for you. If your wife has problems, try to find a solution even if it requires you going back india. We all have one life, can we really spare months out of this ticking counter. Its not about adjusting, its just if I can be much more happy in some situation, I would want that. Guys understand life is not about repaying back or compromising. Its to live and flourish. Go places, make her happy. When you visit India, plan vacations with parents. Make them understand, there are other options too.

16) Go out alone : It really works. Don't wait for your husband or kids or friends to make plans. If you have time, go to any coffee shop with your laptop and relax. Spend some time alone with yourself. When we spend too much time with others, their needs their lives become ours. We forget our personality, our likes, our dislikes. My mother liked bottlegourd and like other kids we could have hated it. She just didn't budge, she made it and we developed taste for it. Kids are going to like certain things, husbands in laws will like things from their family time. Create your own family time. So go alone in your space, try what you like, go for happy hours with friends, go shopping, ask friends what looks good on you. Don't let life outrun you. Don't be the mom who woke up at 5 slept at 10 and in between she did nothing she wanted.

17) Don't judge : We are experts in judging. These americans date a lot, these americans drink  a lot, these americans huh, these indians all coming to US, these south indians, these snobbish north indians, these kids blah blah. See things for what they are without any preconceived notions of what you are told. If no one told you alcohol is for degraded ones, won't you think its nice to relax and open up dance with friends. If no one told you dating before wedding is bad, won't you think if only I had more relationships I would have understood women more. There are two sides to every story. So don't judge, if you like something adapt. If you don't, never harbor ill feelings against people who practice it. Nothing is bad, nothing is good. When you see taj mahal, what you see and what a foreigner sees is miles apart. How your husband sees his mom, how you see his mom can never be same. Be happy, be peaceful, be kind, there is no other life after a few years. This is it, live it up.